The Heartwarming Way a Woman’s Partner Helps Her Deal With Anxiety and Depression
This photo of brightly colored popsicle sticks has been going viral on Imgur and Reddit for the past few weeks, but there’s more to it than it seems. In the accompanying caption, Reddit user Bodaveez writes that the sticks are actually intended to help their partner, who deals with both anxiety and depression.
“My girlfriend suffers from, at times, crippling depression and anxiety," bodaveez wrote next to a photo of the sticks in a mason jar. "I saw this idea somewhere online and decided to make her something like it." The label on the jar has different colors associated with specific purposes for the popsicle sticks. Orange is for quotes like “my mind is my kingdom,” yellow is for reminders like “you are worth it,” pink is for relaxation tips such as “take a short break,” and blank sticks are for her to write down a memory or something she enjoyed.
"I put a fine tipped sharpie in there with the blank ones so she can record moments when she's the happiest and then she can pull one of those later when she needs it," they explained in the comments. Bodaveez says they got the idea for the jar after seeing something similar on Facebook as a way to help support people you love who are struggling with mental health.
Although the idea seems simple, experts say it can be a great tool for snapping out of negative thinking.
When you’re depressed, you often have a narrow view of the world that’s clouded by bad thoughts, clinical psychologist Michael Brustein, Psy. D., tells SELF. “Any reminders that could encourage a broader way of thinking can be really helpful to get you out of that stuck moment,” he says.
Coping mechanisms don't need to be a lot of work—they just need to work. Simon Rego, Psy.D., chief psychologist at Montefiore Medical Center/Albert Einstein College of Medicine, tells SELF “there’s nothing magical about popsicle sticks.” Instead, he says, they’re a metaphor for seeing options for yourself when you’re blinded by anxiety and depression into thinking there’s nothing that will help you. And finding a way to confront those feelings is the larger goal, which doesn't require popsicle sticks to accomplish.
Instead, you could try coming up with a list of things you have to look forward to, such as a new movie release, a date with friends, or an upcoming vacation, Rego says. You can also post photos of happy moments in your life around your place as regular reminders that, while you may be struggling in the moment, things haven’t always been this way. Writing down daily affirmations, like “I am strong” or “I deserve to be happy” can help too, Brustein says.
You can also check in with a therapist, clinical psychologist John Mayer, Ph.D., author of Family Fit: Find Your Balance in Life, tells SELF. "The key [to dealing with depression] is developing an arsenal of coping mechanisms,” he says, which can be developed with the help of a professional.
These viral stories about supporting a partner's mental health are adorable and inspiring. But...what if you're lacking that in your relationship?
First, keep in mind that a romantic partner isn't the only person you can rely on for emotional support. Friends, family, therapists, and support lines are all great places to go when you need help. That said, if you have a partner that you wish was more supportive, it's important to speak up. Obviously not everyone is scouring the internet for Pinterest-worthy ways to pick you up, so if this particular level of support would be helpful for you, let your partner know.
“Partners can’t always understand the level of distress and impairment that things like anxiety and depression cause,” says Rego. “That’s why it’s important to not be shy about your needs.”
If the popsicle stick idea resonates for you, he recommends sharing the photo with your partner and talking about what a gesture like that would mean to you. Or, if it's more of the thought behind that gesture that you're lacking in your relationship, tell your partner what you've been going through and what they can do (or have done in the past) to help. The key is figuring out your needs and communicating them clearly, Rego says.
Above all, don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. “When people are depressed or have anxiety, they’re often afraid to be a burden to someone,” Brustein says. “But to ask for help can not only improve the situation, it can [itself] be therapeutic.”
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