The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more.
Me: Our kids are finally at an age where we can sleep in on week-
Youth sports: Let me stop you right there.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 5, 2018
A dad’s favorite part of vacation is acting like he’s better than everyone else because he woke up the earliest.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 30, 2018
Me: I can’t wait for summer.
*summer starts*
Me: I can’t wait for school start!
*school starts*
Me: I can’t wait for summer.
Repeat. Forever.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 1, 2018
Just told my kids we aren’t leaving the house until they clean up their messes, so I guess we’re hermits now.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) July 1, 2018
Think you’re a “no regrets” person? Go buy your kid a 100 pack of Glo-Sticks.
— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) July 1, 2018
There's nothing like waking up before sunrise. It makes me feel a step ahead, much more productive, and whatever other lies I can come up with when my baby wakes up so **** early.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) July 5, 2018
Me: It’s an old phone
5yo: Like an old IPhone?
Me: No, like the kind that has push buttons & is attached to the wall with a cord
5: *long pause* Why would you stand and talk at the wall when you can just go yell out the window
Me: Good talk, son— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) July 1, 2018
If you’ve never effectively broken up a fight between your kids by shouting while you’re in the bathroom or taking a shower, are you even a parent.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) July 5, 2018
I like when my four year old pretends to be a ninja, because it basically looks like he's being attacked by bees.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 2, 2018
I just threatened to ground my 5yo from “all the popsicles in the freezer” so yep, our summer plans are right on track.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 29, 2018
I won't let my kids turn on the stove, but swinging a flaming hot fire-stick sparkler over their head on the Fourth of July, that's fine.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 1, 2018
Just found a cheese stick behind the couch. It’s been at least 2 months since I bought string cheese.
On that note, we’re selling “hand-tossed artisan cheese, aged on premises” for those that like the finer things in life.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 3, 2018
[Racing my son]
Wife: That was really sweet how you let him win.
Me: [Did not let him win] Thanks— The Dad (@thedad) July 1, 2018
Playing everyone's favorite game- How Much Poop Can You Touch Before Noon?
I'm either winning or losing, depending on how you look at it.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) July 2, 2018
Letting my kid watch Jurassic Park for the first time.
Me: This came out in 1993. This came out when *I* was *your* age.
Kid: Oh, like when the dinosaurs were really still around?— Ashley Austrew (@ashleyaustrew) July 4, 2018
As a parent, you don’t typically know you’ve made the right decisions until much later. However, I recently found out that not putting a TV in my kids’ bedrooms is the main reason I don’t end up hosting more sleepovers.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 2, 2018
Overhead my 6yo whisper to his cousin, “We defeat our enemies by making them fall in love with us.... and then we stab them!!!”
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) July 2, 2018
“What day is it?”
–SAHMs every day.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 1, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.