People Who Have Seen A Therapist, What Do You Wish You Understood About Therapy Sooner?

Hi, there! I'm Victoria. When I was 19, I decided to go to therapy. It involved a lot of trial and error — I finally clicked with the third therapist I saw who took me a year to find — and there were times when I stopped going altogether because I was so discouraged and exhausted.

Now, having experienced it, I can more clearly identify things I wish I knew before I started and that I try to share with my friends whenever they ask me about therapy. So I ask you, fellow therapy-goers, what do you wish you knew about therapy before you started going?

Like I said before, I saw three therapists before finding the one I liked. I actually saw my first two therapists in pretty quick succession. After those two negative encounters, it took me another year before trying again. In retrospect, I wish I knew finding a therapist was similar to dating rather than taking each experience so personally — especially to the point where I was too discouraged to try another therapist.

Another thing: I wish I'd realized earlier that I'd feel more comfortable opening up to a therapist who shared a similar gender and cultural identity to me. I knew I preferred a woman as my therapist, but I hadn't considered a woman who shared my race. Was that a challenge you faced, too?

Did you realize how much you enjoyed your sessions? While some sessions are more intense than others, I found myself really looking forward to my sessions, especially as I got to really trust my therapist. Conversely, did you wish you realized therapy 'hangovers' are a thing after an emotionally draining session?

Maybe you wish you knew something more logistical. For example, I hadn't done any research into types of therapy, so when my therapist said she practiced CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), I didn't bat an eye. In retrospect, her approach and CBT really worked for me.

Or, did you realize you prefer in-person, phone, or video therapy? When I switched from in-person to phone therapy, I realized how much I preferred in-person — and having a private, designated space in which to speak freely and face to face. However, I've also heard online therapy is great if you can't find a therapist locally or feel safer in your own space.

Perhaps you wish you knew how (much) you'd grow in therapy, or how even the more uncomfortable sessions helped. Maybe you didn't realize how much control you'd have in each session, where you could speak freely vs. being interrogated or defensive (especially on others' behalf).

I'm sure you and I have different experiences, so whatever it is you wish you knew prior to starting — whether similar to one of the examples above or not — please share in the comments below. It can help people who are still intimidated or exhausted by the process feel better about taking another step forward.

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