YouTuber Nikita Dragun calls her mental health journey 'one of the hardest struggles I've ever had to share'

The Unwind is Yahoo Life’s well-being series in which experts, influencers and celebrities share their approaches to wellness and mental health, from self-care rituals to setting healthy boundaries to the mantras that keep them afloat.

Being candid about her life as a trans woman has helped makeup artist, model and content creator Nikita Dragun build both a massive fanbase — she's got 14.35 million followers on TikTok alone — and her own beauty brand. Last month, the Dragun Beauty founder shared one particularly vulnerable confession in an emotional YouTube video: She's been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, which the National Institute of Mental Health describes as being characterized by "unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, concentration and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks."

"I've always looked at social media as my diary," Dragun tells Yahoo Life's The Unwind. "And I think out of anything I've ever talked about — I've talked about surgeries, my transition, getting kicked out of clubs, being in my L.A. lifestyle — my journey in terms of mental health has been one of the hardest struggles I've ever had to share. But also I think it's something that is really real and something that a lot of people are facing."

Watch the video above to hear her story.

Video Transcript

NIKITA DRAGUN: I do have a larger platform. And I've always looked at social media as my diary. And I think out of anything I've ever talked about-- I've talked about surgeries, my transition, getting kicked out of clubs, and this, that, and the other being in my LA lifestyle-- but I think my journey in terms of mental health has been one of the hardest struggles I've ever had to share. But also, I think it's something that is really real and something that a lot of people are facing.

I've been on a mental health journey for a couple of years now. I just started noticing my moods starting to be different and certain things affecting me in ways that were strange. As a trans woman, I've kind of dealt with a lot of hormones. But I feel like after transitioning, I really had to take a step back and take my mental health seriously.

I was a little bit surprised when I was diagnosed bipolar. I do have a family history. But for me, I think I was just more not understanding what it really meant to be bipolar. And I think there are so many stigmas out there, especially with mental health and with people who do face bipolar, that I just didn't really know what it meant. I think something that even I had to learn about being bipolar is it's not what you see in movies and it's not what you see on TV, it's a whirlwind to be inside of and to experience.

In terms of treatment, there's not one pill that's going to solve everything. I've tried to learn better therapeutic practices. I really do find working out is such a great therapy for me personally. I take a good 10 minutes or 15 minutes and sit outside by myself without my phone or anything and just kind of, like, ground myself for a little bit.

Through the day, we're getting so many messages, or we're on social media, or whatever it is, and we're just overly stimulated-- I think that, for me, has been one of the biggest things that has changed a lot. A lot of times in terms of mental health, you can feel so alone and it can feel so isolating. But there are so many people who are kind of facing the same thing as you are.

I really do turn to my online community to kind of have support. But also, I feel like I've dealt with negative comments my entire life. I grew up in a small town in Springfield, Virginia being a very flamboyant little boy at the time. So for me, I've kind of gotten used to it. And, obviously, it is part of the job. But at the same time, I do wish it would change.

In terms of negativity, it does affect you on days when you are low. And it is really hard to tune out sometimes. I really don't have all the answers. And I'm just human and I always just try to remind myself of that-- even though, I'm not going to lie, I do have my clapback days and I do allow myself to go off every once in a while.

Self-love means loving every part of yourself-- loving the good sides, the bad sides, the everything in between, and just owning who you are and standing in your truth. We definitely live in a world that, obviously, is ever-changing. And in terms of trans rights, sometimes it doesn't feel like we're visible or that we're accepted.

So for me personally, I just try to live my life as boldly and loudly as possible. And as someone who does have a large following, I try to instill that. I'm not just posting pictures of my butt all day, I want to have a message, I want to have a meaning.

I think the message I want people to take away from Pride is that there's a world out there that's accepting and loving. And I think it shows time and time again with Pride. And that's what I really love about our community is that we kind of band together and create a celebration where we live out loud. And, obviously, it translates so much more than just one month.