You'll Literally Lose Your Mind Laughing At These 23 Hysterical Tweets By Women

I’m practicing going “Ha ha ha!” and hitting a table. To replace Jimmy Fallon

— walker (@walkercapl) September 7, 2023

you're laughing. a horde of tech bros were going to take shrooms for the first time and finally experience empathy, but they got trench foot instead. and you're laughing

— morgan sung (@morgan_sung) September 3, 2023

My Tinder bio: pic.twitter.com/KIe79ta6XC

— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) September 5, 2023

I’m almost 47 and I just got my first tattoo. Someone please comfort my grieving mother.

— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) September 5, 2023

weed strain namers can chill with their silly little titles all I need to know is this the giggle kind or the convince myself I’ll never be happy because of who I am kind

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 8, 2023

ME: I have to be on a strict budget because of the strikeDOGGIE DAYCARE: Hey for a small fee we're doing a School Picture Day for dogsME: ....... pic.twitter.com/qnvlPjyrku

— Pjörk🐷 (@NicoleConlan) September 9, 2023

does bisexual mean twice a sexual, or once every other sexual

— Riane Konc (@theillustrious) September 8, 2023

I don't wear white after Labor Day or any day because I live in fear of spaghetti stains.

— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) September 6, 2023

them: don’t you remember? me: pic.twitter.com/15wjkaHPOE

— Midge (@mxmclain) September 6, 2023

asking u to send good energy to the sephora employee at the register who looked at me, taken aback, and went “your voice is so calming. i’ve just experienced a lot today and….. it’s just so soothing ” after i said “hi. yes, just this”

— Sydney Battle (@SydneyBattle) September 6, 2023

this is the playlist someone makes after frantically googling 'music' https://t.co/myIq8doscF

— kate wagner (castle era) (@mcmansionhell) September 6, 2023

Everlane sends me emails like “the viral ultra-flattering pants we can’t keep in stock!” and I click and these are the pants pic.twitter.com/Naj9WyCCvr

— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) September 6, 2023

kylie is exactly timothee's type idk why art hoes are crying on here like no one told yall to get a bob and a tote bag

— cocky (@miacockucci) September 5, 2023

Asked my doctor for an IED insertion, she asked if I meant IUD and I said “no bc I want dis puss to be da bomb” so she sent me home with antidepressants and told me to never say that shit again.

— Leen McBeans ꪜ (@LeenMcBeans) September 7, 2023

sending those round twins FLYING pic.twitter.com/kx7UKfJDqz

— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) September 8, 2023

This weekend my husband is teaching a class for 5 adults who want to be there, and he has had months to prepare.Upon arriving home this evening he said, "I do not understand how it's possible that you do a harder version of this every single day." And then went to bed at 8:30.

— OBrienSci (@OBrienSci) September 10, 2023

Sophie Turner is currently in the impeccable position of being able to listen to Taylor Swift breakup songs literally written about her ex & I think that’s beautiful

— tori (@doritenholm) September 6, 2023

doctor told me my cortisol levels look like i’m constantly trying to save a baby from a burning building pic.twitter.com/AlXg5UojaD

— a beautiful woman 💕✨👄🦷 (@full_legal_name) September 9, 2023

sometimes using a bidet feels like punishing your ass for having shat

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 4, 2023

i wonder if foreigners realize that they will never hate americans as much as americans hate other americans like bro the east and west coast start discourse every 2–3 business days over who’s better and texas daydreams about beating the breaks off oklahoma, y’all can’t touch us

— maybe: diane (@dianelyssa) September 10, 2023

Strike needs to end. You know how many birds I can name now? It’s too much.

— Brittani Nichols *Double Strike Version* (@BisHilarious) September 7, 2023

my sister didn’t remember that i left this morning pic.twitter.com/Qoe8GDtRF6

— ann zhao says preorder dear wendy (@annzhao_) September 3, 2023

“Skincare is a scam” lol ok well I’ve been using anti aging products religiously since I was 18, now I’m 34 and can easily pass for 32… who’s laughing now

— Cartoons Hate Her! (@CartoonsHateHer) September 10, 2023