"That’s When I Realized I Made A Terrible Mistake": Divorced People Are Revealing Their Partner's "Red Flag" That Ended Their Marriage Right Then And There
Marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment. However, sometimes, the person you marry is not who you thought they were. In other situations, sometimes, you go through with marrying someone even when you know in your gut that the person isn't right for you. In this Reddit thread, many people got vulnerable and shared their stories of marrying the wrong person. Here is what some said:
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
1."My brother had a terrible accident which ended up killing him. He lived about 14 hours away from me. I didn't make it in time after receiving the call. The day after he died, my ex called me and gave me shit for not running the errands I said I was going to do the day that my brother's accident happened. Specifically, I didn't buy kitty litter, which is very heavy for her to carry. She didn't even ask how I was doing or show empathy. That's when I knew."
2."Engaged, not quite married yet. When I had been on mandatory bedrest and caring for our infant son after having emergency surgery for nearly bleeding to death after a miscarriage, and he came home from work and looked me dead in the face and said, 'Why aren't the fucking dishes done?' I called my mom the next morning and told her I was leaving. Hightailed it out of there two weeks later."
3."I made a small ring holder in woodworking when I was 14; my teacher looked at it and said, 'Wow, you should keep that and give that to your wife,' and I thought that was a good idea and considered it romantic. It was admittedly a simple piece ... but it all came together quite well and looked elegant. I looked after it for 15 years and gave it to her on our wedding night, along with the backstory of why it was special. She looked at me and said, 'Why would I want this? I already have one.'"
4."When my best friend died suddenly at a young age, leaving three children behind, and my now ex-wife didn't want to be around me because I was very depressed. She suggested polyamory as a way to save our marriage. Yeah, I was out."
5."We had been married for eight years when my ex-husband, in a drunken moment of painful honesty, decided to tell me he only married me for my considerable inheritance. Bye."
6."When she sat me down and with a straight face said, 'I’ve thought about this, and you’re not going to exercise anymore.' I was jogging a few miles a day and usually brought the kids with me in a running stroller. She said, 'You’re a father, and it’s too time-consuming.' That’s when I realized I made a terrible mistake."
7."When our marriage counselor recommended that my ex punch pillows or tear paper instead of picking dumb fights with me when he was feeling anxious, angry, discontent. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, 'It's what I recommend for children who have trouble controlling themselves.' Nope. Done."
8."We got off the plane in Hawaii for our honeymoon. We rented a convertible and stopped at a scenic overlook. She didn't appreciate the moment at all. I knew right then and there that I had made the worst mistake of my life. I knew it."
9."First dance at the wedding, zero chemistry or emotions, it was a nightmare I’ll never forget."
10."I made excuses for her shortcomings, ignoring the red flags that existed. I got engaged because my friends were getting engaged, and I had my doubts even then. Once we were married, I realized it wasn’t just a different way of dating but more permanent. Those red flags that existed before were now part of our lives. And then she cheated on me. We didn’t divorce then. I tried to salvage everything, and she tried to make amends, but what we had was destroyed. Every day, I think about my life without her. I love her, but I am no longer in love with her. I’m in the beginning stages of looking at divorce, and it has me feeling all sorts of things. But I want to be happy, not content."
11."I got injured on a rafting trip down the Grand Canyon. She just took off and did her thing while everyone else made sure I got food, etc. At the end of the trip, I told her we were splitting. In a moment of honesty, she blurted out, 'But I just got used to you.' I realized she really didn’t love me all that time."
12.A year in, she started asking for a baby. One time she said, 'Let’s make a baby,' right in the middle of sex. I thought I wanted to have a child, but my erection died instantly of its own accord, like my body was trying to tell me something. Whenever she asked for a baby, I got this weird feeling that something wasn’t right. We talked it out and decided we wanted to get a house first so the kid would have a stable home base, which I didn’t have when I was a kid. So we bought a house in a quiet suburban area."
"Over the next three years, she started getting more and more angry and drinking more often, just coming home and berating me for no apparent reason and opening up a new bottle of wine. I don’t drink alcohol, but the bottles were stacking up. Every time I tried to do something nice for her, she would snap at me for not being up to her standards; when I tried studying for a career change to something more lucrative, she yelled at me for studying wrong. Eventually, I got so fearful of her blowing up at me that I couldn’t sleep for weeks at a time; I stopped eating, and I was crying all the time.
She was in the room when a psychologist diagnosed me with depression, and the only thing she said to me after was, 'Why are you doing this to me? You’re being so selfish and childish!' That night, I realized I married my mother. I’ve been doing pretty great since the divorce. I sold the house at a loss, but I’m free now. Finally, I feel like I actually like the man in the mirror; he can stand up for himself now. Life is an amazing journey."
13."When she drank so much she barfed in the bed after promising to do better."
14."When my wife said to me, 'Are you not over her yet?' one month after my twin died because I was crying in my room holding my twin's picture! That was the moment I knew my marriage was over. We broke one month later."
15."When he wouldn't get sober for our daughter."
16."I changed careers in part because I wanted to be a better provider. I cared deeply for my wife and wanted to give her a better life. When that career change failed, I struggled. After six months of struggling, she had enough and asked for a separation. After a couple of months, I got my life back together, found a new career, and realized that she had been holding me back the whole time; I was so busy taking care of her that I couldn't ever work on myself. Then it hit me: I was better off without her."
17."It finally dawned on me that she had her best life. A stable roommate. A steady Eddie while she did her thing. No intimacy. Her temper. I was a dupe. When I finally left, I could tell by her irritation that she wasn’t going to miss me but miss our arrangement."
Did you ever have a moment where you knew your marriage was over? If so, share your story with me in the comments below.
