Women Who've Had Threesomes Are Opening Up About Their Experiences — The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly — And It's Intriguing
Reddit user u/overthinkerinmyfeels asked the r/AskWomen community: "Women who have had threesomes, what was your experience like?" The thread promptly filled with women eager to share their range of experiences and advice. Here's what they revealed:
1."I've had my fair share of male-female-female threesomes. The ones that involved exploring with friends were awkward and created baggage afterward. I wouldn't do that again. The more spur-of-the-moment one-night things were hella fun. The one partner I did a lot of experimenting with was a great communicator, and we had consistent, clear boundaries and rules where we both felt respected, so when opportunities arose, we could just go with the flow and have a good time, and we did!"
2."I've had several. The experience turns out the best if everyone communicates about their desires beforehand. Best experience: I once had my boyfriend's other lady friend REACH OUT TO ME because she was so thankful for his help on her home. She asked me if she and I could plan a worshipping evening for him. She was aware of my open sexuality. She and I cooked dinner, wore robes, I played piano, and she danced. Then, as the evening got later and we all had more wine, we moved to the bedroom. I enjoyed sharing my boyfriend with her and watching her express her love and gratitude."
3."I did some before marriage and a few more during marriage. The ones during marriage have literally ruined my marriage. It's the worst decision I've ever made (almost). I can't unsee or unhear. I love kinky sex with multiple partners, but I wasn't ready for the pillow talk and stuff, and my husband was WAY too into it. It made me sick for years."
4."I had my first threesome at age 19 with two amazing guys in their 30s. We vacationed together for a few years, and I learned so much from these two wonderful humans. After getting married to my husband, we entered the swinging lifestyle. Sometimes, we go hot and heavy for a few months; sometimes, we go without swinging for a few years. We have been married for 33 years. Our communication is constant. We truly believe that swinging has made our marriage stronger."
"We swing with other couples, single males or single females. We'll sometimes swing with the same couple for months or years, and sometimes, it's just a one-night stand. We have rules we have formed over the years and stick to them no matter what happens. If one wants to change or bend a rule, we talk about it when we are not on a date so we can discuss it thoroughly.
We never form any kind of emotional connection to anyone other than friends with benefits. It's not for everyone! It's not something you should try unless your partnership is very, very solid. But, I will say, the communication gets to be top-notch. Our friends who have no clue what we do in the privacy of our bedroom all comment on how in love we are and ask our advice on improving their partnerships. We, of course, do not tell them about the swinging."
5."I tried it once with a guy I was dating (casually) and another girl from Tinder (all very consensual). Anyway, I lost interest while doing it and checked out halfway through. I told them they could have sex with each other because I was not into it at all! As a bi girl, I thought I would enjoy it much more. Anyway, I came out of the bedroom, ordered food, and read something on my Kindle until they came out. Then, I hung out with them, ate, and went home. I stopped dating him and never had another threesome after that. But that experience made me realize that I am extremely monogamous!"
6."It was enjoyable at first, but my friends-with-benefits got their feelings hurt pretty quickly. Never again. I don’t do sharing and I’ve seen it mess up more relationships than improve them."
7."It was nice. My bestie's bi and had been recently divorced from a man and wanted to explore comfortably with a woman. I was down to try it with her, so we picked an enthusiastic male friend and had our evening. Sleeping with a woman made me realize I'm bi, too! The male friend also had a spectacular time."
8."I've had a couple of male-female-male threesomes and absolutely loved them. They can be very intense and full of so much desire and pleasure. There's nothing like having two men passionately desiring and worshipping you."
9."I loved male-male-female — all that attention for me! I hated male-female-female; it made me feel like the guy liked the other girl more, and I really hate going down on women. Once we were in it, I tried to be a team player and make everybody feel sexually wanted and get off, but I'm probably never going to be sexual with another woman again. I'm straight, so it makes sense."
10."It was a great experience! It was during my best friend’s wedding, which was over the course of a long weekend in Austin. Our mutual friend, with whom we went to college, flew in from the northeast with her new(ish) boyfriend. We ate lunch together the first day, and I felt a vibe, so later at the pool party when drinks were flowing, I told my friend if she and her boyfriend wanted to have a threesome, I would be down. She got really excited and talked to him about it pretty much immediately. We all went to grab a bite together after swimming and were all super flirty. It was so much fun! When the evening rolled around at the wedding dinner, she whispered they wanted to explore me. On the way back to the hotel, we shared an Uber and were secretly handsy."
"Once we got to the hotel, we grabbed a drink and went to my room. It was so much fun and so hot. We all came a lot and each took turns with each other. HIGHLY RECOMMEND."
11."I had a few male-male-female threesomes with two guys I was dating simultaneously. Both were bisexual and open to poly relationships. We honestly had so much fun. We would get together, play video games or board games, drink a bit, eat dinner, and then go to the bedroom. In the morning, we would all three cuddle and kiss; usually, one of the boys would make us coffee. Then, we would get up and make breakfast. It was honestly all-around great. As for the sex, it's still some of the best I've ever had! Being completely doted and dominated by two great people was awesome. When they let me switch, well, that was fun too."
12."I had a threesome with a male-female couple, both bi. It was awesome. We went out for drinks to see if there was a spark (there was) and eventually planned the threesome for a different day. They made a lot of effort to make me feel comfortable and desired. They were both super hot, and I had a great time. They ended up closing their relationship before we could meet again, but I miss them."
13."I've only had one so far with two other women, and my own experience was that it was great for everyone. It was between me, someone I was starting to date, and one of her friends. I bring that up because I have a feeling that if any kind of half-serious relationship had been involved, there would have been some baggage somewhere in the procession. They were both very open-minded and easygoing, which lowered expectations for everyone. But, it hits differently when you're emotionally invested in someone, whether it's a FWB or something else."
14."I had one with my boyfriend and a friend of ours. We were hanging out, making jokes about it, and then it happened. Things got really weird after that point between us all. We tried to make the friendships work, but it led to the end of the relationship and the end of the friendships. I would do it again with a different emotional setup. The sex was great, though."
15."My experiences have been positive overall, but it's not something I would like to try again. As a bisexual woman, I experienced it while single with a guy and a girl, and another time with two girls (one of them was a stranger who later became a great friend). In my opinion, as long as all boundaries are respected and discussed beforehand, it will work out fine. Honestly, it's quite overrated, and I much prefer the intimacy of a single partner. It's way more fulfilling and satisfying, physically and emotionally, so it's a big no for my boyfriend and me in my relationship. If you are single, it's an interesting experience to have if you are into it; if you are in a straight monogamous relationship, don't. Chances are one of you will come out of it with trust issues and feeling violated and regretful. Don't cave into your partner's pressure to consent; that's abuse."
16."I did it once with my roommate and her boyfriend. She was poly, and we've always had a spicy friendship where we kiss in the hallways and see each other naked, but he was just getting comfortable with the whole idea. He made the first move when she wasn't there in the room. Later, we told her we did it, and one night, we all got drunk and went for it. It was the best threesome so far. It was full of love and passion. I did it again with the same dude and my current boyfriend. It was not so great considering they weren't into each other, but my boyfriend was very focused on making me happy, so that was nice."
17."In my experience, they’re a lot more fun when everyone involved is single, and bonus points if everyone is already friends. One such instance led to waking up the next morning, having coffee together, more or less high-fiving, and then going about our individual days. The two I’ve had with a partner were complete garbage due to said partner not following reasonable rules and playing dumb about crossing lines. In all scenarios, it’s helpful to remember that one of you will be getting less action at some point during the process and might feel awkward about it. In that case, be the 'support' if you want. Or, kick back and watch, if that’s your thing."
18."I've had a couple of male-female-female threesomes and one or two female-female-female ones. Meh, all the way around. I don't remember ever orgasming. It's one of those situations where less is more for me."
19."Two friends and I (all women) had one in college. It wasn't a great experience because we hadn't discussed it beforehand. We were all drunk, and although we're all bi, none of us had been with a woman before. None of us knew what we were doing. We all 'enjoyed' ourselves, but then the next morning, I woke up with one hell of a hangover and wasn't sure I could even face them afterward. We all got brunch and agreed that we wouldn't make a big deal out of it. They ended up kind of being FWBs/hooking up/dating/being in a weird, amorphous relationship space, and I stayed out of it. I don't think I'd do it again."
"It's been quite a few years since then, and I've realized that I really enjoy sex much more when it happens in the context of a relationship, not a hook-up, and I'm monogamous, so I can't see myself feeling comfortable with it again, no matter the circumstances. Never say never, but it's pretty unlikely with where I am now."
20."I've done it with two different couples. One was really bad, but I became a FWB thing with the other. The one was bad because there was NO COMMUNICATION AND NO BOUNDARIES. The dude was crossing many lines and I left with them fighting. The other, we met first and communicated every boundary. It was amazing. Another person and I cut my last threesome short. It was with friends. One was doing it to get with me. It turns out the other was doing it to get with the person who wanted me, so it got messy."
21."I had a female-female-male set up, and honestly, threesomes sound a lot more fun than they are. I was the third for a couple, and it genuinely felt very emotionally wrecking. The sex part of it was okay, but I couldn't seem to enjoy it because it made me feel very empty. I tried it several times, but I always felt lonely and sad at the end. It wasn't anything they were doing. I guess I didn't realize I needed more emotional intimacy before the physical. I wouldn't do it again. It took a bit of a toll on my mental health."
22."I've had at least three dozen. They've been just okay and have mostly been male-female-male with my husband and any of the other husbands in our swinger circle. I also had an FMF in February with my FWB and a lady I met on FET. I enjoyed that one a lot! The three of us took our time and were all very much into one another."
23."Honestly, it was kind of awkward. It made me realize I'm mostly straight, but also, it was harmless, and I'm glad it's something I experienced. Definitely a one-time thing for me."
24."I've had many, ranging from good to spectacular. I'm a big fan of group stuff. I'd never do strict monogamy because I like it so much (accidental monogamy, yes, but I don't get involved with people who aren't also into group play). But I pick my partners well and am also very good at managing group stuff. I have a good sense of what everyone wants, including when it's someone's first group experience and making sure it's a good time for them. I've done pretty much every version that involves people you know. I've been in a relationship, and we brought in a third. I've been in a throuple. I've been the third for other couples. I've just had casual sex with a couple of people I knew who also wanted to. And I've watched while a couple had sex. It's all great. I've also had foursomes and moresomes."
25."I (22f) was a third to a married couple I went to school with, and it was awesome, but I was being pulled in two directions by both of them. It helped me figure out my sexuality and was fun, but I wouldn't have a threesome with my current boyfriend. I don't want to share him or see him have sex with someone other than me, but being a third when I was single was a cool experience!"
26."I've had four: two male-male-female and two female-female-male. The relationship factors honestly weren't an indicator of how good or bad they were. As far as I'm aware, nobody got their feelings hurt. The ones where we were all single weren't necessarily better than when two were in a relationship. However, what made it bad was that not everyone had the same expectations and wishes. So, if I were to have a threesome again, I'd communicate before what my intentions are, and if someone goes, 'Hey, I don't like that,' then we can just stop immediately."
27."It's a mixed bag. It was fun in the moment, but I was really only into it for one person, and if I had known myself a little better, I would've said no. I was all smiles, but a few days afterward, I felt really sad and recoiled so hard from my sexuality that I actually considered I might be asexual. I would have to sit with myself for a long time before considering it again."
28.And: "My long-term boyfriend and I have had a few with men and women. It's always been a great experience. Before our relationship, I had dealt with trust issues and jealousy from cheating partners, so I never thought in a million years I'd be able to have a threesome comfortably. Now, I've had several over five years and have loved every experience! The key was communication, check-ins, and choosing a nice person who understands boundaries and feels welcome! It's not for everyone, but I've never had a bad experience."
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Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
