23 Women Revealed The Things They Wish Men Wouldn't Do On First Dates, And Fellas, Let This Be A Lesson

We asked women in the BuzzFeed Community who date men to tell us the things they reallyyyy wish men would stop doing on first dates. Here's what they shared:

1."I know not everyone will agree with this, but men really need to learn how to 'read the room' and NOT bring up sex/intimacy on the first date unless it's 100% clear that the person they're on a date with is totally into them. Body language, people! It's a thing! I went on a date recently where the guy kept asking me if I kissed on the first date and kept putting his hands on my legs. Dude, if I'm into you, you will know it, and you won't need to worry about the kissing!"

—gwinevere

"Don’t go to the first date expecting sex. Don’t comment on her body on the first date. Compliments are great, but these kind just feel objectifying when we barely know you."

—panda_13

2."Insisting on picking us up at our home. I don't want you to know where I live. I'll meet you there."

—doofenshmirtzevilinc

3."Giving me unsolicited advice regarding my personal life. Yes, that has happened. Or, telling me that 'men are just better than women' in any sense. Bro, just date men then! And, stop trying to force a kiss if it's obvious I am not up for it."

—biljanam

4."Stop talking about your ex. If you're still not over your ex, don’t date. Women on a first date want all of your attention. Continually talking how bad your ex is and how she broke your heart leaves a bad taste in our mouth. If you want to talk about your ex, do it with a therapist. We don’t want to hear it."

—Anonymous

"Talking about their exes in such a derogatory manner. No, it does not reassure me when you tell me that I seem different from your 'crazy' ex. Chances are, she asked for more than the bare minimum and you were not prepared to give it to her!"

—Anonymous

"Stop badmouthing your ex! I do not want to know the details of her cheating, turning your kids against you, taking all your money in the divorce, or how toward the end of your relationship, she turned controlling, frigid, and distant. I’ve been in enough bad relationships myself, and believe me, girlfriends talk! I know enough about all their relationships, too, to know that most women do not just turn on a good partner. Instead of focusing on her, tell me what you’ve learned about yourself, the self-work you’ve done, how you can be a better partner, what you are doing now to attract a partner that is better suited for you, etc. Doing so is infinitely more attractive to women. Remember: Men assume they are competing with the top 10% of other men when, in reality, they are competing with the peace a woman feels when she’s alone. Any woman aware of her value will prioritize her peace over any drama with your ex."

—Anonymous

5."Do not touch me, especially if we meet online and not in person, through friends, or through work. Nothing will guarantee no second date like unwanted touching. I had a man I met online run his fingers across my back multiple times on our first date. It showed me that he did not respect people's bodies or boundaries. It ruined the vibe for me and immediately turned off any further interest."

—Anonymous

6."For the love of all humanity, don't douse yourself in cologne! Learn how to properly apply fragrance, or don't and just take a shower. Some people are sensitive to strong scents. We want to taste our meal, not your cologne!"

—crafty_gm

7."Saying stuff like, 'If this goes long term,' or 'In the future...' Like, bro, we just met. I’m not thinking about our relationship five years into the future. Enjoy the current moment, and maybe we’ll go far. Until then, let’s not get our rings sized, please."

—ronald_weasley

"Acting like I'm already 'yours' and laying down the first 'rule' of being your girlfriend. I had liked someone for a few months who liked me back. He wanted to meet at a bar. OK by me. It was a public place in a small town where everyone knew everyone. I was thinking 6:00 p.m. or so. He wanted to meet at 2:00 p.m. Huh? I got there at 6:00, and he had been there since 2:00 and was clearly drunk. I decided I'd have a beer, chat a bit, and go home, but I already knew this wasn't for me. About half an hour in, I turned to chat with another local when my date leaned into me and said he was 'okay with me talking to other people.' I left. I found out later he had quite the track record of abuse. I dodged a bullet with that one."

—Anonymous

8."Stop offering to pay just to bring it up later as if I owe you something in return. I literally won't let a man pay for anything on the first date for this reason."

—Anonymous

"Don't insist on paying when I'd rather split the bill, then act like I owe you something for paying. Sir, I am not a sex worker, and if I was, I'd charge more than the cost of a chicken salad. Thankfully, I've only experienced this once, but my friends still report it happening (I have been married for years)."

—noimpillagingeverybody

"Back in my online dating days, I'd insist on paying, especially if I knew I didn't want a second date, and guys would get BIG MAD about it because they want to pay and then call you a gold digger if you don't put out afterwards."

—butthatsnoneofmybusiness

"Don’t treat a date like a transaction. Women do not owe you anything because you paid for dinner. Also, don’t insist on paying if she clearly doesn’t want that."

—panda_13

9."Not having social/conversation skills. Don't just answer a question and then not say anything or ask me anything back. Don't make me jump from topic to topic trying to learn more about you to see if we would make a good match. Actually give details, ask me questions, and generally be charming and someone I want to keep talking to."

—Anonymous

10."Please dress like the date has some importance to you. Don't show up looking like you just cleaned out your garage."

—Anonymous

11."Don’t talk mostly about yourself and how the world has failed you. I know sometimes life isn’t great, but when you complain about how everything in your life sucks and how you shouldn’t be 'treated this way' due to your own sense of entitlement, it tells me that you’re a narcissist man-child who wants a female with a lack in personality to cater to your every whim and complaint. Hard pass. It’s nice to have an equal conversation with someone on the first date; that’s what it’s for!"

—msjsa

12."Put your phone on SILENT and talk to me. Seriously. Unless you have a sick kid or something, please give your date your full attention. The phone is now a buffer and a tool used to ignore someone, and it's so unbelievably rude. If you can't even go an hour without your precious device, boy, bye."

—morgan_le_slay

13."Based on my last date with a man, do not drone on for the entire date about the most mundane things. Ask the other person questions about themselves. Let them tell stories, and build off of their stories with one of your own. You're there to get to know them, not spend 40 minutes talking about how you schemed to get around your job's facial hair rules in the '90s. But, it goes both ways. If someone asks you a question that requires you to elaborate or you have an opportunity to elaborate, don't just reply with one or two words. I remember asking a guy who said he played instruments what kind of instruments he played, and he replied, 'Tons.' The conversation ended there."

—justchillman

"Don't hog the conversation! I want to hear about what someone loves doing and what their passions are, but I expect to have the same opportunity to talk about myself. Then, we can have a conversation and ask each other questions. Guys who hog conversations aren't fun."

—tiger24___

"Talking nonstop about themselves and then asking, 'So, what do you want to know about me?' the second there is a lull in the conversation/monologue. This has happened MULTIPLE times. Bonus points if it’s paired with the guy asking a question and then not giving space to answer, but using it, instead, as an opportunity to just continue talking about a new topic. And they are always, without exception, SHOCKED when I decline a second date."

—Anonymous

14."Gatekeeping questions. I'm a huge comic book nerd and can probably answer whatever esoteric question about my fandoms that you care to ask, but I dislike the whole premise that I have to 'prove' my bona fides."

—triffid77

15."Stop acting like every woman wants you and that you're only doing this because you take pity on me. Plus, we all know with that type of attitude, you'll get dropped real quick."

—queenlovie

16."Drinking before you arrive to relax their nerves, only to continue to drink and get drunk."

—Anonymous

17."Anything sexualized, suggestive jokes, sexual comments, too much attention to my physical attractiveness and less attention on me as a person, my brain, etc."

—janets490561027

"This might just be me, but please do not comment on my body (either positively or negatively). Saying, 'You look beautiful,' — I love to hear that. 'Your breasts are nice,' — I know, but I’ve known you for 35 seconds. As an ace person who isn’t sexually attracted to people, I’d rather hear compliments about my mind or my clothes rather than my sexual characteristics."

—katkat007

18."Talking about ANYTHING to do with their salary."

—Anonymous

19."First dates are equivalent to two dogs sniffing each other in the park. There's too much attention and expectation given to first dates (like dressing up and spending lots of money). Go have an ice cream or coffee together and keep it short and sweet with a bigger focus on the second date."

—ashdjas

20."Being dishonest about their intentions. Full stop."

—meow_mix

21."Men should stop saying, 'Do you know how long it's been since I've been with a woman?' It's inappropriate on a first date."

—Anonymous

22."Looking around at other women. Look at me; I'm your date!"

—Anonymous

23.Finally: "Telling me they had a great time and want to see me again, then ghosting the next day."

—Anonymous

I want to open the floor to anyone and everyone. What's something you wish people in general would stop doing/saying on first dates???

Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.