Recently, we asked the BuzzFeed Community to share when they realized a friend or a date was a "nice guy." Here are their infuriating stories!
1."I was in high school at a house party. When I first got there, my friends immediately ditched me and I was cornered by a guy and let me just say, it got awkward very quickly. He started off by complimenting my height?? (I'm 5'10). Then he immediately went into self pity mode telling me his whole life history and how his parents think he's a disappointment and how his grandma had just passed away. I didn't really know what to say (we'd just met five minutes ago) so I just did an awkward grin with a 'sorry about that.'"
"I tried to make up an excuse to go away, but he wouldn't leave me and proceeded to absolutely insult the shit out of me trying to play it off as flirting.... everything from my nose, my hair, my clothes to my fucking VOICE. I tried to run away but he dragged me to where the drinks were and pressured me to have a shot of tequila. I said no, so he got really close to my ear and whispered 'do it for my grandma.' Most passive aggressive flirting I've ever experienced."
2."He waited to kiss me, waited to have sex, telling me all the time how noble he is for waiting, how so many other guys wouldn't, how I *should* sleep with him because that's what people do when they love each other. Yeah he was 'nice,' paid for dates, asked open ended questions, but turns out he was a predator, 10 years older, and hiding a wife and his religion (Jehovahs Witness) from me for two years."
3."I was briefly dating a 'nice guy'. We had a disagreement talking about where this was heading and in the end he told me, 'If I wanted you, I could have you. I can have any girl I want. if I wanted to date you I'd be dating you and if I wanted to fuck you I'd be fucking you.' I cut off all contact and he kept asking me why I was upset and said he did nothing wrong."
4."I went on a date with a guy I met online. During dinner he repeatedly told me that he was a nice person after giving backhanded compliments about my appearance all evening. Saying things like 'I love women with long brown hair but yours is okay' (my hair was short and jet black). He proceed to get out his phone and show me the type of women he was into. I was truly confused why he was on date with me. When I asked why did we want to go out of a date with me knowing that I didn’t look like these women, he said because he’s different than most men and he’s a nice person willing to give people a chance."
5."I was forced into a date by a 'nice guy.' I was working on a friend’s short film the week after my boyfriend of eight years broke up with me. I was pretty down and I met this guy on set who I believed was gay. We clicked instantly so I told him how sad I was about my breakup. He listened and gave me advice. Turns out we both loved showtunes and we lived near each other so he suggested car pooling the rest of the shoot so we could do Broadway sing-alongs in the car. I agreed, excited about my new friend. Last day on set he surprises me by telling me he is interested in me and would like to take me on a date. I was shocked, also because we had talked all week about how much I was hurting over my ex. I politely declined and he said he understood. On the ride back, I noticed we were going a different route home."
"I asked where we were going and he stated he was taking me out. I was shocked. I asked him to please take me home. I was not interested in him like that. He still took me to a restaurant. I didn’t know what to do at that point (Uber wasn’t a thing then and I was too broke for a cab). I had dinner with him. It was extremely awkward. He then wanted me to try desserts, I kept asking for him to take me home and he kept ignoring me. I know I should have asked someone for help but I felt like one wrong move and things would get worse. I had dessert and he took me home. I ran out that car and blocked his number."
6."Luckily it was one date, but I met with a gentleman from bumble. I could tell right away when we met up there was nothing there, no chemistry, so I was just going to get through the date and then never see him again. We sat down he ordered an appetizer without consulting me, so I was already kinda like on guard. When I left he was at my car and was saying bye, and he hugged me and tried to kiss me but I dodged it and smiled and said thanks. Well, he texts me over the next few days, I’m trying to just let it fizzle and blame my not meeting him with being busy until finally he’s like 'just give me one more chance' so I finally tell him 'I'm sorry Im just not interested in a relationship with anyone right now' (again trying to be polite). Well, he changes his tone real fast to 'I just wanted to have sex with you I don’t actually like you. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone like you.' I just said 'cool' and blocked that noise."
7."I didn’t realize it until after our very short relationship ended, but being told, 'I treat women so good, I was so nice to you, you bitch' by someone who didn’t take my calls during a pregnancy scare was cool."
8."Ok, I had a fake 'nice guy' talk to me online back in the day. He was too young for me and when I told him so (I was trying to be nice) he told me 'maybe you’d better be more welcoming to me because not every guy appreciates big girls.' I didn’t even know about negging and other red flags back then but that response got a permanent block."
9."We went on more dates than I’d like to admit….on the first date he told me he got his new car with a sun roof to show off to girls. Bragged about all the money he made. On the fourth date he was upset I didn’t want to hook up with him after dinner and he said, 'Why do you dress all nice like that if you don’t want to??!!' He was weird around my friends who tried to include him. Bad vibes all around."
10."He showed up at my house in a fedora and a corduroy coat that went to his calves…even though that says it all, he then proceeded to talk about only himself, called me ‘dummy thicc’ being completely serious, and then even though I ended the date early, he tried to tell me what we’d do for the second one!"
11."Wasn't a date, but a coworker. We hit it off and it seemed like we would have an awesome friendship — lots to talk about, common interests, etc. But then the red flags... One day he came to our place of work on his day off to ask me out (PSA for anyone thinking that's a good idea: IT IS NOT ok to ask someone out when they are at work, because if they feel uncomfortable they cannot just get up and leave). I reminded him that I was already seeing someone, which he knew, and I also have a personal policy of not dating coworkers. Instead of taking my no as his answer, he continued to pursue me (at work) and constantly left me gifts, sent insanely long and emotionally-charged texts, and continued to ask me out 'as friends.' I finally told him that this was all inappropriate, and his response was to tell me 'he's really a nice guy, he's just never felt like this before.'"
12."Met a guy for dinner/drinks at a casual restaurant. He comments how nice it is to actually meet someone who really looks like their profile photo.Second date he asks me to go on a date at the beach (this is FL) so I wear a sundress/flip flops. Turns out it was his parents surprise anniversary party so he took me to this incredibly expensive country club (with no prior warning) so not only did I awkwardly meet his whole family on our second date, he then proceeded to send me texts later that night telling me I should have thanked him for taking me to such a nice place and put more effort into my appearance 'at the Club.'"
"I reminded him he ambushed me with the change of plans after I’d arrived dressed for the date I thought we were having. He still insisted I should have 'thanked him' more."
13."Started messaging a guy on Tinder, self-described nice guy looking for a relationship, we had some common interests. I was messaging him during my lunch hour at work, then had to put my phone away for the rest of my shift. (I was a retail manager, which he knew.) Five-ish hours later I picked up my phone to like 10 messages from him about how rude and disrespectful I was for disappearing and not replying back to his messages right away and I can’t expect anyone to want to date me if I don’t respond to messages."
"I told him I was working, reminded him that I told him I was on my lunch hour, and told him he shouldn’t expect women to want to date him if he acts this unhinged while they’re at work. I waited until I could see him typing a response and unmatched and blocked him. Dodged a huge bullet, so glad I never met him in person."
14."On a first date with a guy, he was very nice and funny. He went in for a kiss at the end and I dodged it as i wasn’t feeling a kiss at that time. He ended up kissing my forehead and later sent me a message about how 'cute' he thought it was. We went on a second date where he eventually looked at me and said 'you owe me after that forehead kiss' and he grabbed my face and kissed me. I was turned off by him once he said 'you owe me.' He thought he was being so patient and gentle by kissing my forehead the first night, but then went on to believe he was 'owed' something. Yuck."
15."Twice! 1) Blind date. He had a fedora and slight neck beard. Took one look at me and said, 'Oof. I consider myself a gentleman but I deserve someone hotter.' And left."
"2) Different date. On the first date he brought up how he pursued women who ended up only wanting 'fuckboys.' So he decided to go for 'less attractive females' because by his logic, their lower self esteem would be an easier lay for him. WHY he shared this and thought he was still getting laid is beyond me but I excused myself to use the restroom and just left."
16."I was in an abusive relationship. I lost a lot of friends during this time but it turned out it was also thanks to a 'nice guy' friend. For years he was telling me what a great guy he is. How nice he is. How ever one sees how great he is. It was constant. Slowly, no one I met through him wanted anything to do with me. When I finally left my abusive relationship and had some time to myself I decided to give the 'nice guy' friend a chance to date. I really started to like him. [But] once he had a shot, he started treating me badly. I was 'unattractive, dumb, not his type, annoying. I had nothing to offer.' Where is this nice guy?"
"Then one night out his friend spilled the tea. Turns out he was telling the people he introduced me to and lord knows who else for years, 'I kept promising to leave my boyfriend who was abusive to be with him then was not doing it.' He said it was a misunderstanding. It wasn't. If they say 'I'm a nice guy'...run."
17."I started dating this guy and he seemed very cool and laid back. He told me he thought it was cool that I felt so free with my own body that I didn't care what others thought about my body art or that I had a mohawk. That all changed when he realized he couldn't pressure me into getting an IUD to 'stop my periods' like his ex-girlfriend had. Suddenly he was making a big deal about the fact I bleed once a month. The last straw was the night he took me to a fancy restaurant. All went well until two women came in, holding hands and not hiding their attraction for each other. Suddenly the man I was still trying to get to know stood up and started screaming homophobic things at these women. It was over at that point."
"I ended things right then and went home to digest what I had just witnessed. During that time I went onto the website I had met him on, looking to try again and there he was with the headline 'I'm A Keeper.' I hope no one else fell for that BS. He was anything BUT a keeper."
18."This guy I matched with on Tinder asked if we could talk on the phone. At first I said no, that I just wasn't really feeling like doing that at the moment, but he insisted it didn't have to be long and he just wanted to see how we clicked, so I said, 'alright sure.' Not two minutes into the conversation he starts talking about how 'millennials have less sex than other generations' and 'isn't that weird because why would you not want to participate in something that great?' I told him I needed to go. He asked why and I made something up like my phone was dying at first because I was just trying to avoid the awkwardness. He said he knew I was lying so I finally just told him the truth, that his chosen topic of conversation was making me uncomfortable and I wanted to go. He said I was a bitch and that if I couldn't even 'handle a five minute phone conversation then maybe I shouldn't be dating at all.'"
19."I had a horrible 'nice guy' that I went on two dates with. Before our first date, I went to the beach and developed sun exhaustion from staying outdoors for over two hours in 90 degree weather. I met with friends before developing symptoms ... I thought I was going to be sick or faint. I let him know as soon as we arrived for dinner that I wasn’t hungry but he proceeded to order for us, which was annoying. I tried to sit through the meal, but as soon as the food was served the smell made me so nauseous I began to tremble. I told him I needed to leave because I was feeling worse and he insisted I try to stay for the food, but I told him it would be better for him to take it home."
"About a week passed before we rescheduled for the second date and decided to go for a meal somewhere else. He had the nerve to tell me that he thought I left the first date early because I didn’t find him attractive and guilted me into apologizing. Never saw him again. 'Nice guy' my ass."
20."His eyes glazed over as soon as I started talking about anything that interested me, which wasn’t a great start, and then he got weirdly offended that I didn’t like him hugging me without asking. I didn’t even say anything negative, but I guess I looked unhappy. I have sensory issues and really don’t like being touched, and I think it should be common courtesy to ask first and respect if someone says no."
21.And finally..."I dated (very briefly) an engineer who would talk down to me and denigrate my profession (I was in the automotive industry at the time) and the fact that I didn't have a degree. At the same time, I needed to be the one to drive everywhere because his car was too crappy and unreliable, and we could only spend time at my townhouse because he lived in a shitty, filthy apartment with two roommates."
"I let him know it wasn't going to work out and I wasn't interested but I wished him luck, and he responded with a two-page email tirade about how awful I am and he's just too nice, blah blah blah. Sure Jan."