Women Are Sharing The Exact Moment They Knew Parenting Wasn't Right For Them, And Honestly, Not Wanting Kids Should Be Normalized ASAP
It's 2023, and it's time people realize that not everyone wants to be a parent! If you're sick of that annoying and suffocating pressure to "hurry up and have kids already" from your friends, parents, or even complete strangers who think they know what's best for you, it's kind of freeing to realize, "Hey, I don't even need to have kids."
Showtime / Via giphy.com
And a lot of people feel the exact same way. Recently, over on the Ask Women subreddit, u/KindlyYam6687 asked, "Women of Reddit, if you have decided not to have children, what was the defining moment of your decision?" And the comments did not disappoint. Here are some of the best responses:
1."I never really liked or wanted kids, but I figured I would have them eventually, because that's what you do. But then, there was the year that my 5-year-old cousin got a whistle in her Christmas cracker and blew it all...fucking...night. My ovaries shriveled to raisins that night."
"When I was 18, our neighbor's kid played with a toy car with siren noises every day. I just couldn't take it. Even now at 40, I cannot handle kids screaming for more than 15 minutes. I always feel sad and amazed at parents with their noisy kids. One part of me is in awe at their humane abilities, and the other part is like, 'Why did you want this?'"
2."Watching my mom get a third-degree tear in real time while giving birth to my youngest sister. I was 11."
"When I was 8 years old, watching my mother give birth to my brother. I thought, 'I’ll never let this happen to my body.' It was not 'magical' as she described it."
3."I was on my second date with my partner, and he said, 'Before we go any further, I don't want kids. Never have and never will.' And I was like, 'Holy shit. That's an option?!' It was so incredibly freeing. We've been together six years and are happily childfree."
4."I felt like a burden as a child, like I was unloved and unwanted. I decided when I was pretty young that I would never have kids because I would never want them to worry about if they were lovable enough."
5."Realizing that most of my health problems and my family's health problems are genetic. I have a lot of mental health issues, heart problems, and diabetes. I wouldn't want my child to go through the same issues. That's unfair to them."
6."When I was a kid and my mom screamed at me that one day when I have children, I'd understand why she was so tired, stressed, and miserable all the time."
7."I remember being at a water park when I was around 8 years old, and I was so annoyed with the smaller kids. I knew then that I didn’t want any."
8."A boyfriend (ex now, of course) mentioned that he wanted a kid one day. I realized in that moment that I had never thought someone would expect me to have a kid for them. I put a bunch more thought into the decision, and then got my tubes removed at 25."
9."Realizing that having children was more of a societal pressure in order to have 'a fulfilling life,' but that the things in my life that bring me fulfillment don't include children."
10."I was, like, 6, playing with my Barbies, and my dad made some remark about how I'd be a good mother one day. I looked up at him, said, 'I don't want kids,' and then went right back to my dolls."
11."I heard someone say, 'It's better to regret not having a kid than to regret having a kid.' I had waffled for years before then, but that decided it for me."
12."Seeing the exponential population growth curve in an environmental class in college. This was in the early '90s. I’m 51 now, and every day, I’m grateful for my decision."
13."When Roe v. Wade got overturned, it was my final straw. I decided that I would rather die than be forced to have a kid if I ever did get pregnant."
14."When I found out that there were only two ways the baby could come out — and both sounded awful."
15."I have a 'defining moment' almost every time I see parents with young children outside. They almost always appear to be in abject misery. I’ve seen way too many mothers, and a good deal of fathers, dying inside with every step of a walk they were trying desperately to enjoy, as their kicking, wriggling, howling child subjects each of their senses to torture. It seems that every little thing becomes difficult when you have kids. Every time I see it, it cements my choice."
16."As the oldest of five children, I helped my mom raise my siblings. One day, while on a trip with my family, my brother got lost, and we thought he was gone. Thankfully, we found him, but I cried for days about almost losing him. If I felt that way about a sibling, I knew I would be an overbearing, stressed out, overprotective, and anxious mother."
17."I have never been so sure of a choice in my life as when COVID-19 started. Every single person with kids was losing their minds."
18."Getting diagnosed with ADHD in my 30s. I realized, after more research, that my mom almost certainly has it, too. But she never got the chance to be diagnosed and treated. I saw how much she struggled to raise me, and I would never want that same experience for myself."
19."Realizing that every time I imagined having a child, I instantly began also daydreaming about how I could get a break from it, imagining who would watch it while I went out for some adult time, and wondering how I could avoid being tied to a school schedule."
"I tried picturing myself with a child, but all I could see in my head was the day they moved away from home."
20.And finally, "Getting my first puppy is what made me realize I didn't want to be a mother."
"I get annoyed dealing with my dog, who can be safely left alone for eight-ish hours if I want to go out. So, I can't even imagine dealing with a kid."
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
