Women Are Sharing Comments Their Mom Made To Them As Kids That They Later Realized Were Projections Of Her Own Insecurities
Note: This post contains mentions of disordered eating and body dysmorphia.
In recent years, society has started to grapple with the fact that women face unrealistic beauty standards, whether it's the shape of our bodies, the texture of our hair, or the visibility of our age. We often are introduced to these standards as young girls, internalize them, and then struggle with insecurities — and they don't just go away with motherhood. Instead, they persist and get passed down generationally. Unfortunately, it's common for mothers to perpetuate the same body image concerns with their daughters.
To help women feel less alone and amplify this cycle rooted in unrealistic beauty standards, here are the experiences and reflections of 47 women across BuzzFeed and Reddit, detailing how their mothers' comments and behaviors affected them:
1."Every time I tried to leave the house with my hair down, my mom would tell me it was a mess and to comb it. I have naturally wavy hair. Combing it won't make it less wavy, so I would just throw it into a ponytail and leave. Eventually, I became insecure. I even tried to have my hair straightened at a salon once, but it looked terrible. I never did it again. One day in high school, I decided to leave my hair down. My friends were surprised and asked me if I got a perm. I received compliments all day. That was when I realized I was beautiful, not 'messy' or 'homeless-looking.'"
"To this day, I have no idea why my mom did that to me."
2."Growing up, my mom, grandmother, aunt, and cousin were tiny. My mom used to brag about how she only weighed 117 pounds when I was born — she was also 17 at the time. I was a chubby kid and felt like a hulking monster next to these petite women. I don't know how often I heard, 'She would be so pretty if she just lost some of that weight.' It was enough to mess me up for life. I'm 53 now and don't think there's been a single day since I was 12 that I haven't thought about my weight."
3."My mom would complain about her 'big' nose all the time and apologize for giving me her nose. My entire life, I was insecure. I would reposition myself around boys so they wouldn't see my profile."
"My mom also showed me a picture of herself when she graduated from grad school. Instead of commenting on feeling proud of herself or what that accomplishment meant to her, she said, 'I was so large here.' She weighed 130 pounds then (which is how much I weigh now).
Now that she's maintained a lower weight, she constantly boasts about not needing to eat and how tiny her waist is. Growing up with a narcissistic mom has been a journey. These stories are sad but make me feel less alone."
4."My being fat was the worst thing my mom could imagine. She started giving me diet pills at 12 or 13 — some of which had fen-phen — and told me they were vitamins. She called me a whore for developing early and encouraged my brothers to grab my thighs and make pig noises. She taped up beauty pageant flyers by my bed and told me she'd enter me in one if I lost weight. She also told me I'd never 'get a man' looking like I did. I was a child. I didn't want a man or anyone else."
"I never had any interest in that stuff. I enjoyed making bike jumps and catching snakes. At 9, I developed my first depressive state following early puberty. By 11, I was a C cup and had heavy and unregulated periods.
My mom has been abusive my whole life, and now I'm her caretaker. She still tries her old bullshit on me, but I'm 40 now, and she has no sway. Still, she's exhausting. I feel a little less alone after seeing other women's stories."
5."I was a hug bug when I was little and used to love giving my friends hugs. That is, until my mother said, 'You shouldn't hug your girl friends. People might think things...' I asked her, 'What kind of things?' She responded, 'That you're different.' I was 8 then and found it hard to show physical affection afterward."
"She also used to say, 'You need to be less opinionated. How are you ever going to find a husband?'"
6."When I was a kid, my mom was overweight. She started working out and eating healthy when I was 8 or 9 and eventually lost weight. She worked hard for it and was happier, so I was proud of her. But from then on, she was desperate for me not to 'fall into the same trap.' She began commenting on what I ate, asking about my weight, and snidely remarking on whether or not my clothes still fit each summer. I then started obsessively calculating my BMI — I was always on the low end of the healthy spectrum — to have something to fire back with. I believe she genuinely thought she was looking out for me, but it screwed me up and added to the pile of insecurities I already had."
"My heart truly aches for all the girls who were told my their mom they weren't beautiful."
7."My mom would buy me custom-made clothes when I was little, around ages 9–14. While I've never been 'fat,' I've always had a belly. Every time I had a fitting appointment, my mom would say, 'Remember to suck in that belly so the dress looks better.' It was only a couple of years ago that I could look at my belly when trying clothes on, and I'm 38."
"I never went to therapy, and it was a long journey, but I understand now that nothing was wrong with my belly or any other part of my body. On the other hand, my mom still cannot understand why I was so obsessed."
8."My mom only dressed me in boys' clothing — two sizes too big — because girls' clothing was too revealing. She also kept my hair short because it was too messy. (She didn't know how to care for my curly hair and would brush it out, leaving it poofy and frizzy.) I got teased a lot. As I got older, I grew DDD cup breasts. My mom, who has A cups, then made me feel ashamed, so I continued wearing baggy men's clothes even though I had a gorgeous body. Now, I'm a G cup and wear women's clothes, but I still have major insecurities about my breasts and the attention they bring. I still obsess over my weight because the only time my breasts were smaller was when I was sickly thin (5'11 and 115 pounds)."
"While I'm not overweight, I'm always trying to lose weight in hopes of having smaller breasts. I know it's fucked up."
9."My mom has been overweight her whole life. She tells me how my grandparents would buy sweets but tell her she couldn't have them. My grandfather even told her she was getting as wide as she was tall. I've struggled with my weight my whole life, mostly because my parents fed us a shitty diet. They put me on diets as a kid while still buying shitty food. I remember getting into trouble for showing them the nutrition labels of the hot dogs we were eating. I also learned emotional eating from my mom. I hadn't even started puberty when she told me that my aunt said, 'She'd be a knockout if she just lost the weight.' For years, I bounced between a binge eating disorder and bulimia. It took a long time to overcome my resentment, but we can talk about it now. My mom regrets her mistakes, which makes me feel lucky."
"In high school, my parents split up but wouldn't file for divorce until after my sister's wedding. During that time, my mom used me as her confidant, spent a lot of time at the gym, and bragged about her weight loss. She didn't do it intentionally and wasn't trying to make me feel bad — just like her parents didn't intend to hurt her. They had both been prisoners of war and through hell. They just couldn't kid-glove it.
I am doing everything I can not to do the same to my children. My 10-year-old son has put on a lot of weight — especially during the pandemic, like so many. We talk about being healthy, making healthy food choices, and getting more active. We talk about how carrying extra weight can affect your body, but being healthy isn't the same as being 'skinny' but balanced."
10."At 31, I'm 5'7 and 100 pounds. This is normal in my family; we're all very thin. The difference is that I have my dad's legs and don't carry much weight in my calves. My mother and the rest of my seven sisters all have fantastic legs. When I was 16 or 17, I wore leggings with a tight-cropped shirt. My mom looked at me and said, 'Don't take this the wrong way, but you're too skinny for that outfit. Skin-tight head-to-toe clothing doesn't flatter you.' I was initially hurt because it was one of my insecurities, but she was right. It exaggerated my thinness and was not a look."
"I'm clearly very blessed to have my mom."
11."I started hating myself physically when I was really young. I'd break down completely while looking at myself in the changing room. I'd call myself fat and disgusting. It wouldn't have been right to say that about myself even if I had been fat, but I wasn't. My mom's only response was to reassure me that I could lose weight. Around that time, she also decided I'd be her diet buddy. That meant going on diets designed for adults as a kid. At some point, I've been on Nutrisystem, SlimFast, Weight Watchers, and a few other weight loss plans I can't remember. The most troubling was the hCG diet — you binge eat for a few days before eating an extremely restricted diet while taking hCG hormones for two months. Some days in that diet, you could only eat apples."
"It was...wild."
12."I grew up the second oldest of four girls and was the 'fat sister.' When I was 7, we went swimsuit shopping. My sisters had a lot to try on; I had two options because 'girls with bellies don't wear bikinis.' Mom would say that once I got boobs, my belly wouldn't look so big. When we went to Mexico, she told me I was considered more beautiful than my sisters because they liked chubby girls there. She was forever telling me that fat cells never disappear, and even if I lost weight, it would come right back. When I was 13, I lost 30 pounds and got taller. 'Some girls go crazy when they lose weight,' was all mom said as I measured out a cup of frozen veggies for lunch. I was on and off the scale all day long, obsessed with the idea that fat cells are forever. For more than 10 years now, I've struggled with eating disorders."
"She still says stupid shit if she sees me eat something unhealthy. I hope that I can love my children as they are and keep my mouth shut."
13."When I was a kid, I was made fun of in school for being rail-thin and flat-chested. My mom and best friend were both big girls, so I was made to diet with them and thought I was being supportive. Once I started to fill out, my mom constantly commented on my figure and what I ate. When I would try to use a different changing room, she demanded I change in front of her because 'I must be hiding something.' I was probably 12–14 at that time. Now, I'm a curvy, 27-year-old adult who is 5'8" and weighs 145 pounds."
"My mom had bariatric surgery, so she loves to point out how she now weighs less than me. She's 5'1". She also still comments on my body. I know it's because she's terrified that I'll gain weight like her, but I still struggle to love my body on a lot of days.
I thought my experience was unique, but I guess women's insecurities run so deeply that this is common for many moms."
14."I remember being forced to count how many peanuts I was allowed to eat and put on diet pills that made me shit myself (which she laughed about). She also constantly brought up weight loss surgery, followed by complaints about how I didn't meet the minimum weight requirement for insurance to cover it. In high school, she regularly told me I looked pre-diabetic and pointed out where fat hung out in every outfit I wore. She would pat my stomach and tell me to 'suck in my gut.' Whenever I ate, she would make faces and say, 'You're going to eat that!?' My dad was negative and critical of her body, and as I grew older, that passed to me."
"He used to make me wake up and go running before school while he and his friend would run behind me, yelling fat jokes. I look at pictures from high school now, and I was normal and healthy. It breaks my heart to remember what a fat, ugly cow I believed I was.
One day, my mother told me she and my dad were having problems in their marriage and that it was all because of me. Instead of feeling ashamed and guilty like she intended, I saw her and her narcissism with complete clarity and realized how broken things truly were. Now, I'm a few weeks away from the one-year anniversary of blocking both their phone numbers and moving away. It's amazing how much my self-esteem has improved. This was my upbringing, too. These stories really hit home."
15."My mom would regularly remind me that she was thin until she got pregnant with me. She would give me way more food than I could handle and would scream at me if I didn't eat it all. I was slightly overweight, but she would always tell me I was too thin and that I needed to eat more. I became convinced that she was trying to fatten me up to make herself feel better. I started flushing my dinner down the toilet so she wouldn't yell at me for not finishing it. Now, I'm approaching my 30s and gaining weight. I've been having frequent anxiety attacks because I desperately don't want to be fat and miserable like she was."
16."My mother found some jeans from her 20s, and when I tried them on, she chortled that she had been smaller in her 20s than I was in my teens."
17."When I was a teenager, my mom made all kinds of hurtful comments about my body that probably led to my long-term eating disorder — which she would also make jokes about. It's unclear whether or not she truly realized that I was legitimately struggling. She also always had something to say about my breast size. I'm a DDD, and she was an A cup — I must've gotten that from my dad's side of the family. When I was younger, I felt a lot of shame about my body and sex. As I age, it's been left in the past, and I can see where her hostility was really coming from."
18."My mom straight-up told me she was prettier, skinnier, and younger-looking than me when she was my age. She told my red-headed sister that her hair was ugly. (Mind you, my mom was a bottle blonde. Her hair was a mousy brown naturally.) I regularly heard that she passed as 'under age' on public transport when she was in her 20s — that she was anorexic (said proudly, by the way) in her teens."
"Even on her deathbed, she was proud of how skinny she was. Due to her illness, it was very important to her to be skinny." —u/Itsamemario3007
19."I always remember the day my mom — who has an AA cup — asked me, as if she were surprised, 'Is there padding in that bra?' I was like, 'Nope.' She was in bed, and I was standing above her. She reached out, poked my tit hard, and said, 'Oh, there's really not!' Then, she cupped her own boobs, looked at mine, and said, 'Well, yours will fall down. Mine will never fall down.'"
"I never wear padded bras, as I've always been around a D–DD cup. My smallest cup was a B when I was in the throes of an eating disorder, but I still never wore padded bras because I don't like inviting the attention that comes with larger breasts." —u/AllyuckUfasuck
20."My mom always told me that she would help me pay for a nose job if I ever wanted one. I grew up thinking I was so ugly and that my nose ruined my face. I now know that I'm not ugly at all, but my nose is still my biggest insecurity."
21."My mom didn't make too many comments, but my aunt especially did. All the women in my family are flat-chested. Any time I'd have cleavage showing, they'd act like they were getting blinded and tell me to cover up. I'm a C cup, so it's not like I have monster boobs. At one point, my aunt lost a bunch of weight. She showed us some new 'makeover' clothes that she'd bought and said to me, 'You could never wear this, your boobs are too big,' like it was an insult. Not long after, she claimed to have magically grown from an A cup to a C cup. It obviously made no sense, but she insisted it was from inhaling air pollutants where she lived. I later discovered she was buying oversized bras and stuffing them with gel pads so she could tell people her boobs had grown."
"So catty." —u/[deleted]
22."My mom told me that I didn't have 'ballet arms' when I was 6 or 7. I quit dancing immediately and have always been self-conscious of my arms. My mom was a ballerina for 15 years. Recently, I learned that when she and her sister were little, a teacher had told her sister that she didn’t have ballet arms. I guess it made my mom feel special to have been chosen, and she wanted to continue to feel special by putting me down."
23."I had acne as a teen. One year, my mom got me a blackhead removal kit as a Christmas gift. I spent a literal hour in the bathroom, mashing my face with these tools. When I came out and asked if it looked better, she responded, 'No, I can still play connect the dots on your face.' I went into the bathroom and cried while looking in the mirror before sinking to the floor."
24."My mom has always worn her eye makeup the same way: heavy lower eyeliner, mascara, and eyeshadow. It doesn't suit her and makes her eyes look tiny and dark, but it's what she likes. When I was growing up, we used to get ready in the bathroom together. I kind of learned how to do my makeup by watching her. The only difference was that I avoided eyeliner when I was younger. However, I guess it still wasn't right because one day, when I was 14, she made a comment about how I was applying my makeup and said that my mascara didn't look good. It's such a small comment to make, but I'm nearly 30 now, and I still don't like doing my makeup around anyone — whether it be my friends, my boyfriend, etc. — because I feel like I'll be criticized."
"However, I think the comment was prompted by her noticing that I didn't use eyeliner, and that teenage me was trying to do something different than what she liked. I say this because, for several years now, she has been complimenting my makeup and asking me to show her how I do it and what products I use, etc.
I think maybe she had wanted to try something different with her makeup but never knew how. As a result, she became defensive because she didn't know, but I was younger and did. Does that make sense?" —u/elegant_road551
25."My mom told me that I 'looked like a whore' when I was 12 and tried mascara on my lower lashes for the first time. She made sure I didn't really get a grip on makeup until my 20s. She also commented that I looked like 'a homeless child on the street' after I chose my own, slightly hippie-style clothes at a flea market when I was 14. She gave me the impression that I just wasn't a visual person. It lasted until my 20s."
26."My mother (and others) used to say that I was ugly or make certain comments about me that made me feel ugly. Obviously, I grew up with major self-esteem and confidence issues and hated the way I looked. I still do to a certain extent. However, when looking back at old photos, it's far from true that I was unattractive. It pains me to think of the many years I spent hiding away from the world because of my anxiety over the way I looked. I am not sure if my mom was actually bitter or jealous. I think she had periods of general unhappiness and discontent with her own life that she took it out on me by putting me down."
"I never confronted her about her words. We have a better relationship now, even though I still struggle with body dysmorphia." —u/Metacarpus88
27."My mom was very beautiful back in her day and had a super-hot bod, but she let herself go quite a bit after her kids. She weighed close to 300 pounds (if not more) when I was growing up. I remember being chubby my whole childhood because she used to overfeed me. She'd also say she was much thinner than I was. When I'd get bullied about my weight, she'd tell me that when she was younger, she would just ignore people and that I should do the same. She also used to manipulate me into wearing certain things by saying that if I wore it, it would help me lose weight — things like sweat pants, for example. It became such a problem that I've battled with eating disorders. Even now, as I'm closer to my 30s, she always comments on how fat I've gotten or how my clothes look unflattering."
"When I was pregnant, she told me to stop eating ice cream or I would turn into a pig. Needless to say, I avoid her as often as possible." —u/Consistent-Skirt7290
28."When I was 21, I was depressed because I broke up with my abusive boyfriend who I somehow wanted back. I weighed 99 pounds. My bones showed everywhere. When my parents came to visit, my mom said, 'You look so good, skinny, and slim like that!' I told her that I'd barely eat and cry myself to sleep every night. After a few moments of silence, she replied, 'It's going to be fine. Just don't get fat like I did.' A few months passed, and I'd gained some weight and felt a lot better. When I went home, the first thing my mom said was: 'Did you put some weight on? Do not get fat, please! Look at your arms — they're starting to get chubby!' I was 110 pounds then. I replied, 'I feel better than how I felt before. I eat regularly and exercise. This is what you tell me?' She gave me this ugly look and said, 'If you get any chubbier, no man will look at you. I used to grab men’s attention all the time. It made me feel pretty.'"
"During my depressive episode, I was barely doing stuff for college and barely passing my exams. I used to drink a bottle of wine a night and smoke a pack a day. I was literally sick.
With my mom, it wasn’t necessarily a jealousy type of thing. She was projecting her own insecurities on me, and that bothered me very much. I still think about it every now and then." —u/uiaana
29."I thought I was the only one who experienced this. As a kid, I was always underweight. Around ages 12–13, I gained some weight and ended up on the thinner end of 'healthy.' My mother would always make snide remarks about my body — like my butt is too big, and my thighs are too fat. At most, I was average-sized. I feel like this came from her own insecurities, as she was overweight, and my dad would always make degrading comments about her body. It really hurt at the time — I had an eating disorder when I was 10–11 — but I've learned to just ignore her now."
"Her South Asian culture might also have something to do with it." —u/dumbbitch1234567
30."My mom kept all her journals from her teen years. She had a very obvious, undiagnosed eating disorder, so these journals mostly contain obsessive measurements of her chest, waist, hips, dress size, and weight. She used to get drunk and weigh me to point out how I was much 'less hot and healthy' compared to her. She would also tell me that I was 'wasting the great genes she gave me' by not being thin. Big yikes. As you might expect, it created an eating disorder. Later, when I was in college, I got my belly button pierced. My mom then decided to tell me that she would look even better with a belly button piercing if I didn't make her have an emergency C-section."
"Any young girls reading this: You are so BEAUTIFUL and worth so much more than your weight or bra size. Don't let anyone make you think that you aren't.
Fellow moms: Your child really pays attention to how you talk about bodies. Do so gracefully and respectfully, because that's what you and your child both deserve." —u/comfycucumber
31."At 16, I was struggling with one of my nipples inverting. I was terrified, and the internet did not help. I confided in my mom, and she asked me to see it. I took my shirt off and showed her, and she laughed in my face — did not help or console me whatsoever. Soon after that, I went to the doctor without her help. Even today, I am self-conscious about my breasts, though I have no reason to be at all. My brain knows it, but I can't get over what happened. My mom also used to tell me I was a 'late bloomer.' Well, my body hasn't changed since I was a teen. I'm petite with small breasts. Guess I never bloomed. I fucking hate that term."
"Thank goodness I have a supportive partner who tells me my body is beautiful. I'm the shape of a '90s supermodel, and that should have never been in style." —u/RankNFile17
32."When I was 12 and in seventh grade, I had this pair of shorts that I loved. They were sparkly and purple. I wore them constantly. However, my mom would often put them on and constantly brag to everybody about how she could fit into my shorts. Mind you, these shorts fit me when I was still child-like. A year later, when I went through a growth spurt and gained 20 pounds, I was insanely insecure that my mom could still fit into the shorts, but I no longer could. Once I couldn't fit into them anymore, she gleefully took them and continued bragging about how she could. Looking back now at age 31, I realize that my mom had some serious body image issues. I also think she was dealing with an eating disorder at the time."
"Either way, it was annoying AF, and I hated the feeling that she was competing with me." —u/MiddlingMe
33."My mom was 98 pounds when she graduated high school. I was a chunky kid. I had my dad's genes, and when I was pre-pubescent (around 10), I gained 50 pounds in a year for seemingly no reason. Instead of trying to get to the bottom of what happened, my mother was laser-focused on me losing weight. I was 10 years old and keeping a food journal. My mother monitored everything I put into my mouth. Right after I gained all that weight, she had me try on her wedding dress. She got married at 29. I was 10. It didn't fit me. I still remember how terrible I felt about it. To this day, she tries to incentivize me to lose weight. I hate shopping with her because, even though she's gained weight, she is a smaller size than I am — she's also 7 inches shorter. If I find something I like that doesn't come in my size, she'll buy it for herself and tell me I can have it when I lose enough weight."
34."My mom's probably an AA cup, and any time I'd show any cleavage, it was like the world was coming to an end. When we would go clothes shopping, I was constantly told nothing would fit me because I had 'no boobs like her.' At the same time, showing any skin whatsoever was inappropriate. Basically, I only wore loose-fitting shirts until I graduated from high school. My mom also tried to convince me that I, too, was an AA cup. I wore the wrong bra size until I was 18–19. Thankfully, a friend in my first year of university took me bra fitting. Turns out, I'm actually a C cup."
35."My mom always said I was cute and beautiful, and she bolstered my physical appearance. However, she also put a large emphasis on attracting men, and she hated her own appearance. It was intense enough that my relationships with men suffered a bit until I went to therapy."
36."When I struggled with acne as a teen, my adoptive father initiated a dinner table discussion about how I 'didn't wash my face, obviously, because only boys get pimples.' My mom — who'd never had a pimple in her life despite not washing her face — started too. After about five minutes, I emotionlessly said, 'I really don't care.' My mom responded, 'Yeah, of course, you wouldn't. You don't have to look at yourself. Everyone else has to.'"
"I didn't respond. Instead, I got up to clean my plate, but my mom came storming into the kitchen after me, screaming about what sort of an asshole and immature, teenage-whatever I was.
I didn't say a word at first, then calmly said, 'Someone has to behave like the adult around here,' and walked away. She shouted, 'Go to your room and don't come out! I don't want to see you!' Ever since then, I developed body dysmorphic disorder around my skin." —u/Curious-Garbage-1998
37."When I had my first boyfriend, my mom always told me that she was way more experienced at my age and had a higher body count than me. She also made those comments when my boyfriend was around. It doesn't really affect me now, but back then when I was still a virgin, I was definitely worried about not having sex."
38."My mom used to do some modeling, and she’d bring it up constantly whenever anyone complimented me. In my early teens, she'd put huge pressure on me to turn out like she did. Now that we're well past that and I'm more confident in myself, I can tell she was just jealous. But for a few years, I really felt disconnected from her and couldn't feel comfortable in my own skin."
39."The only two times I've told her about being catcalled, she's either blamed it on me or said something like, 'Well, you should be grateful. I don't get that type of attention from men anymore.' The first time I told her, I was 14 and walking home in my school uniform. The second time, I was 19 and walking in the forest near my house."
"I don't tell her when I get catcalled anymore." —u/mother_of_squid
40."One day, there was a guy my age tutoring my younger brother. My father wanted me to socialize more with people my age, so he suggested I say hi to the tutor. I have social anxiety and denied the advice. My mom then commented, 'Your response would have been understandable if you were as pretty as I used to be at your age.' Honestly, that comment haunts me every day."
41."As my body grew into that of a woman's — though I was still very much a girl — and the natural insecurities started, my mom would state that it was 'brave' of me to wear shorts with 'my legs.' I was a perfectly normal weight at that time. And even if I weren't, what the fuck? She would constantly talk about my body and how she always was way slimmer than me. One Christmas, I celebrated with friends and happily told her about it, mentioning, 'I ate so much.' She responded, 'Yeah, we can see that.' And it continued on and on. When I got diagnosed with a thyroid condition, she said, 'I saw that your neck was swollen and fat a while ago, but I didn't want to say anything because you are so sensitive.'"
"Wow, the one time where it could've been relevant to point out a change in my body — of course, it's my fault. Once I fully realized her behavior, I told her to shut the fuck up. It helped but only for a short period of time.
I still feel the effects of that, and I've sought out therapy to develop a better sense of self and to relate to my body more again." —u/littlemamba321
42."My mom absolutely refused to believe I had bigger boobs than her. I'd complained about being a D cup and then a DD cup, but she wouldn't buy me the correct size bra until we went to Victoria's Secret, and they measured me. She then thought they were upselling me to make me feel good. It turned out she had D cups, too, that she had been squeezing into B cups for years."
43."My mother constantly called me a 'dyke' because I hated ballet and wanted to play soccer. I'm now a full-grown adult, and she called me 'butch' last week for taking MMA classes to get in shape."
"My mother is easily the most toxic person on the planet. For context, this woman looks like the Crypt Keeper and Dr. Eggman had a baby." —u/[deleted]
44."I don't think my mom ever meant it in a bad way when I was younger, but she's always commented on how long and thin my legs are. She always says that I 'have dad's legs' and not hers. I think it irks her more nowadays. She hates that I wear skinny jeans in my mid-30s and claims that they 'restrict your blood flow,' so I know she's jealous of my legs. I also don't think it helps that I'm a lot taller than her as well."
45."When I was 20, ultra low-rise jeans were popular. Because of that, I bought my first pair of bikini, string-style underwear. I don't remember how my mom found them, but when she saw them, she asked, 'How doesn't your pubic hair stick out?' I side-eyed her and said, '...I shave it.' She then gave me the most disgusted look as though I were a horrible person for shaving so that I could look nice in underwear. In my early 30s, I started eating clean and lifting heavy weights. I ended up losing weight, and she said, 'Are you trying to be anorexic or something?'"
"Both of those experiences stuck out to me — I remember her tone of voice, the disgust on her face, the inability to accept me for being different from her. I'm 41 now, and it still bugs me." —u/savethedrama97
46."I was in the best shape of my life in high school. I played varsity sports and was really proud of myself. One time, I showed my mom a bikini I purchased for a pool party. She responded, 'Girls your size shouldn't wear bikinis,' then smiled and bragged about how she weighed less than I did when she was pregnant. At the time, I was 5'2" and weighed 125 pounds with D cups. When my mom had me, she was 5' and weighed 100 pounds with A cups. She put me on my first diet when I was 8 because I started growing breasts. No elementary school child should be forced to drink SlimFast — especially at school lunch."
47."One time, I was in my bathroom, doing my hair and makeup with the door open. I wore form-fitted clothing — nothing absurdly tight but you could see my figure — and weighed 115–120 pounds at most. I've always been a stick and still am, even though I'm over 30 now. Anyway, my mother walked by and watched me for a moment. She made that 'tsk' sound, so I turned to her. We locked eyes in time for me to hear her say, 'You're getting fat.' She then left to lock herself in her room. It didn't stick with me because I believed her — I could look in a mirror and genuinely recognize that it was her projection — but because she was supposed to be my mother — the woman who's always in my corner, supporting me, being my rock and shield. It's stuck with me because, in that moment, I was able to recognize that she was broken."
"She was not this almighty person without faults. My parents were both narcissists, so it was kind of an epiphany for me. They always gaslighted me, and this was THE moment it all made sense to me.
So when my mother said that to me, she actually did me a favor because that gave me the clarity I truly needed. Without knowing it, she unknowingly gave me permission to completely disregard her words and behaviors from my conscience. As backward as it is when I think of that moment, I feel the freedom it gave me." —u/Xandrathea
The National Eating Disorders Association helpline is 1-800-931-2237; for 24/7 crisis support, text “NEDA” to 741741.
Note: Responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.
