Women Are Sharing The Thing Their Partner Told Them When They Were Feeling Insecure During Sex, And Every Sexually Active Adult Needs To Take Notes
Note: This story mentions sexual assault.
While sex can be a pleasurable experience, it can also be an anxiety-inducing one for a myriad of reasons. So when Reddit user u/stripawayunnecessary asked r/AskWomen: "What is something a sexual partner has said to you in bed that has eased your anxiety?" I thought it would be helpful to share some of these women's experiences. Here's what they had to say.
1."My husband has said so many wonderful things over the years, but the first time we had PIV (penis-in-vagina sex) after our son was born, and I was afraid it would be painful — I had a VERY difficult birth with a 10-pound baby — he said, 'The minute anything isn’t comfortable, I’ll stop. Slow and easy, slow and easy. There is no rush.' And I swear my worries just evaporated and it was so tender and sweet and lovely. This man, if I could clone him, would make me a billionaire! He’s just amazing!"
2."I have these stretch marks that arch over my hips, and he rubbed his thumb over them and said, 'I like your strips.' I never really had a problem with them before but I found them beautiful after that."
"I (23f) have a ton of stretch marks all over my thighs, hips, back, and chest. (Puberty hit me like a ton of bricks. lol) My partner (23m) said I look like a Greek statue made of veined marble. I didn’t know if I was gonna cry or have an orgasm."
3."I'm three months postpartum and had a 3rd-degree tear and an episiotomy. I also had someone remove my catheter incorrectly which caused a urethra prolapse. It hasn't healed because when do I have time to exercise? My husband and I have just been fooling around, using external stimulation for me via toys. This week, my doctor gave me the go-ahead to try sex, so I bought lube and told hubby we can try, let's just go slow. Last night, we were getting frisky and I went to grab the lube, he said, 'Can we just fool around like we usually do? I don't think you're ready. I know you said you are, but I can feel you're stressed about it and I don't want you to be. Let's try later and just enjoy tonight.'"
"My heart melted — but I'm pretty frustrated with my healing process; I wasn't expecting it to take this long. When I told my husband that, he said, 'When we decided to get pregnant, I was prepared for healing to take longer than expected so don't worry, because I'm not worried.' I love this man."
4."We were in our first two months of dating. We were messing around on the couch and he started to take my shirt off. I said I felt bloated. He said, 'I think you're beautiful. Would you like to get under the sheets?' That was nice. He respected that I didn’t want to be naked and exposed."
5."Asked for consent. Every step of the way. Very sexy. Very loving. I fell in love."
6."He said, 'I love your scent.'"
7."'We have all the time in the world. There's nobody here except us, and we're not accountable to anyone.' This made me feel so much better. He was right, there was no reason to do anything I wouldn't enjoy."
8.“I want you to lay back and relax, and let me go down on you for as long as I want."
9."After my hysterectomy and two vaginal cuff reconstruction surgeries that removed a significantly large portion of my vagina, my spouse said we would take our time and have fun exploring my new vagina together — that an orgasm was not the goal, but that we would definitely learn my body’s new needs together and eventually find satisfaction. My partner then proceeded to stop the action and fan me immediately whenever hot flashes popped up, would grab a blanket if it turned into a cold flash, and had no hesitation changing the tempo if a violent mood swing hit. Menopause is wild."
10."I just undressed getting ready and she said, 'You’re so fucking hot' and her mouth was open. I felt like a goddess and wonderful."
11."She held my hand and kept checking in on me while we did it. It was very sweet."
12."I'm MtF (male to female). She said, 'I know you are trans, and you sometimes don't like your body. Tonight I'm here to make you feel very sexy and loved. Since you hate penis-in-vagina sex, we won't do that tonight.' What made it more special is that I know this woman loved vagina penetration a ton. She was fine with just fingering and dildos. This lady also took the time to read through my list of preferred terms for my various body parts, and only ever used those terms."
13."Why don't you get on top so you can take it as slow as you’d like."
14."The first time we did it, we were laying in bed, him on top of me. As he pulled off my top, he just kinda stopped for a moment, looked down at me, covered his face for a second, and said, 'Oh my GOD, you are so beautiful.' I just melted right then and there."
15."My husband is very self-aware and knows he’s on the far end of the large spectrum. I’m only human. In the early stages of our relationship, I was trying to impress him and he could see I was struggling, so he calmly said, 'There’s no rush. I’m here with you and I want to enjoy this, and I can’t enjoy it if you can’t enjoy it. Lay back and relax.' It was the sincerity in his voice that kinda gave me my voice and let me say this hurts, this is too much, etc., etc. Now our sex life is straight-up magical."
16."I had a really bad past with sexual assault starting from toddler age. Sometimes I think back to all these times during sex with my current partner. One time, my body froze and I blanked out. My partner noticed this, he cupped my face, stroked my hair, and said, 'Hey, it’s okay. You’re completely safe with me. We don’t have to do this,' and kissed me on the forehead and began to kiss me all over my face with such softness and gentleness. Instantly, my body just relaxed and I felt so safe in his arms."
17."‘Why are you still actually still shaving your armpits? You say it gets itchy and I think you’d look pretty hot with hair there. The same goes for between your legs by the way.’ I stopped shaving and it’s been so liberating. I feel so sexy and I could finally quit scratching my armpits bloody."
18."It was the first time with my actual partner (unexpected), and I was nervous because I didn’t shave, and I came from a relationship where I was ashamed of not doing it. So I said to him, 'I’m sorry but I didn’t shave.' And he said, 'Don’t worry, me either. Is that ok?' And he kissed my forehead. We laughed and started kissing and became the best sex ever. This guy reminded me that not all men are trash like my ex."
19."'Play on your phone, watch some TV, do what you want. I'm going to be down here for a loooong time. This is for me; this is my happy place.' He said from between my thighs. He knows I have bad anxiety when it comes to taking a long time to finish. He takes all the pressure off me and makes me feel like he really wants to be down there. He's the best."
20."I have this scar on my back that makes me very self-conscious. He would trace it with the tip of his fingers and gently go over it with kisses. It was the sweetest thing ever and probably what made me get over this insecurity."
