35 Husbands, Boyfriends, And Partners Who Reaaalllllllllllly Tested Their Relationships
Recently, Reddit user Business-Wrangler-61 decided to ask the members of r/twoxchromosomes, "I want to hear the stupid excuses: Why your partners say they can't take ownership of the domestic and mental load." And let's just say their responses will make your eyes roll allllll the way back. Check it out:
1."He said he didn't do chores because I needed to make him a chore chart so he knew what he needed to do. Makes chore chart. He then said, 'I didn't do it because you didn't remind me of what was on the chore chart.' Don't worry, this guy is looong gone from my life, and I have never known such peace."
2."My ex-husband took me to court and said that I didn't give the baby enough baths as a reason he should get full custody (we disagreed about baby skincare). When the judge asked him why he didn't give the baths, he couldn't understand the question. He was legit confused because he was 'just the dad' and 'dads don't do baths.'"
3."One time, my ex broke his hand (being a drunken idiot) and used that as an excuse not to do anything. He looked me directly in the face and said, 'What do you expect me to do, empty the dishwasher with one hand?'"
4."I think the winner comes from a man I know (not my partner, thankfully) who said the following about why he never helped cook: 'Well, MY time is valuable.' Really cuts to the chase, right?"
5."My ex, after I had our first baby, told me that I can't expect him to change diapers and look after the baby because he used to have to look after his baby brothers when he was 15. He was 22 when he said this. So basically, he knew how but was tired of doing things like looking after babies even for his own baby. His mother said this was a lie. He had a job and school at 15, and he only changed the occasional diaper."
6."My ex said he didn’t know how to use the washing machine. Also argued that men and women have different vision and men can’t actually see what needs cleaning, and that’s why they don’t do it. "
7."Told me he’d let his cleaning lady go as soon as we went official. You know…since he now has me. I laughed in his face for several minutes. Told him to call, apologize profusely, and beg for her back. Ended it with him as he wanted a mother not a lover."
8."'I can't tell [redacted] I can't work late! It would look bad!/There was no one else who could stay late because they have kids!' Mister, you have kids, too, and it's your night to take care of the kids and dinner. You wanted an employed, outside the home wife. That means you make sacrifices (like hunting trips) to make that happen."
9."My ex-husband once told me that he couldn't be expected to throw away his candy wrappers and fast food garbage on the nightstand because the wastebasket wasn't conveniently located. He also liked to say that he couldn't do dishes because there were too many in the sink, but I couldn't get a countertop dishwasher because it would take up too much space. (Guess who did all the cooking? Not him!) Anyway, I have a countertop dishwasher and a wastebasket that never seems to be too far away, now."
10."My spouse once blamed my mother for not offering to take the baby for him so he could clean."
11."My ex wouldn’t ever start dinner even if I was working late because he needed to check what to cook with me first. He would say, ‘If I just start something, you won’t be happy because you’re picky.’ I believe this was in reference to a point in time about five years prior when I was pregnant and declined some meals due to morning sickness. I had reassured him a million times that he could start cooking anything on the meal plan (yes, I would even write out a fucking plan!!). I’d still get the ‘you’re picky’ excuse."
12."I once knew a guy who said he had done enough dishes for this lifetime. He was 25."
13."My partner is an amazing woman who would never pull this shit, but my ex-husband was the king of stupid excuses. Here are some of his greatest hits: 'I can't do dishes because my ex used to nag me about it, and every time I'm doing dishes, I just hear her voice nagging me.' 'I figured you'd want me to sleep since I worked all week.' (After sleeping until 11 a.m. on a day we were moving.) 'I can't tell which clothes go to which kid, and that's why I didn't fold the laundry and put it away.' (The kids were 6 years old and 6 months old. They didn't wear the same size.)"
14."'Well, my dad never changed a diaper, I don’t see why I should?' Yeah, and you have been in counseling for not having a good relationship with your dad, but now he’s your role model?"
15."The first Christmas we were living together, his mom was coming to stay with us. He asked what I got her? What?? I hardly know her, and she’d made it clear she doesn’t like me very much. 'But you’re so good at gift giving!!!' Yeah, for people I like!!! Christmas Eve, he’s still thinking I sorted it out, color him shocked when I said I didn't, and he had to go out 30 minutes before stores closed to get her something. 😂"
16."My industrial engineer husband couldn’t turn on the dishwasher because he ‘didn’t know how it worked.'"
17."'I just didn't notice the small details.' This coming from a man who is a very successful and competent designer and maker of circuit boards."
18."I used to make nice dinners for me and my ex. When I asked him (multiple times) to help with cleanup, he just wouldn’t. One particular time that I asked, he said, 'It’s your job to clean the pots and pans because you’re the one who made them dirty.' Never mind that they got dirty cooking a dinner that HE always greedily ate. It took me way too long to finally say, 'If you want any part of this dinner that I am about to make, then you’re going to clean this pot and that pan after. Agree now or I’m adding onions.' (He refused to eat anything with onions in it.) It worked briefly. I broke up with him not long after that for many reasons too numerous to list here."
19."'I don't know where it goes.' When asked to put some kitchen things away. You are the one who regularly uses them. What location would you go to GET it? Well, that would be where you put it back. It was a brain fart moment. I think he regretted it as he heard himself say it."
20."'Women are natural carers.' And, 'You're just better at it.' Yeah, he's my ex now."
21."My ex: 'You do it better anyway.' Especially with infant/toddler caring things like diapers. But, wow, did he pipe in if I cooked something the wrong way and he didn't like it. He'd lecture me on whether or not to put salt in boiling water for pasta. And yet, when I asked him to cook, it was too big of a chore. 'You're better at it.' Good effing riddance."
22."When arguing about the work that we each put into managing our lives and household, where I was crying about the mental load of laundry, solely shopping for groceries, solely driving around for our errands, dishes, and managing the housekeeper we'd hired because he couldn't be bothered to do the above regularly, he said, 'But I feel I'm always working hard to find us fun games to play and movies to watch and I feel you don't appreciate that.' And he was completely serious."
23."I had an ex who told me that he didn’t notice when things weren’t clean, but if I told him to clean it, then he would. I told him that no one tells me what to clean, he isn’t vision impaired, and I am not his mother."
24."My ex would say he doesn’t have to help with chores because even though we both worked 40 hours a week, I 'worked closer to home,' so therefore, I had more time and should do the majority of them."
25."'We just have different thresholds for this stuff.' 'I just don’t think of this kind of stuff like you do.' Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah."
26."My husband once said (in the early days of our marriage) that he didn't clean or do laundry or do dishes because he didn't want to mess with my systems. You can believe my response was swift and brutal, 'I only have systems because I'm the only one doing anything!'"
27."'I don’t know what towel you like to use,' when asked why he replaced his bathroom towel with a clean one and not mine. Our towels are matching. Always have been."
28."His explanation for why he was unable to take his dish to the sink was, 'My mother would NEVER host dinner and then expect everyone to put their dish in the sink when they were done!' I asked if he was referring to her hosting guests or her expectations for literal children. Of course, whenever he cooked, I was expected to do the dishes/clean up the mess because 'he cooked.' But that never seemed to apply to him."
29."'I couldn't make dinner because I went out with a friend. You wouldn't understand because I actually have a life.' Essentially anything he didn't want to do I had to do because he had more friends than I did. None of his friends last more than a couple of years, though."
30."I once asked my husband if he wanted to use a project managing/task app to help us keep track of and divvy up chores. I worked in project management so l knew lots of ways to set that up. He declined because he 'didn’t want to feel like he worked for me.' Because my having to actively project manage all our household tasks somehow doesn’t already give him that feeling. 🙄"
31."Ex never claimed ignorance or (god forbid) that I was more capable. But he’d make such a scene in actually doing anything I asked of him that it was less stressful for me to just take it all on myself."
32."Him: 'I'm out of clean [insert clothing item here]. Why didn't you do laundry?' Me: 'Why didn't you? I don't inventory your closet or dresser.' Him: 'You should have known!' Commence him doing a load, usually one outfit. He never washed any clothes but his own, and he would claim he didn't know when I needed the machine. Sundays. I always did the entire household's laundry on Sunday. We're divorced now."
33."Because he's tired/slept bad. I am NINE MONTHS PREGNANT."
34."'I worked today!' Paired perfectly with, 'It’s my day off!'"
35.Finally: "I’ll start this off by saying my husband is an equal partner. He cooks, cleans, does laundry, and looks after our child without issue 99.9% of the time. But he bears the brunt of childcare for our daughter during the summer when she’s not in camp because he has many days off during my work week. He was really burnt out back when she was 4 and tried to tell me in a fit of frustration that childcare is easier for me because women are genetically programmed to be patient with children. When I tell you I laughed in his face and told him to go fuck himself, I am not exaggerating. He later apologized and remains a great dad and husband despite this one lapse in sanity. And don’t think I ever miss an opportunity to (jokingly) tell him he’s genetically programmed to move furniture, carry the shopping bags, mow the lawn, BBQ, and maintain our cars."
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Now it's your turn. What's the lamest excuse your partner has even given for not taking on a domestic or mental chore? Tell us in the comments below or via this totally anonymous form and you might be featured in a future BuzzFeed post or video!
