15 Times Women Didn't Hold Anything Back, And Admitted How They've Lived In Shitty Marriages
Recently, Reddit user u/readitalreadydude asked the women of the Reddit community: "What do you consider a shitty marriage?"
They shared what it's like being stuck in a bad marriage, and revealed some pretty personal stories. They shed light on how complicated a union between partners can actually be (especially between a woman and a man). So, here's what they had to say:
Note: The following stories and opinions about "bad" marriages aren't universal to everyone's experience.
Warning: This post contains subjects of verbal abuse, self-harm, suicide, and physical abuse. Please proceed with caution.
1."I've been married for 38 years, and for over 20 of them, my partner and I have felt like roommates. I've made every justification imaginable for why we stay together, but to be honest, it should have ended shortly after our son was born. Love for each other is never the problem, but the lack of intimacy, sex, and compassion for each other is a nightmare to deal with. We just had a conversation recently and realized we both feel the same way and have for a long time, so I would say to everyone else if you think it's wrong, then end it and move on."
2."I was in a shitty marriage. We had zero intimacy, no love, no household sharing, never went to bed at the same time, and never wanted to do anything together. We were basically just housemates by the end of it. There was so much sourness because he never did anything to help out in any possible way."
3."I was with a guy who was very charming and appeared to be everything I wanted in a partner. I was with him for over a decade, but once he left, I realized he controlled EVERYTHING in my life with manipulation. Gaslighting, tearing me down in the guise of jokes, withholding sex and shaming me for ever wanting it, and guilting me out of handling our finances."
"He left me for my best friend at my lowest point (he'll never admit to an affair, but they've been married for years now). I was depressed for years and didn't realize it, but I surrounded myself with good people, reconnected with my family, and worked on my self-esteem.
Now, my life is better than it's ever been — I still have self-esteem and confidence issues, but I knock them away when they come to mind. I'm a hell of a lot better than I was with him."
4."My parents are in a bad marriage. My mom pockets all of the money between the two, and my dad complains, complains, and complains about it, yet never does anything about it. They've been together for 30 years, but continue to only grow more toxic — luckily, I'm an adult now and don't have to go through that trauma as much as I did when I was younger."
"I went to lunch with them a few months ago, and they got into a heated argument in the car to the point where my mom was crying hysterically, and basically told my dad to fuck off and die. A few hours later, they were talking as if nothing happened — no one even apologized (as usual).
A shitty marriage is your kids growing up in an environment where they have to witness it, deal with it, and compartmentalize it."
5."I'm currently in a bad marriage, and we're about to get divorced. It's a shitty marriage when only one partner does all of the housework, the childcare, and the mental load. It's bad when you ask for help with JUST the dishes and laundry, and your partner responds with: 'You make less money, so you deserve to do more.' It's a shitty marriage when they threaten to harm themselves every time you bring up wanting to discuss something about the relationship dynamic. After nearly 13 years of this bullshit, I'm done."
6."So far, three of my friends are either already divorced or are currently in the middle of getting divorced (one couple without kids and two couples with kids). Two of my other friends are in unhappy, crumbling marriages with kids, so we'll see how it goes. Meanwhile, my husband and I are happily married, and always enjoy spending time together. Never settle, ladies! From what I've seen, it either ends in divorce, or the couples stay married, miserable, and resent each other."
7."As people often say, marriage takes work, but the payoff is huge for the amount you have to invest most of the time. I spent years saying exactly what I wanted and needed, and not receiving it. I never told him not to get me a gift when I actually wanted one, I communicated things clearly, and I told him I'd want flowers sometimes. He wouldn't shower me with them until he felt threatened by another man because 'flowers are stupid' and 'you can buy your own flowers.' The former is subjective, and the latter is true, but not the point. He couldn't make the simplest of romantic gestures to make me happy."
"He couldn't bend his viewpoint to recognize that not everyone had the exact same priorities or values, and that couples have to find compromises. That was not our only problem — I just think the flowers are pretty emblematic of what our relationship became.
It's amazing how many men stop trying completely after the 'wooing' stage is over. You can wind up trapped because you developed love for someone who just doesn't want to work on the relationship at all."
8."We're divorced now, and it's pretty much for this reason: His deployment was coming to an end, and I was making arrangements to travel where he would be for his shore leave. He suggested we have a platonic relationship that week (we were married for 6 years at that point, and were high school sweethearts). We even planned to start a family — so, yeah. That was a shitty marriage."
9."My ex-husband was not interested in spending time with me and our daughter. He blamed me for our financial situation when I never spent a dime. He always wanted to be with his cop buddies, and we either had bad sex or no sex at all. Reading that back, I'm so glad I'm divorced."
10."My parents didn't speak to each other for a decade unless absolutely necessary. It wasn't an angry silence — they just didn't seem to have anything to say to each other. The eventual divorce was messy, but ultimately a very good thing. It was a pretty shitty marriage."
11."My ex-husband and I had no intimacy, no passion, and hardly a friendship. I was the sole caretaker of our children while he played video games all day. We both worked full-time, but I was the only one who cooked or cleaned. I was very tired and worn out, asked him for help multiple times, and it always just led to a fight, and I always gave in. He put no effort into spending time with me, which I also asked for multiple times, and nothing ever changed. He always put his friends and family ahead of me, even on important dates. We eloped, and the night of our wedding, he didn’t even spend it with me."
"He slowly separated me from all my friends and my hobbies — he was very controlling and toxic, and I didn't see it until he was gone (he also threatened suicide multiple times whenever I even implied I wanted to leave). So, I felt stuck.
Toward the end, we had no sex life, and I wasn't attracted to him — my cup wasn't being filled, so why should I fill his? This only angered him, and he ended up having an affair, finally ending our marriage. I was with him for eight dreadful years — once it was over and the more I thought about it, I don't know what I saw in him in the first place."
12."I was in a very short-lived marriage. We were best friends beforehand — he had a really good heart and showered me with gifts, but I didn't want material items. I wanted someone who'd stick to his word, and not someone who gave me empty promises. I wanted someone who'd help me clean our house, save up for a house and some land instead of blowing it on merchandise and going to bars."
"I wasn't perfect by any means, but damn it, I tried. I went to therapy, I took my meds, I begged for more stability, and he was surprised when I asked for a divorce."
13."My dad has/is cheating on my mom. She works full-time and is still expected to do all of the cooking and cleaning (my siblings and I help, but now, my brother and I have jobs). My dad says he 'doesn't cook or clean' because 'why else do I have a wife and kids?' He belittles her constantly, and she writes it off as a joke — he never actually listens to what anyone says, but then gets mad that he's 'kept out of the loop.' I could go on, but I'll stop there — if I ever get married, I essentially need a partner the opposite of my dad."
14."My marriage is the definition of a shitty marriage: There's physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse, gaslighting, mindless spending, cluttering up the house — he just does not care. I've been trying to leave him for a long time, but that's a whole different story."
15.And finally: "He expects me to bend backwards and put a down payment on a house for him to pay off because he has a good government job. I work, but due to our children and childcare hours, I can't work much except weekends when my own mother watches our kids while he works. He only pays for his own stuff, while I pay for everything, like the kids and the dog's food and vet bills. The relationship is dead silent, and he can't even compliment me at all. There hasn't been any kissing or hugging for years now, but I have zero energy to even look for another guy after this is all done — it's not worth it."
Note: Some stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.
