For Some Women, Finalizing Their Divorce Means Throwing an Actual Party

Alissa Giangiulio, who makes a living planning weddings as the owner of New Jersey–based events firm Kiss of Bliss, decided she was in need of her own bash three years ago. She sent out formal invitations, hired a mixologist, and a DJ, and invited 100 of her closest friends and family to her home. The cause for celebration? Her divorce being finalized.

It was a party for the ages, complete with a photo booth, belly dancers, a paintball gun guests used to take shots at Giangiulio’s wedding gown, and inspirational quotes from various women splashed across the walls including Audrey Hepburn’s assertion that “I believe tomorrow is another day.”

Giangiulio, 42, admits she was apprehensive about throwing a party to memorialize something as stereotypically bleak as a divorce—and so were her parents, who she says have been “together forever” and didn’t understand why she would do such a thing—but it ended up becoming a turning point for the way she thought about recovery from such a major life event. “Divorce is kind of like a death, but I turned it into a celebration,” Giangiulio says. “No one talked about the divorce [at the party]. It wasn’t the elephant in the room; it was just about me and my guests having a great time…. I got a lot of clarity that this was the right thing for me to do.”

While weddings remain the bulk of her business, Giangiulio says she’s gone on to plan a few breakup celebrations for others. “To plan a great wedding you have to be able to get into the bride’s shoes, and I think the same goes for divorce parties," she says.

The act of spending money to commemorate a marital split isn’t brand-new, but it’s typically been reserved for the famously eccentric (model Karen Elson and rocker Jack White had a much-publicized divorce party back in 2011) or the famously fame-hungry (divorce parties have been a thing among the Real Housewives set for years), but the trend is clearly picking up steam. People now post photos on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter, using the #divorceparty hashtag. Head over to Pinterest, and inspiration for celebratory divorce decor and cakes abound. The Divorce Party, a rom-com starring 30 Rock’s Katrina Bowden about a millennial who plans a wedding-caliber bash to get his life back on track after being dumped by his wife, is set for release early next year.

Much has been made of the fact that the U.S. divorce rate has dropped 18 percent from 2008 to 2016, largely thanks to millennials, but there’s no hard data that specifically clocks how many people are throwing parties to commemorate them. For party planners though, business is swift, according to Christine Gallagher, who’s been planning these types of events since 2013. It was a business she stumbled into after organizing a bash for a friend who got jilted by her fiancé in 2003. “I’d read about a breakup party in an advice column and decided it could be a fun way to let her know that she was loved and supported," she told Glamour.

The success of that event led Gallagher to write The Divorce Party Handbook and to ultimately open up her own party-planning business in Los Angeles that specifically deals in celebrating successful splits. “All of our big life transitions—birth, marriage, death—have a ceremony or ritual. Until recently, there’s been nothing for divorce. But it’s the time when people need community the most,” she says.

Gallagher's services are so in demand today she says she can take on only one or two clients a month, with her events ranging in price anywhere from $5,000 to $20,000 and customized based on individual breakup stories.

“I meet with the person and hear what’s happened to him or her, and try to come up with a party that plays to the theme, and turns the breakup on its head,” she says.

Take, for instance, one of Gallagher’s clients who learned her husband was cheating after she discovered a set of unused golf clubs, which were meant to be his alibi. After hearing her story, Gallagher decided to play up the golf theme. “Guests came in golf gear, we hired an instructor and swung at balls with the husband’s name on them and roasted food on golf clubs. We turned this horrendous thing into something for her to laugh about that night.”

Another client had her husband leave her. He’d kept a trophy he’d won in their home while they were married, which is what ultimately served as Gallagher’s inspiration for her divorce party. “She took the trophy and burned it at the party. It was very primitive.”

Despite high emotions—and the fact that the all-in-good-fun vibe can turn less celebratory after the lights go on—Gallagher says she does her best to keep the events positive. “I try to make sure these don’t get completely out of control,” she says. “I read about people going to rage rooms and throwing axes and getting carried away. I want to make my parties about moving on.”

While 90 percent of the events Gallagher plans are for women she says, she has planned divorce parties for straight men and gay couples too.

Nicole Niesner, based in Saskatchewan, didn’t expect her divorce party to become a viral sensation after photos of her celebrating with a group of friends—by wearing their wedding gowns and drinking wine—spread far and wide across the Internet.

Despite her unexpected Internet fame, Niesner says her divorce party was just a great night. “We all helped each other get dressed, danced around, took some pictures, and reminisced about our weddings, children, families and friends,” Niesner shares. “We ate, drank wine, and laughed so hard we cried."

Niesner says the event, which her friends planned, helped her close a chapter and move on. “The party wasn’t about celebrating my divorce; it was about friendship,” she says.

For New York City–based Shermain Jeremy, it was exactly that idea of celebrating her female friendships that led her to plan her own divorce party this summer.

“I was in a challenging marriage for five years. I went through so much, and so much happened, so it was as much a celebration for me as it was about honoring the women in my life who were supportive of me during a really difficult time,” she says.

Jeremy planned a sit-down dinner for 10 friends at a New York City restaurant, ordered custom cupcakes with phrases like “Who needs a man when you have a martini?” emblazoned on the top, and wore a sash with matching sunglasses with “Just Divorced” printed on them.

“I’m a single mom," Jeremy says. "I don’t get to socialize as much as I would when I was younger, and it was this rare moment to get together, to talk about our lives, our families, and our careers.”

Jeremy, who writes the blog 4MomsLikeMe, ultimately decided to write about her divorce party experience in a post so her readers could learn about this chapter in her life.

“I’m West Indian, and it’s very taboo to talk about divorce [in that culture],” she says. “You're supposed to sweep it under the rug…. Most people don’t expect someone to celebrate a divorce, but I couldn’t wait to be divorced. I just wanted to be unattached and put this ordeal behind me. That’s why the party meant so much to me— because I’m ready to be happy again.”