"If You Have To Choose Between Me And The Baby, Save Me" — This Mom's Plea To Her Husband Sheds A Light On The Realities Of Childbirth In America
TikTok user Anabel Morales recently shared a video stating that she would want her husband to pick her over their baby to save if complications arose during childbirth.
In the TikTok, which has over 6 million views, she states that the reason is because she doesn't want her current son to grow up without a mom and she doesn't want her husband to have to raise two babies while also grieving her death.
@anabelmoralezz 😩😩 #trending #viral #pickme #husbandwife #laboranddelivery #savethemoms #foryou #foryoupage #fy #fyp #momsoftiktok
♬ original sound - Yahritza
Immediately, the comments filled with people sharing the importance of this statement.
Partners have said they couldn't do life — much less parent another human — without their S.O.
Some feel so strongly about it that they don't believe your partner is meant for you if they don't choose you.
Moms who already have children tried to help people realize how hard it would be for their current kid(s) to grow up without a mom.
Even moms themselves have had their eyes opened.
And the comments truly made some people think differently about the situation.
BuzzFeed spoke to Anabel, who said that since she and her husband have been trying for another baby — they currently have one — she started to think about the scenario. "Because I have a baby now, this is the way I think," she said.
And even though Anabel does not think doctors should be discussing death during pregnancy with people who aren't high-risk to avoid fear-mongering, she does think potential parents should talk about it. "It’s better to discuss so if it ever does happen, you know what to decide," she said.
BuzzFeed also spoke with Mary Jane Minkin, MD, who is a clinical professor of obstetrics, gynecology, and reproductive sciences at Yale School of Medicine. Minkin said that, fortunately, this situation is very rare.
"I've delivered thousands of babies and I've never had this question come up. Nobody ever said to me, 'If this scenario happens...' For today's average pregnant person, this wouldn't be something that a doctor would bring up in a typical exam unless you were possibly high-risk," she said.
That being said, there have been situations recently when they had to make that choice. Like when Yale had its first case of severe COVID in a pregnant person in March 2020. "The woman had severe preeclampsia toxemia (high blood pressure during pregnancy that can cause damage to organs) as a result of COVID and was going to die, basically. The healthcare team and the mother decided that they would terminate the pregnancy to save the woman's life," Minkin said.
Since this occurrence, scientists have been studying the impact of COVID-19 during pregnancy. You can read more about it here.
*Note: Preeclampsia toxemia in pregnancy may be used interchangeably, separately, or together, but they mean the same thing.
Preeclampsia toxemia is a leading cause of complications during pregnancy, according to Minkin. Luckily, doctors are able to identify it early enough so the condition can be managed until the person gives birth.
"Sometimes, people who have it will deliver early, but it is typically not life-threatening. The vast majority of those cases are when a baby is viable, meaning they're at a point where you can survive outside of the womb."
Nevertheless, in a Post-Roe world, death is, unfortunately, more of a reality in states that have rolled back reproductive rights. In fact, maternal mortality* rates in the US are currently over three times higher than most other high-income countries.
In 2020, the average US maternal mortality rate was 24 deaths per 100,000 live births. However, Black women in the US experienced 55.3 deaths per 100,000 live births in the US. That is nearly triple the rate for white women in the US, who have a mortality rate of 19.1 deaths per 100,000 live births.
*The World Health Organization defines maternal mortality as the death of a woman while pregnant or within 42 days of termination of pregnancy, irrespective of the duration and site of the pregnancy, from any cause related to or aggravated by the pregnancy or its management, but not from accidental or incidental causes."
In conclusion, it is very practical to have this conversation with your partner if you ever plan on birthing children, just like you would any other emergency situation.
