"That's How The Ick Grows" — This Woman's Advice For Men On Why Their Girlfriends Actually Break Up With Them Has Thousands Of Women Feeling Both Seen And Heard

Jennifer Reardon is a 27-year-old public relations manager from Chicago, Illinois, who recently went super viral on TikTok for sharing her theory on why so many women "dump" their boyfriends seemingly out of the blue.

The thing is, it's not actually out of the blue. In her video, Jennifer lays it all out and says, "If you are a boy who has ever been dumped by your girlfriend for seemingly no apparent reason, and you're looking for answers, this is what happened."

She then launches into her theory, which she calls "breakup-ology." She even draws out a handy diagram! "This is you guys," she continues, "you guys are in a happy relationship, and now all of a sudden you have a simple, fixable problem." Jennifer uses "no good morning texts" as an example for the "fixable problem" in the hypothetical relationship.

So, the girlfriend comes to the boyfriend and says that she would like him to start sending her good morning texts, because it would mean a lot to her. And the boyfriend agrees. "But, for whatever reason, something happened, and you stop giving her good morning texts, so now we have a bigger problem. She now thinks that you don't care enough about her to send her good morning texts, even though she asked," Jennifer says.

Since the good morning texts are still a relatively small problem, the girlfriend reminds the boyfriend to send her good morning texts. He agrees to start doing it again, but then doesn't follow through once more. And Jennifer says, "Now we have confirmed that you don't care enough to text her good morning even though this is a simple, fixable problem. This is now a big problem."

She continues, "So, now, your girlfriend, who has never picked fights before in her life, starts picking a bunch of little fights about all these different things because she believes that you do not care enough. Through all these picking fights with you, though, she still loves you and likes you enough to want to be with you, even though you guys have all these little problems now."

"Until one day, these become unattractive to her. She's gonna realize that all these little things that you do, that remind her that you don't care about her enough, are unattractive. And so now, the problem is not these things, it's not even that you don't care enough, it's not even that she never got good morning texts, it's that she literally does not like you anymore."

This is where the breakup happens. "And you're gonna ask her why," Jennifer continues. And after the girlfriend lists her reasons, "[the boyfriend] is going to say, 'No, you should not break up with me...because from now on, I am going to do all of these things, and you will never have to worry about me never doing these things ever again, because I'm gonna do them every single day."

But none of that matters, because "the problem now, is that she is not attracted to you and just simply does not like you anymore. And now, she's gonna go on with her life, and you're gonna go and tell your friends that you got 'dumped' for absolutely no reason, and that you guys all hate her, and that she's 'crazy' for dumping you over something so simple."

"When in reality, she never dumped you at all," Jennifer says. "This was a slow-moving process that eventually led to the final reason, and you weren't dumped. You probably actively chose not to give her what she said she needed, and now you guys aren't together anymore. Sorry."

Jennifer's video has been viewed over 12 million times and has thousands of comments. "The response has been insane," she told BuzzFeed. "I have received multiple DMs on Instagram, and even emails, from people thanking me for making them understand their breakup better. I've also received messages from women saying they've shared the information with their significant others, etc."

A lot (and I mean A LOT) of people have also commented on how Jennifer is pointing out "the ick" and how it can grow in relationships.

If you didn't know, the ick refers to when you're suddenly and completely put off by someone you like or someone you're dating.

"My friends talk about this topic all the time — that women tend to experience the breakup far before it actually happens, and that it's the little things that end up becoming the big things," Jennifer told BuzzFeed. "From what I have seen, many breakups come as a complete 'shock' to the man, yet the woman has been expressing her concerns and has been offering solutions to fix the solution repeatedly. By the time the man listens or is willing to act, it's too late. I've seen it play out countless times."

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Jennifer explained that she thinks this is a pervasive issue in relationships, based on "the thousands of comments from women confirming why so many breakups happen." She continued, "We all want to feel seen and understood in a relationship. When one person repeatedly has to bring up the same issue and has a lack of follow-up action from their partner, it causes the other to not feel seen or understood and may make them question or reconsider their compatibility with their partner."

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When asked what she thinks this says about how men and women communicate in relationships, she responded, "Generally speaking (emphasis on general), it seems that women may put more weight on the 'little' things that men may not understand are actually the big things for us. Referencing the example: To many women, a simple good morning text could make our entire day because it's a nice reminder that our partner is thinking of us and cares about us. To (some) men, they may not view it as a big deal and therefore don't do it."

"But for the partner who does find great meaning in the good morning text, it can be devastating to not receive one, especially if you've communicated that it's a big deal to you and have had the expectation set that you will receive them."

Although many of the comments about Jennifer's theory have been confirming and positive, there are some (mostly men) who have commented that having to ask your partner to do something thoughtful makes the act less meaningful. To that, Jennifer had this to say: "You need to change your mindset. Your partner cannot read your mind nor can you read theirs. Communication and problem solving are everything. In fact, I would challenge people to find it even more meaningful if your partner is receptive and acts on something that you've communicated to them. It shows they have done their best to understand you, even though originally it didn't come naturally to them."

When asked what she thinks needs to happen in order to save more relationships from the dreaded breakup, Jennifer responded, "Listening, showing basic empathy and understanding, following through on your word, and setting realistic expectations are my top recommendations."

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She concluded, "I know all of this seems gender-specific, but it's not. This applies to anyone. My advice is coming from my own experience and things I've witnessed, so as a woman who only has experience in relationships with men, of course my content is coming from that lens. But none of this is gender-specific. We women can do our part to understand and appreciate our partners better too. It's not a competition, it's supposed to be teamwork — and it's up to individual couples to figure out what works best for them, regardless of gender and any other factors."

Well said! To learn more about Jennifer's "breakup-ology" theory or see more of her content, you can follow her on TikTok and Instagram.