This Woman Wants To Know If She's Wrong For Telling Her Fiancé's Family That He's Been Unemployed For The Last Four Months, And The Answer Is An Emphatic "No"
Work and money can get pretty complicated when it comes to relationships — especially when two people come from different socioeconomic classes.
CBC
Exhibit A: This situation between Reddit user u/aintsayinhea32 (or OP; for Original Poster) and her fiancé. OP recently asked the Am I The Asshole subreddit if she's wrong for telling her fiancé's family that he's been unemployed the last few months.
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Let's get into it. Here are all the details, according to OP:
"My fiancé comes from a well-off family, I come from a working-class family. My fiancé's family is nice, but they can't help throwing comments at me about how I 'might be' a 'gold digger.' For example, if he buys me something they'll go, 'Oh, Jason bought you that? You know what this looks like, right?' Or, 'Wait, Jason paid for this? Only gold diggers make their partners pay for stuff all the time, just saying.' It's so demeaning and my fiancé does nothing to stop it."
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To make matters worse, OP's fiancé recently lost his job and has been keeping it a secret from his family for the past four months. As a result, OP has been supporting him and paying for everything.
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Fast forward to the last week: "His parents invited us for dinner and he insisted that we go, so we went. At the dinner table, his mom grabbed my hand (literally while I was eating) and looked at my bracelet and went, 'Oh, this bracelet looks really nice, did Jason pay for it?' I nodded and reminded her that he bought it for me as a birthday gift last year. She was like, 'Hmmmm, wonder how much it costs.' She then leaned back and said, 'You know, I remember when my brother was dating this gold digger woman...she'd receive expensive stuff like this bracelet here for her birthdays.' I was stunned."
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"I cut her off and asked if she meant to say that I was a gold digger. She threw up her hands and went, 'I mean...if the shoe fits,' while laughing awkwardly. Silence took over. I looked at my fiancé, and he shook his head at me. I snapped! I told her it was bold of her to imply that I was a gold digger when I'm literally providing for her unemployed son, and have been for four months now."
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"They all looked shocked. She glanced at me in shock, his dad asked if it was true, and my fiancé just froze but looked so angry. An argument ensued and dinner was cut short, and we had to leave after they started berating him."
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This is where OP's fiancé really started to show himself: "He had a rage fit in the car, just yelling and lashing at me. In my defense, I said that he sat by and let his mom continually imply that I was a gold digger but he said that they never outright called me a gold digger, so it was all in my head."
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OP went on, "He said I still had no right to take advantage of his 'unfortunate circumstance' to get back at his mom and expose him to the family. His parents went on about how disappointed they were and now, as a result, he got disinvited from Thanksgiving. He blew up at me because of it this morning, and kept saying I screwed him over so badly when he was just an innocent bystander."
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There was LOTS of chatter in the comment section of the thread, and pretty much everyone was on OP's side. Some even suggested that OP call off the wedding based on her fiancé's behavior.
"I think you should un-invite your fiancé from your wedding. He doesn’t have your back, he’s willing to lie to his family for months to protect his reputation (he’s going to be willing to lie to you, too) and this won’t be the last time he blames you for the faults and actions of himself and others."
"Don't walk down that aisle! He's more than willing to have you be the bad guy and not once has he tried to fix their perspective of you. Instead, he keeps it that way because it makes him seem better than you. If you have a baby with him, guess what? You're the gold digger and that baby trapped him. Do you really want to listen to that?"
Others had plenty to say about the family as a whole:
"Had I heard any indication of this chatter from my partner’s family, I’d hightail it out of there. Not quite sure how this partner became a fiancé…I don’t think the dude has any redeeming qualities if his family is this presumptuous and snooty, and he does nothing to correct it."
"Hard to see them as nice when I cannot imagine ever even implying that a person I’m speaking with — let alone someone who’s engaged to my child —might be a gold digger. (I don’t use that term, but I’ve always assumed it was a 'behind the back' kind of insult anyway.) Maybe that’s nicer than outright saying, 'We don’t approve of your relationship with our son, you’re beneath him,' but only barely."
However, some actually empathized with OP's fiancé a little, considering how his family reacted when they found out he lost his job:
"In a twisted way, I feel bad for the guy. Imagine having parents so judgmental that losing a job earns being disinvited from family holidays and being berated. Still, that doesn’t mean it’s okay for him to treat OP that way or stand by as his family makes messed-up comments. He has someone who cares and helps him, and he’s still so worried over the judgment of his family."
Personally, I'm 100% on OP's side here. But what do you think? Was OP right to expose her fiancé and shut down his family's comments? Or, should she have continued to keep his unemployment a secret? Give us your take in the comments.
And for more drama-filled stories — like the woman who asked to switch tables in a restaurant to get away from a crying baby — click here.
Note: Responses have been edited for length/clarity.
