A distressed woman says she dropped out of her “best friend’s” wedding party after the bride-to-be referred to her worsening health as a “curveball” that might disrupt the big day.
The former bridesmaid, a 23-year-old woman who refers to her condition as “progressive…like MS but slower,” said in a post on Reddit’s “Am I The Asshole?” forum that she has been best friends with the bride-to-be for seven years.
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However, when her friend first got engaged, she apparently asked her coworker, who she knew “for less than a year,” to serve as her maid of honor instead, due to her disability.
“I was hurt but I brushed it off,” the young woman wrote. “Then when it came to asking me to be a bridesmaid, she commented that I had to wear heels and walk down the aisle and stand for pictures unaided. I was hurt because she knew about my condition and my needs and completely overlooked them. We argued but made up.”
As the woman’s condition progressed, however, her healthcare team suggested she begin using a wheelchair to aid in her mobility — a decision she also wanted for herself, and one that apparently didn’t sit well with the bride.
“I’ve been going back and forth with it for a while,” she explained. “I want my independence back. No pain, no anxiety over walking with my condition. I decided it would be for the best. So I told (the bride.) She was instantly off to me. Stating how would I go in the car to the wedding, carry a bouquet, get into the building? etc… I gave solutions to those things.”
“She then ignored my wheelchair. Saying I will walk down the aisle and stand for pictures, right?” she continued. “When I said no, I don’t feel comfortable or fully able to do so; I got back a message saying ‘So you’re rolling down the aisle on MY wedding day.’ Patronizing me and making me feel like crap. It’s a curveball she has to make work for her and her groom.”
After a heated exchange in which the bride presumptuously said her friend could “use (her) legs” and “manage fine” on the big day, the former bridesmaid decided to distance herself from the wedding party entirely.
“I finally got upset and said if that’s how she feels, I’m not coming,” the woman wrote on Reddit. “Treating me like a thing to stand in and smile for her day. Putting everything else aside. My health and well-being.”
“Like it’s that easy. Like my disability is able to turn off and on,” she added. “I can’t believe after seven years of friendship, she’s put her one special day over a supposed ‘friend’ and her health. Like she’s ashamed of anyone to see me in a wheelchair. It will ruin her memories of the day. I will ruin it just by disabled. Unlovable. Unworthy. Ugly. Someone that has no business being at a beautiful event because I’m disabled.”
Hundreds of commenters rushed to the woman’s defense, assuring her she was not the one in the wrong.
“Your ‘friend’ is a monster who is prioritizing faux wedding-complex appearances over real relationships,” one wrote. “She’s telling you all the support and friendship you’ve shared with her over the years aren’t as important as the latest trend on Pinterest.”
“The fact that your ‘friend’ treated you the way she did is absolutely horrific,” said another. “The flippancy she treated your disability and the lack of respect to you as a person, not to mention the prioritization of one day over your well-being, I think speaks to her character, and it’s not pretty. Sorry you’re going through this. You’re not in the wrong.”
“My friend, throw the whole bride out,” chimed a third. “She’s rancid, rotten and all she’s going to do is poison you.”
One soon-to-be bridesmaid even shared her own experience in order to set the record straight on how brides can better serve their friends with disabilities.
“I have MS and I’m going to be a bridesmaid soon,” the woman wrote. “Fortunately I’m still able to walk, but not without a cane and frequent rests. The bride came to me and said that she would provide whatever I needed for her wedding. She said she’s put out a chair during the ceremony or anything I requested. Because to her it’s more important that I’m there and that I’m comfortable. That’s what real friends do.”
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