This Woman Didn’t Want To Be In Her Wedding Pics After Having Surgery On Her Nose, And The Internet Wasn’t Having Any Of It
Recently, I've been thinking a lot about Western beauty standards and the harmful way it leaves many feeling insecure about their natural body.
Earlier this year, Bella Hadid told Vogue that she wished she didn't get a nose job when she was 14 years old. “I wish I had kept the nose of my ancestors,” the Palestinian model shared.
So, when I was combing through the Am I The Asshole? subreddit and saw a post that fits this point to a tee, I was infuriated and shocked.
Darren Star Productions / Via giphy.com
In case you aren't familiar with the subreddit, it's basically where people can post about their interpersonal conflicts, and then others can weigh in on who the "asshole" was in the given situation.
Basically, this woman's POS fiancé was making all kinds of comments about her nose, which ultimately led to her getting rhinoplasty. Now, she doesn't want to be in her wedding pics because she doesn't feel like herself, and the fiance is calling her "selfish."
Darren Star Productions / Via giphy.com
Here's the full story, as told by the woman, u/ThrowRA_nopicspls:
"My fiancé's family never held back on jabs about my nose. My fiancé said he knew they really loved me the moment they started with the jokes, they're the kind of family that loves to make fun of each other."
"My grandparents used to make comments about my nose that were kind of shitty, especially because my dad is Jewish (although I've never known him) and I got the nose from him. In general I've tried to not be sensitive about it because they don't like sensitive people, although my history with it and knowing my nose came from my dad who I don't know made it a bit harder for me."
"My fiancé made this comment once which was supposed to be joking/sweet where he basically said he was so lucky for my nose because it was the only way he had a chance with me. That comment stayed in my head since the idea is that I'd actually be beautiful if it wasn't for my nose. I've had really bad self-esteem and would go in and out of believing I'm ugly."
"I started thinking about having a nose job. After we got engaged, I realized if I was going to do it, I should do it before the wedding. He was really supportive of the idea and excited for it. He made some comments about being glad I was losing 'the beak,' something he'd never expressed before I suggested it, which confirmed to me that I needed it."
So, she underwent surgery to change it: "My fiancé loves my new nose. I hate it so much. I feel like I'm staring at someone else's face, I look like any other woman in the world besides myself. I've always struggled with depression, and I was finally in a good place before this. Now I can barely get myself to leave my room for work."
"My fiancé is really frustrated with me, he thinks I 'objectively' look better and I need to get used to it. I know I'll have to but I've been wearing a medical mask in the house because I can't stand to look at my face."
"He says this is me sulking like a toddler, but I can't control how I feel. He asked what I was going to do for our wedding and I told him that I don't want to be in any pictures. He freaked out saying my selfishness was going to get in the way of us having a happy wedding."
"I didn't want to let this hurt him, so I tried to come up with options like wearing my veil covering my face in the pictures, incorporating a scarf into the outfit, wearing my mask, etc., and he said if I do any of that we might as well not get married at all. That hurt a lot."
"I can't stand to see myself in pictures like this and having everybody see my nose the whole day would make this even worse for me...I'm already going to be blaming myself for the fact that I won't have MY nose in pictures. I feel like I'm ruining the day for him but what he wants will ruin it for me. AITA?"
Y'all, this fiancé needs to go to the landfill with the rest of the trash.
FOX TV / Via giphy.com
Other redditors definitely didn't approve, either.
One person who goes by u/Glittering-Eagle-654 had the most popular comment, with more than 27,300 upvotes.
"Honey, no. As a woman with Jewish heritage myself, there was nothing wrong with your nose," they said.
"However, there is something wrong with the man who is supposed to be the love of your life insulting— and allowing his family to insult — the literal face you were born with. You don't need to know your father to realize that people who make fun of certain ethnic features are racist. His insults are borderline antisemitic. And no, I'm not exaggerating."
Another person who goes by u/mykneescrack concurred and stepped in to correct the previous user's comments.
"The comments aren’t 'borderline' antisemitic, they are antisemitic."
Someone else who goes by u/Zoenne concurred and offered a very good point.
"Consider this: how would you feel OP if you have children and they inherit your/ your father's nose? How do you think your partner and his family will treat those children?" they said.
And finally, someone who goes by u/Glitter_Voldemort encouraged the woman to take action.
"OP, this is way above Reddit’s pay grade. You’re engaged to be married to a man who, along with his family, has needlessly bullied you about your appearance to the point that you had plastic surgery to try to 'fix' yourself. Not only do you regret the surgery now, but it — along with the bullying you’ve experienced — has destroyed your mental health."
"For all intents of this being a judgment sub, NTA, but you haven’t been very kind to yourself either and you will be TA if you don’t remember who the hell you are and put a stop to your fiancé and his family’s BS."
The woman, u/ThrowRA_nopicspls, responded to everyone shortly after the thread was posted.
"Thank you so much to everyone who's given a judgement and advice...everyone has been so kind to me at my lowest right now," they said.
"I really need to get back into therapy. I'm trying to look into getting another nose job to reverse this but I don't know if any plastic surgeon would be willing/able to give me 'the beak' back, and I'm terrified of getting surgery again. I just want to feel comfortable in my skin again. As much as I know logically I should be able to get used to this over time, I really don't feel I can. Everybody is suggesting we should postpone the wedding, and I think that makes a lot of sense. I don't know how my fiancé is going to feel about that. I love him but a lot of these comments are making me think more deeply into how he treats me. He's this very sweet guy normally. Introverted, very smart, always there when I need him, etc. but he's not being that guy right now."
