Why you might feel like all of your online matches are unattractive, and what to do about it
Whether it’s the tedious task of crafting a profile that is equal parts witty and endearing or the fear — and possibility — that you’ll get ghosted even after you’ve hit it off, dating in the digital age is no easy feat.
TikTok creator Cecelia Fales (@lilcecesworld) has brought up yet another issue that’s affecting the online dating world. In a recent video, she spoke about feeling as if all of her online matches are unattractive, and how that has negatively impacted her self-esteem.
“Once a week I’ll go and see who liked my Hinge photos or maybe commented and see if there’s any potential, and it always just makes me sad,” she says in a video dated Sept. 9. “For the most part, I consider myself a fairly attractive person … but when I see the guys who are liking my photo, I’m like, ‘What do I look like that these guys think we would ever match or be compatible?'”
Fales feels as if she’s attracting only unattractive men on Hinge.
“If all these men are unattractive on Hinge who like me, if I’m attracting unattractive men, am I unattractive?” she asks. “I know I’m not the only girl who feels this way. And for the girlies who are in a relationship with an attractive man … where did you find him?”
Andra B (@hopeyoufindyourdad), another TikTok creator, has since entered the chat. On Sept. 22, she posted a video in support of Fales’s.
“Let’s talk about how Hinge is literally the worst dating app on the market right now,” she says. “My friends and I have noticed that we get more ‘roses’ and paid matches on that app than any other app. So it just doesn’t add up. Why would people be more willing to pay for us to be matched there, instead of free?”
Andra then claims that Hinge keeps “the most attractive members” behind what she’s described as the “paid rose wall.”
“That means that Hinge is keeping you hidden behind this rose wall as well, and they’re forcing people to have to pay to match with you,” she continues. “Hinge does not care about finding your soulmate or someone to go out with. They just care about taking your money and also keeping the attractive people locked away and trapped on their app as long as possible.”
Adds Andra, “If anything, Hinge is just deterring all the attractive people from using their app; we just haven’t all figured it out yet.”
Sabrina Zohar (@sabrina.zohar), a dating coach and host of the Do the Work podcast, provided insight into how apps like Hinge may exacerbate dating fatigue. While Fales and Andra claim that Hinge is hiding their attractive prospects, Zohar argues that maybe standards are being set too high.
“Dating platforms are providing too much choice and people [are] becoming inundated by paralysis analysis based on options,” she told In The Know by Yahoo via email. “Will every single match be a 10 who looks like Ryan Reynolds? Doubtful. Stop focusing so heavily on their height or how “hot” they are, ample people don’t photograph as well and just because they’re a babe doesn’t mean they always will be or that their insides match the outside and offer depth to their character.”
Keep in mind that a “scarcity mindset” can influence your dating decisions, Zohar added.
“If you’re not attracted to ANY of your matches we need to assess how high your standards are and if keeping them that high is a subconscious attempt at not letting people in or showing vulnerability etc,” she continued. “If you do finally meet someone who’s attractive and you have a date, GO SLOW. Scarcity mindset is only going to keep you enamored at the idea of them and overlook red flags that could very well be present.”
In The Know reached out to a Hinge spokesperson for comment and received the following response:
“Hinge is designed with only one goal for our community — to help them get off the app and out on great dates.
We want you to meet the people you’re most likely to have a great first date with. Our algorithm specifically introduces you to potential dates who meet your preferences (like distance, family plans, and more) and whose preferences you meet.
Additionally, daters have a feed known as Standouts that refreshes daily to feature a curated list of people who fit your preferences. To show someone in Standouts that you’re interested, you’ll send a Rose, which is twice as likely to lead to a date. Every Sunday, all Hinge daters receive one free Rose.”
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