Whoopi Goldberg Proves Once Again Why You Never Ask Someone If They Are Pregnant

Unfortunately, I know from personal experience.

Fact checked by Sarah Scott

The oftentimes controversial co-host of The View, Whoopi Goldberg put her foot in her mouth yet again when she randomly asked Alyssa Farah Griffin if she was pregnant. The shocking moment happened during the September 14, 2023 episode.

In case you missed it, here’s what went down: Seemingly out of nowhere, during a conversation about the state of America, Goldberg stopped in her tracks to ask Griffin point blank, "Are you pregnant?"

“No! Oh my God!” Griffin said in the moment, which played out in front of a live studio audience, and presumably millions of people watching from home. The conservative co-host was clearly shocked by the deeply personal question but then laughed. In my opinion, the giggling had more to do with feeling uncomfortable than finding the intrusive inquiry super hilarious.

“You can’t say that with my mother-in-law here. Who has been dying for me to get pregnant,” Griffin then asserted, motioning to the audience where her husband Justin’s mom must have been seated. We also saw executive producer Brian Teta saying something into his headset, as reported by the New York Post. The look on his face suggested he knew Goldberg’s question was bad, and about to create a public relations firestorm.

“Do I look pregnant?” Griffin then demanded, and Goldberg answered, “Yes,” adding she “just got a vibe.” The actress did apologize, and the awkward exchange ended with Griffin’s gracious summary of her situation, the explanation of which she owed nobody: “I’m very open to be pregnant soon. But I am not blessed to be pregnant yet.”

While Griffin was asked in a very public way if she was pregnant, I too recently found myself at the receiving end of this prying question in the much more private setting of my son’s school pickup line. A mom whom I’d never so much as chatted with before walked up to me and suddenly shared her inner dialogue by wondering aloud, “Are you pregnant?”

I wasn’t—but I had been just a few days earlier. In fact, about 48 hours prior, I rushed to the emergency room due to excessive bleeding from a miscarriage at 11 weeks. I then underwent a blood transfusion and surgery. Needless to say, I lost the baby, and walking up to my son’s school—still wearing hospital-issued postpartum underwear—was the bravest thing I’d been able to muster all day, aside from getting out of bed.

My own parents didn’t know I’d been pregnant, so that should tell you that I wasn’t really showing yet. But that’s not the point. Whether I had a huge belly or was wearing tiny skinny jeans and a crop top, revealing completely flat abs, is irrelevant. No one should ever ask anyone if they are pregnant.

Here's why. What if, like me, they just survived a brutal loss and they’re just getting by moment-to-moment? What if they have been trying unsuccessfully to conceive and would do anything to be pregnant? What if they are currently undergoing IVF, which is a very emotional experience, and also no one’s business?

Unlike Griffin, I didn’t handle this situation with as much poise. After mumbling something about having recently been pregnant, but having lost the baby, I turned on my heel and walked away so my son wouldn’t see me crying. His dad, who’d accompanied me to school, took him home, while I ambled around on my own for a bit, trying to shake off the unpleasant encounter. But try as I might, the truth was that this mom’s question hurt. A lot. I’d be lying if I said I got home and let it roll off. I didn’t.

I cried a lot that afternoon, because in addition to already feeling very sad about my loss, now I felt exposed, too—like every time I left the house from then on, someone would be lying in wait to ask me about my pregnancy status. Weeks later, I can tell you this hasn’t been the case, but what happened has made me wary of getting chatty at school each afternoon. I find that I’m keeping to myself, just wanting to get through the pickup, and not engaging with anyone.

With any luck, I’ll get past this truly tough time soon, but I’m hoping the mom who asked if I was pregnant learned from the encounter that her question was completely inappropriate for so many reasons. I hope Goldberg learned the same lesson.

The bottom line is this: Unless a person volunteers information about their pregnancy status, it’s not your business—even if they look like they’re about to pop. You have no idea what they are going through; if they just came from a tough prenatal appointment in which they received difficult news; if they had several losses prior to this and are terrified of jinxing things; or if they just gave birth and still look pregnant!

There are literally so many reasons not to ask if a person is pregnant, I couldn’t even list them all here. So just don’t. You could be saving someone from a lot of hurt by just going on with your day and keeping your mouth shut. Oh, and by the way; your curiosity is not enough of a reason to ponder after someone’s perceived glow or the size of their belly.

Incidentally, I haven’t spoken to the mom who randomly asked about the most sensitive thing in my life since that awful day, but I still see her every afternoon. Unlike Goldberg, she never apologized, but I don’t need her to. I’ll just hope she doesn’t make the same mistake again and perhaps spares someone else from feeling like I did. In the meantime, I empathize with Griffin and just feel thankful no one was filming my heartache live.

Related: What to Say to Someone After Pregnancy Loss

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