'Where are the vending machines?' The worst bad reviews of Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest

Tiffany Acosta, Arizona Republic
·4 min read

The Grand Canyon and the Petrified Forest in Arizona are iconic natural wonders that attract visitors from across the globe.

Each year, millions of people come to marvel at the breathtaking landscapes and geological formations. However, amid the expressions of awe and wonder exists a unique facet of visitor experience: the not-so-pleased parkgoers.

Platforms like Instagram have given rise to accounts such as @Subpar Parks, where the less-than-enthusiastic reviews of parks and landmarks get an artistic spotlight. This online space illustrates bad reviews sourced from online rating sites like Yelp and TripAdvisor.

These grumpy/funny critiques showcase the diverse opinions and expectations that visitors bring to these attractions. So, while Grand Canyon and Petrified Forest don't please everyone, the comically candid feedback is worth a read.

Here are some of our favorite worst bad reviews of Arizona national parks on Yelp and TripAdvisor.

The Grand Canyon got a 1-star on Yelp: Now it's on a hilarious Instagram account

Worst Yelp and TripAdvisor reviews of Grand Canyon National Park

  • “Don't waste your time and hard earned money on this overpriced, overcrowded experience,” said Paul W. on Yelp.

  • “Everybody wants to think that this hole in the earth levels above everything else. I'm here to tell you, everything is better than this random chasm that nobody is cleaning up after. To be quite frank, approximately anything could beat this canyon,” said Acorn O. on Yelp.

  • “It was pretty cool I guess, the canyon. A bit much though. Maybe less canyon next time would be better if you guys can fix that,” said Jason K. on TripAdvisor.

  • “There was dirt EVERYWHERE and the hiking trail was too long! Also where are the vending machines?? And no where to charge my phone! It's way too deep to even see the bottom,” said Gina M. on Yelp

  • “Easy place to commit murder. Just push the dude over the cliff and no body find out. Such a creeper. No plant, no life, it's like a picture of death. Even death, I guess there is beauty too,” said Sara L. on Yelp.

  • “The sewers in Mexico City are nicer than the restrooms here. For the thousands of people they have a day they have 2 main restrooms that have 2 stalls and 3 urinals for men and 4 stalls for women. These are supposed to allow a thousand people a day to use the restroom that probably is cleaned once a year. I would rather my family use porta potties at Mardi Gras in New Orleans than go into one of these bathrooms. For what they charge for entrance into the park, you would think they would have bathrooms like Bucee's,” said Bolomark3 on TripAdvisor.

  • “You'll go "ooh" and "ahh" for 30 seconds, and then feel guilty that you're ready to leave after that,” said Ken B. on Yelp.

  • “Whoopity do, Grand Canyon. You are a giant hole in the ground. You were caused by erosion. You don't have roller coasters or dippin' dots. Jeeesh. Can you say ‘overrated?’” -Jorbi P. on Yelp.

  • “It's to big. I almost fell like 20 miles away from it by my car but I could still see it. Also my wife decided to divorce me while we were there. It's also to big. I was expecting smaller,” said Landon W. on Yelp.

Worst Yelp and TripAdvisor reviews of Petrified Forest National Park

  • “The Crystal Forest was cool. A bunch of crystallized logs that you get to walk through. But once you see one, they're all pretty much the same,” said Alyssa A. on Yelp.

  • “There is no Forest,” said MichiganCameraGal on TripAdvisor.

  • “This was the most boring part of our drive across AZ. $10 to drive through and there is literally more petrified wood at the gift shop up the road than in this entire "forest,” said Matt J. on Yelp.

  • “My husband is a wood lover and even he was sorry we came,” said Travlingal51 on TripAdvisor.

  • “Nah,” said Jennifer N. on Yelp.

  • “Although the petrified wood is neat to see and there are some truly remarkable pieces, it's essentially just a nice walk in the desert,” said Mimibobo23 on TripAdvisor.

  • “Glad I saw it, but no need to revisit,” said Sandee L. on Yelp.

  • “I've been to 33 National Parks and I rank this one 33,” said Paul V. on Yelp.

  • “Great to have a National Park in the middle of nowhere along a boring drive,” said Isaiah X. on Yelp.

Got a story you want to share? Reach out at Tiffany.Acosta@gannett.com. Follow @tiffsario on Instagram.

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This article originally appeared on Arizona Republic: Yelping at nature: Worst reviews of Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest