If You Ever Thought "Gee, I Wish I Could Read 24 Wildly Funny Tweets By Women Right This Very Second," Boy, Do I Have Good News For You! (Click Here)
It's corn season, which means everyone is going to have that viral song about corn stuck in their heads for another month or so! 🌽🌽🌽
Tariq / @RecessTherapy / TikTok / Via tiktok.com
Why does the piano part go so hard at the end?!?!?!
So while you're waiting in line at your local CSA for your weekly corn haul, make sure you follow these funny ladies on Twitter!
1.
my biggest financial mistake was being in 8th grade in 2009 when I should’ve been buying foreclosed real estate
2.
the uterus is the original 3d printer
3.
If you hold a pigeon up to your ear you can hear what it sounds like to be attacked by a pigeon.
4.
just took my plan b with red bull. that baby’s gonna get its wings one way or another
5.
Twitter is giving me regular updates on the location of the Queen’s coffin like I personally ordered it on Amazon
6.
unfair that you have to be a ghost in order to haunt someone
7.
Guys be like “wanna watch a movie where you’re uncomfortable the whole time? It’s really good”
8.
My 8yo had the audacity to ask me why I cross my legs when I sneeze. You, dude. You are the reason.
9.
The thing many people don’t realize about Plymouth Rock is that it is a rock. https://t.co/XmS3e3cN15
10.
i open tiktok and in 3 minutes i'm being diagnosed with autism and told that blinking is a trauma response
11.
My boyfriend has such a beautiful girlfriend. Love it for him.
12.
when my boyfriend is home i eat three square meals a day and when he is gone i creep into the kitchen for a handful of dry cereal or a pickle every two hours like a tiny rat in a bodega in bedstuy
13.
you blocked someone on everything and all of a sudden cxzvbhb is watching your story
14.
too many ppl selling their souls to corporations, not enough ppl selling their souls to a weird little freak who lives under a bridge
15.
i hope the movie 'my policeman' is just two people yelling at each other over and over again like 'no he's MY policeman!!!'
16.
sometimes you see a person running in such a way that you know they're doing this instead of going to therapy
17.
sex is not real. its a concept made up by the government to try to distract you from your grind in valorant. stay strong gamers dont let them win‼️
18.
stories in the Bible kill me sometimes… like imagine getting sold into slavery by your brothers cus your dad gave you a Canada Goose jacket
19.
whenever i clean my vibrator in the sink i feel like i’m in a dawn commercial washing a duckling that’s been in an oil spill
20.
One of the perks of marriage is having someone around to let you know which normal things from your childhood were actually very very weird
21.
she’s a 10 but Excel thinks she’s October
22.
i dont smoke but im an ally (carry a lighter)
23.
(Newborn baby twitter)Left boob milk seriously hits different💬50 ♻️13.7k ❤️277kWhen he can’t roll over by himself 🚩💬14 ♻️9,444 ❤️182kHow naptime is rooted in colonialism - 🧵 💬99 ♻️26k ❤️334k
24.
[having size 9 shoes on paper]: completely normal, literally the average women’s size in the USA [having size 9 shoes at the store]: greetings Amazonian giantess, we keep your enormous clodhoppers in the shed out back, lest they frighten the villagers
