This Week in Excellent Celebrity Grooming Style

Justin Theroux’s Beard Contour

There's more than meets the eye when it comes to celebrity grooming. Do not be tricked—this is not a regular beard. Do you see how the cheek parts of the beard are angled just slightly lower than they might usually be? This is a facial hair approximation of contouring, in which makeup artists and Kim Kardashian shade the area of the face below the cheekbone to appear more generally angular. Justin Theroux has been doing this for as long as he has been bearded. Without a beard, his face is square; With a beard, it’s more slender, with cheekbones bursting forth. Pay very close attention to wear you draw your beard line! It makes worlds of difference.

Bo Burnham’s Non-Greasy Hair Texture

This is how you want your hair to look after applying a salt-spray; basking in the critical praise of your first feature-length film, hair textured and tousled just-so. This is how you don’t want to look after applying a salt-spray: Like a sad, wet dog. Use with caution.

Riz Ahmed’s Diet Punk Beard/Dye Combo

The fact that Riz Ahmed’s blonde is not perfectly maintained—a bit brassy, with roots peeking through—adds to its appeal. When risking it all by bleaching your hair, it helps to not look like you’re taking the whole thing too seriously. The double edged sword of celebrity grooming. But this look is made with the contrasting beard and brows, which, if you have facial hair but want to go blonde, is the only way to do it.

Ted Danson’s Icy Pompadour

The particular shade of Ted Danson’s hair defies description. It is not gray, which is a different color entirely. Nor is it white, which fails to connote its blond tones, its translucence, its general majesty. The best illustration would land somewhere between Alpine snow, the flaxen voice of an angel, and exactly the shade we should all be striving for. Bonus points for a pompadour that doesn’t feel crunchy or dated, but still maintains polish.

Armie Hammer’s Scruff

Never in my life have I seen a neckbeard work in the favor of the wearer, but here we are, staring into the cerulean abyss of Armie Hammer’s piercing gaze. This is proof that a neckbeard can succeed (and look extremely good) under specific conditions: That you file it and the rest of your beard situation down to scruff-length, and you let it grow with abandon. Where does it end? Let it never end.

Everything about “pet influencer Geordi la Corgi”

Just looking at this beautiful, Instagram-famous Corgi makes every synapse in my brain scream with delight. Coat is perfectly clipped, eyes are soft amber, tongue is rosy and indicates good overall bodily health. He is not the Grooming God we asked for, but he is the Grooming God we deserve.