Followers of YouTuber Niki DeMartino were shocked last fall when the singer and social-media star posted a series of emotional videos revealing that she had split with her boyfriend of four years, Jerry Pascucci. How could that happen? The two had seemed so smitten with each other.
Now, nearly six months after the split, Niki is finally ready to open up about her heartbreak in a wrenching new video for AwesomenessTV that sheds light on the deep heartbreak she endured - and how she's healing today.
Niki recorded the video in the style of a letter. It's written to her old self, timed to the days just before her breakup with Jerry occurred.
"Dear old Niki, you're about to wake up in what feels like a nightmare," Niki says to the camera at the beginning of the vid. This seems to confirm many fans' suspicions that the split came as a complete surprise to Niki.
"Everything around you is going to feel dark - like a lie," Niki continues. "Everything's going to feel so wrong. You're going to feel helpless. And it's going to feel like the end."
Niki doesn't specify what caused the split, but she does hint at dishonesty. "Your trust will be completely broken from the person you thought would never do that: your boyfriend of four years who you grew up with," she warns her former self.
As the video progresses, Niki explores the difficulty she faced in reclaiming her identity after the breakup. "When you lost him, you lost yourself," she says. "Because you were just Niki for the first time, and you weren't ready for it.
"You're going to hit rock bottom. You're going to feel real depression. You're going to want to not wake up," Niki says. "But you can't hide from it; you have to face it."
Niki's willingness to confront her new reality has helped her move forward, the video shows.
"Stop being afraid to love yourself," she says. "You can be who you are. You can be who you want to be. It's really all up to you. When you put yourself first, everything changes."
Check out the whole empowering video letter below.
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