Do You Want to Be Invisible and Hide From People?
Learn More About Social Anxiety
JGI / Jamie Grill / Getty Images
Medically reviewed by Amy Morin, LCSW
Some people with social anxiety disorder (SAD) have the thought: "I wish I could be invisible." Do you ever feel that way? Many people with SAD try to make themselves invisible to others. They don't talk so they won't draw attention to themselves. They look down so they won't make eye contact. They avoid situations so that they won't have to face people.
Surveys show that a whopping 9% of young adults ages 18 to 29 are diagnosed with social anxiety each year, and the lifetime prevalence is 12%.
Related: Symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder
Although your desire to be invisible may be strong, ask yourself, does it really solve anything?
What Would You Lose by Being Invisible?
You would miss out on opportunities to make friendships and have intimate relationships.
People would lose out on getting to know you.
Many of your needs, wants, opinions, and desires would go ignored.
Nobody would know that you were there.
Your world would become smaller and less enjoyable.
If you have SAD, perhaps some of the outcomes listed above are already true.
What is the opposite of being invisible? Being seen? Heard? Possibly judged? Would you consider putting yourself out there? Maybe not with a cold plunge if you have been practicing your invisibility skills for a long time, but gradually and slowly sticking your toes in the water to face your fears a little at a time. You might find yourself emerging out of your cocoon and spreading your new wings as your most authentic (and confident) self before you know it.
Related: How to Face Your Fears - When It's the Last Thing You Want to Do
Research on Being Invisible
In one interesting study, researchers used virtual reality to test the effect of perceiving your own body to be invisible. What they found was interesting—the typical anxiety that comes in response to standing in front of an audience was reduced when the participants perceived their own bodies to be invisible.
Imagine for a moment that you are standing in front of an audience (a dreadful scenario for the majority of people with or without SAD) but this time you are invisible. Would your heart still race? Would you feel shaky and panicky? Is your fear dependent on the audience seeing you, or does it exist simply because of you seeing the audience?
Based on the findings from this study, we can conclude that it is not just the presence of the audience, but the thought that they are looking at you, scrutinizing and judging you, finding all of your flaws and weaknesses, and concluding you are stupid, ugly, boring, etc. that causes the emotional distress. You assume the worst of people!
Indeed, we know that those with SAD tend to experience a cognitive distortion known as the "spotlight effect," wherein you think all eyes are on you, even when they are not.
Related: What Is the Spotlight Effect?
The authors of the study suggested that starting out the virtual reality therapy experience with an avatar that has an invisible body may allow those with social anxiety to gradually overcome their fears a few small steps at a time.
In fact, a systematic review of studies concluded that virtual reality (VR) has been an effective treatment method for people who have social anxiety and many other mental health conditions. Using a virtual reality headset to experience a variety of social situations can help desensitize you to feelings of anxiety you encounter in real life.
Takeaway
The VR software can be adjusted to create gentle scenarios with pleasant interactions, as well as more challenging scenarios like being on a stage with people in the audience falling asleep as you talk or making rude comments.
Are You More Invisible Than You Think?
Though you may not be able to rig up a virtual reality situation in your own life to practice being invisible, you could instead do some behavioral experiments to test out exactly how much other people notice what you are doing. You might find people aren't paying as much attention as you think, or, at least they are not judging you the way you think they are. Here are a few ideas:
Act silly on purpose to see what reaction you get. For example, do a little dance move in your seat, or belt out the line of a song at an odd time.
Tell really stupid jokes (keep it clean though).
Wear your shirt backward or inside out.
Make eye contact with someone and let them be the first to look away.
Eat your food in obnoxiously enjoyable ways - with slurps, messy fingers, sounds of delight, and maybe leave some food stuck in your teeth for a few extra minutes.
Takeaway
Having the ability to laugh at ourselves is a sign of self-confidence and can be one of the best remedies to social anxiety.
Learn More: The Benefits of Making Fun of Yourself
Stop Bullying Yourself
Another thing to do is think about how you perceive others around you. Are you always judging them, ready to reject them for any sign of human imperfection? Did the way they ate their food disgust you? Did they pee too loud in the bathroom? Did they gain a few pounds? Did they give a terrible speech in front of the class?
Those were trick questions by the way. These are the things people with social anxiety worry about, but the rest of the world doesn't spend excessive time ruminating over these things.
Think about it, are you being as hard on others (in your thoughts) as you are on yourself? Probably not. Stop being a bully - to yourself!
The same kindness and compassion you have for others when they do something that might be embarrassing is the same amount you should give yourself.
Related: 'I Hate Myself': 8 Ways to Combat Self-Hatred
Roots of Social Anxiety Disorder
There are many possible reasons for experiencing anxiety. From a biological perspective, anxiety can be inherited due to genetics and the way your sympathetic nervous system is wired to perceive threats in the environment. You may be born with a unique temperament that makes you more sensitive, cautious, and likely to experience stronger emotions.
If your anxiety stems from life experiences like abuse, rejection, betrayal, or bullying, the impact on your emotional well-being can be devastating. Depending on your unique life experiences, and your developmental age at the time, your self-esteem, sense of identity, and core beliefs about yourself can become damaged.
You may believe deep down that you are flawed, unloveable, and not worthy of someone's kindness and respect. If that is the case, you may need to address those emotional wounds and begin the healing process.
It is important to know that if people are mean and abusive to you, that is a character flaw within them and does not reflect your personal worth whatsoever. Start thinking to yourself "Your opinion is none of my business."
Related: How to Spot and Challenge Your Negative Core Beliefs, According to a Therapist
What To Do About Your Invisibility Problem
Whatever the cause, there are many ways to work through the distress caused by SAD. Many people benefit from some form of talk therapy. If you want to dig into your past and work through traumatic or painful experiences, you might be interested in psychoanalysis or a humanistic therapy approach. If you want to address your distorted thoughts and negative core beliefs, you might try cognitive-behavioral therapy or dialectical behavioral therapy.
Related: Social Anxiety Disorder Treatments
Whether it is in-person therapy, online therapy, or virtual reality therapy, the gold standard for treating anxiety disorders is exposure therapy or systematic desensitization, techniques used by therapists as part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In a nutshell, it involves just that—facing your fears gradually and learning that you can make it through the situations that cause you anxiety.
You can work with a therapist to address your fears in real-life scenarios. The hard part is working through the ugly thoughts and feelings as you work your way up the ladder of increasingly anxiety-provoking situations. But eventually, with practice, your anxiety will dissipate if you stay in it long enough.
Although exposure therapy is usually practiced with a therapist, it can also be done on your own as a self-help exercise.
Related: How to Practice Exposure Therapy on Your Own
What Not To Do
Although it may feel like a relief to stay as invisible as possible as you avoid those uncomfortable feelings, this type of 'escape' behavior will backfire on you in the end. Through a learning process known as operant conditioning, you are providing your brain the 'reward' that comes with avoiding those dreadfully uncomfortable feelings, which then causes you to continue to use these escape/avoidance behaviors.
According to behavioral theorists, this is known as negative reinforcement, where removing something unpleasant will increase a target behavior (minimizing uncomfortable feelings increases avoidance/escape behavior). It is a downward spiral that can lead people into more severe anxiety with panic attacks, and in the worst-case scenario... a fear of leaving their homes.
Related: What is Agoraphobia?
Words of Wisdom From Verywell
If your superpower is invisibility, you might be missing out on the life you are meant to live. Sometimes we don't experience life to its fullest until we face our fears. And the longer you wait to become visible, the more difficult it becomes.
Remember two things: First, not everyone is going to like you no matter what you do. Second, your value isn't based on superficial things like beauty, money, weight, body shape, skin color, gender, level of education, etc. Your value comes from you being you. with your unique personality and endearing qualities that reflect your values, morals, and character.
Read Next: Find Out What Makes a Person More "Likeable"
There are many self-help strategies and therapies that can help you overcome and conquer social anxiety... what are you waiting for?
Get Help Now
We've tried, tested, and written unbiased reviews of the best online therapy programs including Talkspace, BetterHelp, and ReGain. Find out which option is the best for you.
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
