The New Velveeta Martini And 34 Other Food Crimes Committed This Week

BuzzFeed
·3 min read

Recently, I saw something that shocked me to my very core. It was horrifying. It made me truly question...just how far have we strayed from god's light?

Romero asking "Do you think God stays in heaven because he, too, lives in fear of what he's created?" in Spy Kids 2
Dimension Films

The thing I saw? The Velveeta Martini. Yes. This is a real thing.

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And I'm afraid...I'm just so afraid. Because I'm a masochist, I decided to look into all the other foods out there that truly make me wonder about how much hope there is for humanity. And since I had to see these abominations, so do you.

Paramount Pictures

Here are 35 truly terrifying items that deign to call themselves food.

1. These peanut cheetos:

Peanut Cheetos exist. from shittyfoodporn

2. This cherry ramen:

blended cherry ramen from ShittyRamen

3. This cheesy banana moonpie:

A Snack my dad loves, Heated Banana Moonpie with Cheese from shittyfoodporn

4. This pickle popsicle:

saw a pickle pop here once and got inspired from shittyfoodporn

5. These inside-out hot dogs:

my Mum was trying to be nice and make dinner for Dad... from shittyfoodporn

6. This "tropical twinkie cheesecake":

This one guy claims to be a “professional chef” then makes this “tropical twinkie cheesecake.” Idek what to say... from shittyfoodporn

7. This mint chocolate gravy:

Korean KFC just released a MINT CHOCOLATE GRAVY from shittyfoodporn

8. This Cinnamon Toast Crunch-flavored milk and Pepsi combo:

In 2018 I made pilk. In 2022 I present to you: cinnapilk. from shittyfoodporn

9. Kool-Aid pickles:

Kool-Aid Pickles from StupidFood

10. And deep-fried Kool-Aid:

Deep-Fried Kool-Aid from StupidFood

11. These bacon-covered Oreos:

My friend just posted this on his stories, fucking what? from shittyfoodporn

12. This cherries-and-milk combo:

My gf's daughter likes eating this food called... Cherry milk... Cherries in milk... from shittyfoodporn

13. This chocolate hot dog:

Chocolate hot dog (tasty) from shittyfoodporn

14. And these ravioli hot dogs:

Weeniolis. from shittyfoodporn

15. This gummy bear bratwurst:

The Wisconsin State Fair has a gummy bear bratwurst this year… from shittyfoodporn

16. This salad lasagne (salagne, if you will):

Salagne from shittyfoodporn

17. This pasta birthday cake:

Feeling blessed from shittyfoodporn

18. This bagel with cheese, onions, and peanut butter:

My co-worker is gross bagel, cheese, onions and peanut butter from shittyfoodporn

19. This tuna and egg sandwich:

Tuna & Egg Sandwich from shittyfoodporn

20. This Pop Tart and cucumber sandwich:

Cucumber guacamole sour cream pop tart sandwich from shittyfoodporn

21. This Spam-and-peanuts dinner:

my uncle's dinner last night from shittyfoodporn

22. Lemonade-flavored chips(???):

Another weird chip from H.E.B. But I applaud their creativity. from StupidFood

23. This Kit-Kat sandwich:

Montadito de KitKat from shittyfoodporn

24. This Dorito soup:

Cream of mushroom with Doritos from shittyfoodporn

25. This block of cheese with hot sauce:

Block cheddar with Valentina. from shittyfoodporn

26. This Minions curry:

Minions curry from shittyfoodporn

27. This Nesquik cake:

My chocolate cake with nesquik frosting is strangely similar to the subreddit's name from shittyfoodporn

28. This noodles and gummy worms combo:

mung bean noodles with gummy worms from StupidFood

29. Sour Patch Kid cookies:

Sour Patch Kids Cookies… found on the back of the bag from StupidFood

30. This sad, sad pizza:

my very authentic pizza from shittyfoodporn

31. This banana hot dog:

Behold. A creation so stupid it may actually come full circle and be smart. (Definitely gotta go easy on the jelly.) from StupidFood

32. This sandwich with just mayo and raw onion:

Raw onion and mayo sandwich from shittyfoodporn

33. This pineapple and ramen combo:

Pineapple with packet pork ramen. Lovecraftian looking but tastes good. from ShittyRamen

34. This spicy ice cream:

I’m kinda into this one from StupidFood

35. And finally, green mac-n-cheese:

Who needs regular mac when you have Minty Mac? from StupidFood