You’ve Got This, Guys! Tips and Advice on How To Give the Perfect Best Man Speech
How to toast the happy couple in style.
What an honor that out of all the friends and family in attendance at this wedding, you've been asked to serve as the best man. Along with one or two other people, you have the invitation to remind the wedding crowd about the wonderful couple you're celebrating that day. Yes, you want your best man speech to be memorable and a nice addition to the event, but do remember you're not the main event, and you aren't a one-man show (the father of the bride often gives a speech, as well as the maid of honor).
So, first things first, remember your role as the best man is to present the groom in the best light possible. Talk about what you appreciate about him, how the couple is going to make a great husband-wife team, and offer some humorous or sentimental highlights from along the way. Then, sit down to enjoy the meal and wedding cake.
For more in-depth tips, as well as examples and a great template for best man speeches, keep reading. We already know your heart's in the right place—now let's polish up the effort. Even if public speaking isn't your forte, that's okay! Here's all you need to know about writing the perfect best man wedding speech.
How To Write a Best Man Speech
Let's start at the beginning. Whether you've known the groom for a lifetime or only more recently, there's a reason you were chosen as the "best." Brainstorm a highlight reel of your times together. Think about this for several days, jotting down notes and memories that come to mind. Consider this your best man speech template! Move on to the good times that include the bride-to-be. The more inclusive your speech is, including the bridal couple and their friends and family, the more memorable your speech will be. When you sit down, you want everyone in the room to feel good, maybe even wiping a tear or two from their eyes.
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List of Best Man "I Dos" (and Don'ts) with Examples
Do win over the room. All it takes is a great opening line, a heartfelt compliment, and all of a sudden, your friend's loved ones are your loved ones too. Be willing to show vulnerability.
Do share how you met both the bride and the groom. This is the inside information that helps others see why you hold the special role you play that day.
Do jot down your thoughts on a 3x5 card ahead of time. Even if you're wearing cuff links for the formal event, you're not going off the cuff for this speech. It's not necessary to have it written out on a sheet of paper, but bullet points to help you remember the speech are appropriate here.
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Do offer a healthy mix of light, serious, funny, personal, inclusive. Read the room to see how the audience is reacting to your speech, and adjust accordingly.
Do get a second opinion. Run your ideas by a trusted friend, read the speech out loud, anything to help you polish your delivery before the big day.
Do thank the guests for attending, and thank the hosts for all their hard work. These simple gestures imply "you're all gathered together" for a joyous occasion, and you're honored to be a part of it with them.
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Don't mention ex-girlfriends, even if it's a great lead to a really funny story. Off-limits. Period.
Don't forget to mention the bride. Even if you don't know her as well, a polite reference to something you appreciate about her will go a long way.
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Don't use vulgar or offensive speech. Grandma is in the room, and we don't want her clutching her pearls. Children are in the room, and they shouldn't have to cover their ears.
Don't drink too much before giving the speech. As the best man, the couple deserves your best public-speaking self.
Don't forget what you learned in speech class. The basics are important: smile, don't speak in a monotone voice, speak up loud enough for everyone to hear, make eye contact, use your hands some, and don't just read the speech.
How Long Should a Best Man Speech Be?
This could be another "don't." Don't take too long! Ideally, your speech will fall around three to five minutes. That's enough to offer the basic elements of a best man's speech, including a couple of stories, but not have the guests checking their phones to see how much time you're taking. This is especially true if the guests don't eat until after the speeches.
Top 10 Things To Keep In Mind When Writing a Best Man Speech (Template)
Hopefully, by now, this article has gotten your creative wheels turning. Now, it's time to put pen to paper and write a draft of the speech. If you're getting glimpses of English class term paper writing, and you find your palms are suddenly sweaty, it's not that—think of it more as a creative writing elective, and the grade doesn't matter, but the delivery does.
1. Introduce Yourself
How do you know the couple? Do you know the family or other people at the head table? If you have a guest with you for the evening (say a wife, for example) be sure to introduce her as well. Work hard on a strong opener.
2. Decide on the overall mood of the speech
It's okay to evoke a few emotions along the way, but overall do you want people to feel as if your speech was touching or funny, serious or light-hearted? Knowing what you're aiming for gives you direction when writing.
Here are some marriage quotes to guide you in developing a mood:
Touching - “If I get married, I want to be very married.” - Audrey Hepburn
Funny - “By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” - Socrates
Serious - "They do not love that do now show their love. - Shakespeare
Light-hearted - "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.” - Ogden Nash
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3. Intentionally focus on the couple, not yourself.
It's all about taking the right angle. Every part of the speech should be a celebration of the groom and the love of his life.
4. Choose no more than three or four stories to tell.
This is your time to put away your notes and share stories from the heart. You'll only need two to three stories for your speech, but have that backup in case another person giving a speech shares the same story. Best to be prepared.
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5. Make sure there's nothing offensive or insulting in the speech.
Give this one a lot of thought. Are your jokes inappropriate? Will a guest be offended or hurt? You want to add joy to the evening, not shame. Cut out anything that's inappropriate.
6. Identify a main point or two.
You want your speech to be memorable. By emphasizing a few points, and reiterating them in a natural way throughout the speech, people might actually remember some of what you said the next day.
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7. Consider what advice you have to offer the couple.
Especially if you're already married, use this opportunity to share what you've learned with the couple, and with others in the wedding crowd.
8. Spend a few moments complimenting the relationship.
What do you already see the bride and groom doing well as a couple? Let them know what they're doing right, and encourage them along the way.
9. Go back through your speech and look for inside jokes.
Remember, you likely know the groom better than many others in the room. While an inside joke or two definitely isn't the end of the world, you don't want your speech to become your own private walk down memory lane.
10. End your speech with a toast to the couple.
It's probably best if this is the only time you offer a toast during your speech. Traditionally, the couple will receive other toasts, and possibly a version of the custom where guests encourage the couple to kiss.
At the end of the wedding reception, you want everyone in the room to walk away knowing the groom chose well, and you're likely to remain a good friend of this new family for years to come.
