‘I Used an Affirmation Jar Every Day for a Month—Here’s How It Worked for Me'

In February and in honor of Valentine's Day, I spent the first two weeks cutting out paper hearts and writing one thing I loved about my two sons, who were almost three and almost 12 months at the time. Even though they're little, I wanted to affirm every day that I love them and why—it's never too early to lay that foundation, right?

But—and this can be a bit controversial in Mom spaces—what about me? The old cliché goes, "Put on your own oxygen mask first," which I am admittedly horrible at doing. It's not that I want a gold star or trophy or dive into Mommy martyrdom. It's just my default to put other people first, and that trait goes into overdrive with my two tiny humans. It's exhausting, though, and a voice in my head kept nagging me that my needs weren't getting met and that I had turned into a shell of a human—neither of which was serving my kids.

Then, I came across the idea of using an affirmation jar. Basically, you have a jar full of affirmations, and you pull a new one every day. It seemed a little cheesy at first. I'm not into woo-woo. You won't find me making vision boards or trying to manifest anything through Lucky Girl Syndrome.

But affirmation jars also felt like something even I, as a working mom, could make time to do daily. It also seemed a lot like what I did for my sons for Valentine's Day. The difference? This time, I'd tell myself I mattered and was good enough (two affirmations down—score).

To use another cliché: Sometimes, you need to fill your cup to pour into someone else's. I want to show up for my sons confidently—maybe 30 days' worth of affirmations would give me a boost. And perhaps it'd also help build on the foundation of self-love and confidence I hoped to jumpstart with my Instagram-inspired February Valentine's Day affirmations for them.

Here's how I feel after 30 days of using an affirmation jar.

Related: What Is 'Lucky Girl Syndrome'? I've Tried Out the TikTok Trend—Here's How My Luck Changed

How I Created an Affirmation Jar

Spoiler alert: Setting up an affirmation jar takes longer than actually using said affirmation jar. The most challenging part was finding 30 affirmations—thankfully, made easier by searching online.

What you need for an affirmation jar

1. A jar. My husband used to be into making horseradish and sauces before we had our two boys, so we had plenty of those collecting dust in a cabinet. But you can use any container—tupperware, box, you name it; you can use it. But I liked the simplicity of a big, tall mason jar sitting on my nightstand (far back enough that my kids couldn't raid it).

2. Colorful Post-Its. Bright pink makes me happy, so I mostly went with that color. The idea of having something aesthetically pleasing on my nightstand, otherwise full of baby gear (monitor, breast pump), may sound small and insignificant to some. But I liked the idea of having something pretty and just for me. It's the little things.

3. Affirmations. Finding inspiring, personal affirmations was the hardest part of the challenge. I needed 30 to fulfill my 30-day goal. I searched hashtags like #dailyaffirmations. One account in particular, @thelovechange, was a wealth of inspiration. For example, a post on patience from May 14 inspired, "I deserve to be patient with myself" and "Go at your own pace—your race, your pace." Another from May 15 on choosing yourself had me writing out, "I choose me—and that's OK" and "One step forward is enough." There are also great daily affirmations on Parade.

What I did with my affirmation jar

1. Put affirmations in a jar. This step was easy as pie. I folded up all of my affirmations and put them in a jar.

2. Pull an affirmation. The first thing I did every morning was pull a folded-up piece of paper out of the jar. I then put the used affirmation in a different jar, so I never repeated ones (but you can always put them back in).

3. Reflect. I took a few moments to reflect on how to use that affirmation. For example, "I choose me—and that's OK" could mean "I am going to say no to story assignments that do not align with my career goals" or "I am going to say no to this party invite so that I can rest."

Supposedly, by doing this daily, I'll feel more positive. Honestly, it sounded too good to be true, and I was skeptical. But I figured it was easy to pull a piece of paper from a jar once daily.

Related: Boost Your Confidence (And Change Your Life) With These 50 Positive Affirmations

My Affirmation Jar Review

As we've established, I have a good bit on my plate. "Wellness," "self-care" and simply "showering without hearing phantom baby cries" generally feel like hopeless, impossible endeavors. Within the first few days, I realized that an affirmation jar was effortless for me. And I did feel better reading things like, "You are enough" and "You have endured 100% of your worst days." They served as a reminder that I didn't have to be perfect.

But was it just an initial jolt from trying something new (similar to starting a workout)? That's why I committed to 30 days of using an affirmation jar.

By the second week, it already felt like a habit. It can take 18 to 250 days to create a new habit (wide range there, huh?). But the affirmation jar became one more quickly for me, perhaps a testament to its simplicity. It takes less time than running a bubble bath and lighting a candle. As two weeks went on, the process became almost meditative. I looked forward to getting up in the morning and pulling from the jar.

The best part? It felt like one part of the day where I got to say something nice to myself.

In fact, one afternoon, my kids were fighting over a toy, and I did not react in the "gentle parent" way I would have liked. The next morning, I pulled, "You are not your mistakes." I'm not into woo-woo, but this felt like the universe telling me that the moment I snapped didn't define me as a mom and that the new day would offer a second chance to do better by my kids—and myself.

Related: What To Do When You Feel Lonely—These Expert-Recommended Tips Might Just Help You Feel Better

How It Felt To Use an Affirmation Jar for 30 Days

Using an affirmation jar daily was simple once I had it set up, and it was a quick act of self-care. I felt better each morning.

Did the whole thing rock my world? Honestly, not really. But it was something that made me feel better, and even something to look forward to. That's enough for me to keep it going.

Next up: Does Breathwork Work for Anxiety?