"Untag Me Immediately": Solutions to a Social Media Crisis
In the modern, digital-heavy age, tagging someone in photos can seem harmless, natural even. We share where we eat, where we vacation, what we wear, and more–so, sharing who we socialize with seems expected. But, what happens when, say, a tagged photo of you scarfing down a corn on the cob at a dinner party gets circulated on the internet without your consent? (This editor may be speaking from personal experience, here.)
"You can't be a diva about it," Ian Malone, a frequent in the New York City social scene tells Town & Country regarding the parties and brand events he often attends. "If you show up to a social event, you're giving your consent to be photographed and for those images to circulate. That said, like all matters of consent, it involves trust." Should there be some sort of disclosure, though? During the dance performance of Philip Glass's Etude held at the Joyce Theatre, sponsored by Van Cleef & Arpels, signs inside warned guests that photography was taking place. Other instances, aren't so forgiving.
When you're out at a brand event whose purpose is to generate buzz on social media, sure, expect to be photographed and run the risk of those photos, whether flattering or defaming, to circulate. But, what about everyday, personal happenings, such as an intimate holiday party at home or a dinner with close friends out sans professional photographers?
"Then, there is no expectation to be photographed and hosts should not post unflattering iPhone pictures of their guests," Malone says.
"Even though The Sun once ran an unflattering photo of me, I'm actually indifferent of people posting or tagging bad photos of me on Instagram," Jade Beguelin, the co-founder of skincare brand 4AM. "Specifically stories that expire in 24 hours or like a photo in a carousel that't not the first one is all fair game. I think I have enough of a grip on reality that I don't expect people to be so obsessed with me that they're dissecting tangential photos of me, especially since I can remove a tag that's really bad. For a main photo on Instagram, I would typically hope that my friends know it's a worse look for them to post something so atrocious of me when they look hot. I think society has progressed enough for that to be looked down upon, thankfully. "
But, let's take a step back: other than the vanity of it all, tagging a photo of a friend, or even posting them online, can expose them in more ways than one. Told one friend you can't make it to their holiday party because you had a "family gathering" when really you wanted to go to the one that sounded more fun? A quick post online can expose your little white lie. "Once my friends and I had a pregame at a friend's exes home," an anon source says. "We went because our mutual friend was in town that weekend. We weren't, like, trying to hide anything but our friends confronted us the next day after they saw a photo from that night." It's not really your responsibility to protect other's lies about attendance, but it is in good principle as a friend to let them confess to it on their own. They mentioned another instance when they posted a photo of a friend who was 7-months pregnant. The photo was asked to be taken down because, apparently, they hadn't shared the news with their social media following (which is another topic to dissect) despite the protruding abdomen.
The holiday season will be potent with photographs and the following are a few ground rules. Don't you want to appear like you're surrounded by gorgeous people without severing ties, anyway?
Don't Just Look at Yourself.
Are you that friend that only looks at themselves in the group photo? Time to retire that mentality. It would be a shame to spoil a fun night out by doing your friends dirty online.
If You Are Second Guessing it, Ask.
You know your friends are gorgeous, but others may not. Slow your need-to-post-in-real-time horses down, and gracefully ask your friends if you can post the photo. Odds are, there's already a group chat happening and getting approval will take no more than 30 seconds. Loyalty speaks more than vanity does.
Liquid Libations?
A red solo cup in a photo is so college freshman. You're more sophisticated friends have moved on to classic martinis, and not all of them want to advertise their after hour fun to the world. If it's apparent that your friends have had a few of them, best to ask permission. Who knows, maybe they'll want to give a little Kate Moss-chic.
If You're a Victim, Don't be Afraid to Flag the Crime.
It isn't annoying to protect yourself and "curate" things about you that go online, despite whether or not you have aspirations to be a social media influencer. Mentioning a bad photo and requesting it to be taken down is a respectable, to say the least. After all, a lot the internet is forever. On the plus side, however, there's so much content seen by folks with minimal attention spans, so one bad photo isn't really the end of the world.
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