Understanding Oldest Child Syndrome and How It Shapes Childhood Development
They're more likely to be ambitious, perfectionists, and leaders
Medically reviewed by Akeem Marsh, MD
Oldest child syndrome, sometimes called firstborn syndrome, refers to how being the first-born child in a family can shape a person’s identity. Birth order has long been thought of as one of the primary factors that influence our personality and development.
In particular, firstborn children are usually characterized as responsible, Type A personalities who are often drawn to leadership-type roles in the family and in their lives.
Being the oldest sibling may have its perks, but it also can feel like a burden at times. “I would define ‘oldest child syndrome’ as the pressure the oldest sibling feels to meet the high expectations placed on them as well as the stress to feel like they must be the perfect role model for the rest of their siblings,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, licensed professional clinical counselor and therapist at LifeStance Health.
At a Glance
If you're the oldest child in your family, it can be helpful to understand oldest child syndrome because a lot of your behavioral patterns will probably start to make a lot more sense. We’ll take a closer look at how being the oldest child affects personality and development, as well as ways that parents and oldest children themselves can manage any challenges that arise.
Related: Is Middle Child Syndrome Real?
Characteristics of Oldest Children
There are no hard and fast rules about what oldest children are like, and researchers haven’t come to any clear conclusions about what characterizes oldest children, besides that they perform slightly better on intelligence tests than their younger siblings.
According to Brandy Smith, PhD, licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, AL, some of the characteristics commonly associated with oldest children include:
Having an ingrained sense of responsibility—sometimes limited to siblings and family, and often extended to others or other situations
Regularly striving for perfection
Feeling compelled to meet people’s expectations, particularly parents’ expectations
Frequently drawn to leadership-type roles
Usually described as a rule follower and well-behaved
An ambitious, high achiever
Often displays Type A personality traits, which includes competitiveness and impatience
While traits like a tendency to be perfectionistic, ambitious, and stubborn are often ascribed to oldest children, these traits don’t always accurately describe them, says Leanza. Moreover, many firstborns struggle under the weight of the expectations put upon them.
Related: How to Lead: 6 Leadership Styles and Frameworks
Impact of Oldest Child Syndrome on Development
Many theories about oldest children’s development are based on the idea that these children are usually given their parents’ undivided attention early on, which may make it more likely for them to reach developmental milestones early, especially ones centered around intelligence and academic achievements.
Here’s what research has found:
Studies have shown that firstborn children have an advantage when it comes to cognitive development around the age of four, including verbal development, perceptual-performance development, and quantitative skills (manipulating numbers)
There is some evidence that firstborn children also have a small advantage when it comes to early reading and literacy skills
There is limited evidence that oldest children have an advantage when it comes to mathematics skills, especially during the preschool years
Being the oldest sibling can also impact a child’s emotional development and their sense of self, Leanza says. “For example, they may mature faster due to having to take on more responsibility within the household or they may become parentified because of having to take care of their younger siblings, especially if there is only one parental figure or if both parents work,” she describes.
This pressure can lead to an oldest child struggling to find their identity outside of their role in their family, Leanza explains. One important aspect of healthy development is being able to individuate outside of your family, and children who are “parentified” (i.e., take on the role of parent in their family) often have a hard time achieving this, which can stifle normal development.
Related: What Is Parentification?
How Being the Oldest Child Affects Personality
The evidence is less clear and conclusive when it comes to how birth order affects a child’s personality.
Australian doctor and psychoanalyst Alfred Adler is usually credited with the origin of the theory of how birth order affects personality. Adler’s theory was that both firstborn and youngest children experience neuroses based on their need for success and dominance in the family, whereas middle birth children have more easy-going personalities, and also tend to be more rebellious.
Takeaway
These days, most psychologists are aligned with the theory that firstborn children usually try to please their parents and are looking to play a more dominant role in the family. As a result, their personalities are marked by conscientiousness, extroversion, neuroticism, and a more developed intellect. On the other hand, younger siblings are usually more flexible, free-thinking, social, and rebellious.
Again, though, the evidence to back up these claims are scant and not always consistent. For example, a 2015 study published in the Journal of Research in Personality found that oldest siblings tended to be more conscientious, outgoing, and generally agreeable than younger children. But the difference in personality traits between oldest and younger siblings were "infinitesimally small," according to study researchers.
Related: What Are the Big 5 Personality Traits?
Being an oldest child can impact mental health
According to Smith, in addition to personality, being an oldest child can impact a person’s mental health. “If too much responsibility is placed on the oldest sibling, then the child may feel like they did not have enough of a childhood because of what they were asked to do as an oldest sibling,” she explains. If the family lacks healthy boundaries, this can lead to mental health struggles like anxiety and depression in the older sibling, Smith says.
These potentially unhealthy boundaries can also impact relationships. This is especially true in families where the oldest sibling is significantly older than the younger sibling, and takes on huge responsibilities within the family—essentially taking on a parental or authoritative role.
The child may continue to view relationships as areas where they are an authority figure, which may create conflicts in future relationships during adulthood. “In healthy experiences, relationships with others can be caring and nurturing, but sometimes the tendency to need to be in control can manifest and lead the oldest child to be problematically rigid and not collaborative enough,” Smith describes.
Related: How Extroversion in Personality Influences Behavior
Practical Strategies for Managing Oldest Child Syndrome
Parenting an oldest child, or being one yourself, can come with challenges. But simply being aware of these potential difficulties means that you are willing to face them. It also shows that you are mindful of the impact that birth order can potentially have.
Our experts shared their best advice for how to navigate oldest child syndrome—for both parents and oldest children themselves.
For Parents
The good news is that parents can have a positive impact on the development and mental health of their oldest children. This can be accomplished by being intentional about what expectations and responsibilities you place on your oldest child, says Smith. “Ideally, the oldest child would be asked to be a role model as a sibling but not a caretaker in the sense of a parent/guardian,” she says.
Still, sometimes life circumstances necessitate an older sibling having to step in and fulfill more parent-like roles. “There is no inevitability that this has to be a ‘bad’ or ‘problematic’ arrangement,” Smith says. “It’s more about how it’s structured and working to show similar value for each family member.”
"Ideally, the oldest child would be asked to be a role model as a sibling but not a caretaker in the sense of a parent/guardian"
Brandy Smith, PhD
Leanza says that parents should generally be aware of the inadvertent messages that they are sending to their oldest children. “You may be pushing them so hard that your child may feel you only love them when they are 'being perfect,’” she says. Her advice is to strive for balance in your parenting and understand that each child is unique and has different needs.
“'One size fits all' doesn’t always translate to good parenting, so make sure to adjust your parenting style to fit your child’s personality and temperament,” Smith advises.
For Oldest Children
If you are currently an oldest child who is struggling, Smith suggests that you remind yourself that you are simply a sibling, not a parent, and you don’t have to be responsible for everything having to do with your younger siblings. “Remember that your younger siblings are their own people and will not always do what you think is best,” she says.
If you are an oldest child who is now a teen or adult, it can be helpful to reflect on how your family dynamics growing up may have affected your identity, Leanza suggests. You can ask yourself questions like:
Why do I feel the need to push myself to be perfect?
Why am I such a people pleaser?
What do I feel a need to control people or situations?
Why am I so competitive?
“Once you can understand the possible reasons why you do what you do, then you’ll be more aware that you are doing them and can work on changing those behaviors,” Leanza says.
Related: 11 Signs You Might Be an Overachiever
Where to Go From Here
Being an oldest child can certainly have its challenges, and if your role in your family made you feel intense pressure or an unhealthy drive toward perfection, you may experience mental health issues. Many of the difficulties that oldest children face are an inability to set healthy boundaries with others, says Smith. This is something that therapy can help with.
“Sometimes a person may think they know what healthy boundaries are but do not, so talking it out with respected others in one’s personal life and/or connecting with a mental health provider can allow both parents/caregivers and an oldest child to determine what may be possible and better,” Smith says.
Depending on your age and circumstances, this might look like individual therapy or family counseling. Either way, anyone who is struggling with oldest child syndrome shouldn’t hesitate to reach out for professional mental health help.
Read Next: What Does It Mean to Be the Family Scapegoat?
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
