Understanding Dismissive Behavior and Why It Happens
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Medically reviewed by Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD
Dismissive behavior involves brushing someone off, ignoring them, or being indifferent to them. It can be disrespectful, inconsiderate, or downright rude.
Being dismissed can leave you feeling unwanted and unimportant, like you don‘t matter, says Aimee Daramus, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist and author of “Understanding Bipolar Disorder.”
Dismissive behavior can take many forms. For example, you enter a party and greet someone, but they pretend not to notice. Or, you make a suggestion in a meeting and your colleague rolls their eyes.
This article explores some examples, characteristics, and causes of dismissive behavior, as well as some strategies that can help you cope with a dismissive person.
Examples of Dismissive Behavior
These are some examples of dismissive behavior, according to Dr. Daramus:
Not greeting you or acknowledging your presence
Showing no interest in what you’re saying
Interrupting you when you’re speaking
Habitually ignoring your calls or text messages
Brushing off your suggestions without considering them
Not answering your questions
Giving short, monosyllabic answers when prompted
Excluding you from a conversation
Asking everyone’s preference or opinion except yours
Pretending your concerns are not valid
Treating your contributions as insignificant
Devaluing your needs or wants
A dismissive person might be dismissive of only you, of specific types of people (people of a specific age, race, or gender, for example), or of all other people in general, says Dr. Daramus. For example, a 2022 study notes that younger, female, and non-White people were more likely to have their questions and concerns be dismissed.
How Does a Dismissive Person Act?
These are some of the actions of a dismissive person:
Sighing as though you're tiresome
Shrugging off your concerns
Smirking at your words
Rolling their eyes at your suggestions
Not making eye contact with you
Facing away from you during the interaction
Walking away from you while you're speaking to them
Related: What Is a Toxic Relationship?
What Are Dismissive Statements?
These are some examples of dismissive statements:
"Whatever."
"That doesn't really matter."
"I don't have time for this."
"I've heard it all before."
"That's not important, let's move on."
"That's a silly idea."
"It's not worth discussing."
“You’re overreacting.”
“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
Related: What Not to Say to Someone Who Is Depressed
What Are the Characteristics of a Dismissive Person?
These are some signs and characteristics of a dismissive person:
They’re judgmental: The person judges you on factors such as your appearance or social status. They find you lacking and proceed to dismiss you if you're not the same as them.
They don’t make you a priority: The person doesn’t make you a priority and treats you like you’re unimportant.
They always have to be right: The person ignores what you’re saying and doesn't think your concerns are valid. They think they know best and they always have to be right, no matter what.
They become defensive when confronted: The person becomes defensive and either makes excuses or attacks you if you point out their behavior.
They never apologize: The person doesn’t admit to any wrongdoing and never apologizes.
They don’t take you seriously: The person doesn’t take your suggestions, ideas, achievements, or feelings seriously.
They belittle you: The person mocks you or uses sarcasm to belittle you.
They minimize your feelings: Rather than acknowledging that your feelings are valid, the person tells you you’re overreacting or making a big deal out of nothing.
They withdraw from conflict: Rather than dealing with important issues and working them out, the person withdraws from the conflict, leaving you feeling upset and unheard.
“It‘s normal to not get your way sometimes, but people can still treat you like you matter. Dismissive behavior denies that your wants were ever valid,” Dr. Daramus explains.
What Makes People Dismissive?
These are some of the potential causes of dismissive behavior:
Learned behavior: If a person grew up in an environment where their caregivers or role models were dismissive, they may adopt similar behavior patterns as they grow older.
Attachment style: People who had unresponsive caregivers in childhood may have a dismissive avoidant attachment style. They may detach themselves from others and exhibit dismissive behavior as a defense mechanism, in order to reject others before they can be rejected.
Low self-esteem: Though it seems counterintuitive, people with low self-esteem may exhibit dismissive behavior as a way to protect their fragile sense of self. Dismissing others can help them maintain a sense of superiority over others.
Emotional trauma: People who have experienced emotional trauma, such as betrayal, abandonment, or rejection, may develop dismissive behavior as a way to distance themselves from others and protect themselves from further emotional pain.
Passive control: Some people use dismissive behavior to passively exert control over others, says Dr. Daramus. They maintain their dominance by withholding their attention and affection.
Conflict-avoidance: People who are conflict-avoidant may prefer to dismiss the issue than deal with it, says Dr. Daramus.
Poor anger management skills: Sometimes, someone might be dismissive of you because they‘re angry at you and don‘t have great anger management skills, Dr. Daramus explains.
Related: What Your Conflict Resolution Style Says About You and Is It Healthy?
How Do You Deal With a Dismissive Person?
These are some strategies that can help you deal with a dismissive person:
Bring it to their attention: If someone is behaving dismissively toward you, you can call out their behavior and bring it to their attention. If they were not aware they were doing it, they can start to be more mindful of it.
Tell them how you feel: Explain to the person how their actions are making you feel. For instance, you could say: “When you don’t respond to texts, it makes me feel like I’m not important to you.”
Assert yourself: If the person tends to dismiss your suggestions or preferences, Dr. Daramus says you might need to be more direct and assertive than usual. State your needs or opinions clearly, firmly, and respectfully.
Set boundaries: If the person’s behavior persists, Dr. Daramus says you may have to put boundaries in place, such as declining to spend time with them.
Seek support: If the person’s behavior often causes you to feel upset or overwhelmed, talk to loved ones about it or consider seeking support from a mental health professional.
