The Types and Signs of a Masochist
Plus, the differences between masochist vs. sadist
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Medically reviewed by Ivy Kwong, LMFT
While sadism and masochism are sometimes confused, they have different meanings. A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving pain, while a sadist is someone who enjoys inflicting it.
A masochistic person gains pleasure from experiencing various forms of pain. This can involve gaining sexual pleasure from pain or humiliation, but it can also refer to situations where people seek out or enjoy activities that create distress, discomfort, or pain.
Masochism is associated with BDSM, an acronym for sexual practices that involve bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. A sexual masochist experiences sexual pleasure in response to pain, denial, or humiliation. A sexual sadist, on the other hand, derives sexual pleasure from inflicting pain, denial, or humiliation.
However, masochism can also apply to more general and often less healthy behaviors. In such cases, a masochist might engage in actions or accept treatment from others that are hurtful, degrading, or physically or emotionally painful, causing the individual to feel anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, or other distressing feelings. Sadism is problematic when it occurs outside of a consensual relationship and crosses the line into sexual aggression or violence.
At a Glance
Masochism and sadism are two components of BDSM practices that involve receiving or giving pain to create feelings of pleasure. Both can be normal and healthy when practiced safely and consensually, but can be problematic if they lead to unhealthy behaviors or harm others. Keep reading to learn more about the differences between a masochist vs. a sadist. Also explore types of masochism that exist, potential causes, and how you can cope with being a masochist or sadist.
Masochist vs. Sadist
While 'sadist' and 'masochist' are often linked, they have different meanings.
A sadist is a person who derives pleasure, including sexual gratification, from inflicting pain or humiliation on others. In the context of BDSM, this is practiced with consent and shared interest. The term may also be used to refer to those who enjoy being cruel and hurtful.
A masochist, on the other hand, finds pleasure in experiencing denial, degradation, or physical pain.
Types of Masochism
While sexual masochism often comes to mind when people hear the term, other non-sexual forms of masochism exist.
The psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud described three types of masochism:
Erotic (sexual)
Feminine (psychological)
Moral
The first two would be described today as sexual masochism and psychological masochism. Other researchers have also suggested adding a fourth type known as adaptive masochism:
Sexual masochism: Freud referred to this type of masochism as erotic masochism. It involves finding sexual pleasure in experiencing pain.
Psychological masochism: This is a non-sexual type of masochism that involves deriving enjoyment from experiencing psychological pain. Such pain can be self-inflicted or caused by others.
Moral masochism: This is a form of masochism that involves invoking suffering to alleviate feelings of guilt. It can involve self-punishment and may represent a form of guilt complex, but it can also involve self-sacrificing, prosocial, or altruistic acts that benefit others.
Adaptive masochism: This type of masochism involves deriving pleasure from temporary periods of pain or discomfort that ultimately lead to some delayed gratification. For example, a person might save a favorite treat to enjoy later because they enjoy the agony of anticipation.
One 2018 systematic review found that masochism connected to gratification inhibition (i.e., adaptive masochism) was the healthiest type. What the study showed was that feeling conflicted about masochism, or experiencing guilt, shame, or sadness about finding pleasure in pain, was the least healthy and most distressing. Such conflicts were associated with characteristics of personality disorders and depression.
What Is Self-Defeating Personality Disorder?
During the 1980s, a condition known as self-defeating personality disorder, which was characterized by masochistic tendencies, was considered to be a potential addition to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. While sexual masochism disorder is categorized as a mental disorder, emotional masochism was ultimately not added to the DSM.
Types of Sadism
Some experts suggest that there are four main subtypes of sadism:
Spineless sadism: People with this type tend to be insecure, so exploiting weaker people allows them to feel superior.
Tyrannical sadism: People with this type enjoy using power to harm others.
Enforcing sadism: This type of sadist harms others out of a sense of moral superiority and enjoys inflicting pain on those who they think deserve punishment.
Explosive sadism: This type is characterized by high reactivity that leads to outbursts of anger.
Some research has found associations between sadism and Dark Triad traits.
How to Tell If Someone Is a Masochist
The only way to truly tell that someone is a masochist is if they tell you directly that it is something they enjoy. You might pick up on certain cues if you are their sexual partner, but the only way to know is if that person chooses to tell you.
When it comes to more general masochistic behavior, you might be able to spot signs that you or someone you know is a masochist.
Some potential indicators include:
Seeking out situations that involve self-sacrifice: Masochistic people may put themselves in situations where they have to put other people’s needs above their own, often to the point that they experience suffering.
Refusing to ask for help when dealing with painful or difficult situations: When faced with a difficult or painful situation, a masochist may opt to endure the pain rather than ask others to help or provide relief.
Getting involved in relationships with domineering or narcissistic people: Masochists may find themselves in relationships with people who are dominant or only interested in themselves. Their partners may humiliate, shame, manipulate, or neglect them, with or without consent.
Lack of assertiveness: Some masochists are accommodating to the point that they are submissive. When taken advantage of, some masochists rarely fight back or stand up for themselves. Other masochists have a clearer understanding of how their desires and needs may be met, and may practice assertiveness to have them fulfilled in a consensual and mutually enjoyable way.
Perfectionism: Perfectionistic people often hold themselves and others to an impossible standard. When they fail to meet these self-imposed expectations, they might take some pleasure in punishing themselves for their perceived failures.
Lack of self-care, small pleasures, and everyday joys: Self-denial is often a sign of masochism. A masochist might neglect their needs to the point of pain or take pleasure in denying themselves the things they love. They enjoy creating their own discomfort.
Negative self-talk: Constant self-criticism and negative self-talk can sometimes signify masochism. A masochist makes no effort to change or refute this self-inflicted, hurtful self-talk.
Self-sabotage: Masochists also tend to sabotage their own chances for success. While this is sometimes linked to a fear of success, some people may derive pleasure from their own defeat. When things are going too well, a masochistic person might find a way to sabotage themselves so they can experience feelings of disappointment or misery.
Related: Self-Sabotaging: Why Does It Happen
What Causes People to Be Masochists?
The exact causes of masochism are not entirely clear. Different types of masochism may have differing causes and more research is needed.
One theory about the source of masochistic tendencies may be traced to childhood. The roots of a masochistic or "self-defeating personality" may be a result of an early struggle of will between a developing child and parents determined to maintain control of the child at any cost.
Explainer
Parents who demand complete obedience and compliance do not allow room for a child to have their own needs, opinions, feelings, and desires. Love and acceptance are conditional, and when taken to an extreme, controlling parents may chastise, abuse, and humiliate the child, threatening abandonment or worse punishment if the child does not comply.
Raised in this environment, children may respond by holding onto their hurt and resentment, wishing to fight back against their parents but lacking the ability or power to do so. This desire for pain, punishment, or revenge may be redirected internally, with the child punishing themselves. A parent's controlling or critical behavior may become an internalized voice of a bullying and self-defeating inner critic telling the child that they deserve the treatment they are receiving.
As an adult, this can continue in a self-defeating way, or these impulses may be sexualized and expressed in the context of a consensual, communicative, and mutually respectful BDSM relationship.
Nonsexual Masochism
While sadism and masochism are distinct, some research has found that people enjoy hurting themselves or being hurt are also more likely to take pleasure in causing other people pain or discomfort.
Explainer
One 2020 study published in the Journal of Personality found a connection between non-sexual masochism and antisocial personality traits.
In this study, masochistic people enjoyed eating spicy food, receiving painful massages, and hearing disgusting jokes. Such individuals also exhibited high levels of antisocial traits, including what the researchers referred to as everyday sadism, subclinical psychopathy, and low levels of honesty and humility.
Sexual Masochism
Takeaway Large
While participation and interest in sexual masochism and BDSM practices have historically been linked to factors such as childhood trauma or unhealthy sexual fixation, research indicates that this is not the case.
One 2020 study found no such connection. Instead, researchers suggest that such interests represent a broadening of sexual interests, not a fixation.
Explainer
In a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, participants reported that they had an intrinsic interest in masochism and submission that they first experienced at an early age.
The study also found other factors that were associated with interest in masochism, which included:
Power exchange: Participants reported enjoying giving up power and being forced to be vulnerable.
Pain: Participants suggested that "good" pain could be pleasurable.
Altered consciousness: Some participants also reported that masochism allowed them to experience an altered state of meditative, relaxed consciousness, also referred to as "sub space."
Research on Pain
Pain researchers have investigated how masochistic people process and experience pain, suggesting that these findings may prove useful for assessing and treating pain. Research suggests that motivation, context, and emotion can impact how masochists process and perceive painful stimuli.
Coping With Masochistic Traits
Being a masochist isn’t always a negative thing, and a healthy sex life can include elements of masochism and sadism. Enjoying certain types of pain in specific contexts isn’t uncommon (such as gaining enjoyment from watching sad movies), and it can even be healthy (such as incorporating sexual masochism into a consensual and sex-positive relationship).
Explainer
But if masochistic or sadistic tendencies are causing harm, distress, or leading to potentially risky behavior, it is important to reach out for help and find effective ways to cope.
Talk to a Professional
If being a masochist creates problems, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. A therapist can help you understand why you might seek out pain.
Takeaway
Types of therapy that can be beneficial include dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), internal family systems therapy (IFS), and psychodynamic therapy. For sexual masochists or sadists, seeking out a kink-friendly therapist may be helpful.
Practice Relaxation Strategies
Look for ways to address any anxiety that might compel you to seek pleasure through masochism. Relaxation techniques that can be useful for managing stress and anxiety include:
Deal With Negative Emotions
Masochistic tendencies might more likely emerge when you struggle with negative feelings, such as feeling bad about yourself or helpless.
Finding ways to tolerate distress better and practicing emotional acceptance of negative emotions can be helpful.
Develop Health Coping Mechanisms
You might be more likely to turn to masochistic behaviors when you don't know how else to cope. Learning some more healthy coping mechanisms can give you alternatives that can be healthier and more productive.
Takeaway
Positive coping skills can include seeking social support, journaling, distracting yourself, exercising, meditating, listening to music, and cognitive reframing.
Takeaways
While the two terms are often connected, there are important distinctions between a masochist vs. sadist. Where a masochist enjoys receiving pain, a sadist enjoys giving it. Sometimes this can occur in the context of sexual enjoyment, but it can also involve experiencing or administering other forms of pain, humiliation, or deprivation.
Research suggests that both masochism and sadism can be part of a healthy sex life between consenting partners. However, such interests can become a problem if they lead to distress or functional impairment. If you think that being a masochist or sadist is affecting your life in negative ways, talk to a mental health professional about treatments and strategies that can help you cope.
Frequently Asked Questions
Is a masochist someone who likes pain?
Yes, masochism is a psychological tendency to find satisfaction and enjoyment in pain. This may lead people to actively or passively place themselves in situations where they are subjected to pain. This does not mean that they enjoy all pain, however.
Consent, context, and motivational factors can all play a part in how and when people find enjoyment in physical, sexual, or emotional pain.
For people who enjoy sexual masochism, this can be part of a healthy and fulfilling sex life when it occurs in the context of a safe and consenting relationship. In instances where it leads people to place themselves in emotionally, physically, or sexually risky situations, it can be destructive or even dangerous.
Is masochism a mental disorder?
In some cases, sexual masochism can meet the diagnostic criteria for a paraphilic disorder if it causes significant distress and functional impairment. Sexual masochism disorder is a paraphilic disorder that involves urges, fantasies, or behaviors related to being abused, beaten, bound, humiliated, or otherwise harmed to gain sexual satisfaction. Such urges or behaviors lead to distress and potentially harm oneself or others.
However, it is important to note that it is a common fantasy, and kinks can be a healthy and normal form of sexual expression. According to some research, up to 70% of people experience BDSM fantasies, while 20% participate in them.
Sexual masochism is only considered a disorder if it is creating distress or harm. If not, then it is considered a type of sexual interest.
Is being a sadist a mental disorder?
Just as being a masochist can sometimes represent a disorder, sexual sadism can also sometimes meet the diagnostic criteria for a mental health condition. Sexual sadism disorder is a paraphilic condition where inflicting pain or humiliation for sexual purposes creates distress, impairment, or is forced upon a nonconsenting person. The condition can also involve debilitating sexually sadistic fantasies that have not been acted on.
Read Next: Why You Have Sexual Fantasies and What They Mean
Read the original article on Verywell Mind.
