Is Two Weddings the New Two Wedding Dresses?

From Town & Country

For many couples, their wedding day is one of the best days of their lives. But in the year 2019, it would seem that a wedding may not be just one joyful occasion—but two. Increasingly, celebrities and social fixtures alike are opting to have more than one wedding.

Karlie Kloss and Jared Kushner had an intimate ceremony in upstate New York in October 2018, followed by a more casual, larger fete out west in June. Charlotte Casiraghi and Dimitri Rassam had a large traditional wedding worthy of Monaghesque royalty, was followed by a lower-key celebration a few weeks later; Sophie Turner and Joe Jonas got married in Las Vegas before a huge weekend-long bash in the South of France (with a traditional ceremony) in early July. Just this weekend, model Heidi Klum and musician Tom Kaulitz married in a ceremony on a yacht in Capri, Italy, following a lower-key celebration in California last February.

Which begs the question: if you don't celebrate your marriage twice, did you get married at all?

Just when we had come to accept that brides now regularly wear two wedding dresses (one for the vows, and another to boogie the night away at the reception), the ante has officially been upped. In order to truly distinguish the tone of your ceremony and your reception, it would seem that they require two distinct occasions (and two dresses, of course).

All jokes aside, with all of the planning, logistics, and, yes, money that go into putting on a wedding, why would any couple decided to double up? Turns out, there are a few reasons. Town & Country talked to A-list event planners Bryan Rafanelli, Jung Lee, and Bronson Van Wyck to get the scoop.

A Way to (Safely) Break Tradition

So how did dual wedding celebrations come about? Bryan Rafanelli, founder and CCO of Rafanelli Events explains that it's a reflection of the fact that couples are more comfortable now with breaking with tradition. They want a wedding that reflects their personal interests as much as their shared relationship. "We had a couple who were major cyclists, so after their more traditional wedding celebration they donned spandex cycling clothes and toured the city with their cycling club and any guests who wanted to join in," says Rafanelli. "Then, the following evening they held a traditional wedding reception complete with orchestra, a seated dinner and dancing. It reflected exactly who they were, and it was perfect."

According to Van Wyck, the point of more than one celebration is that you are separating yourself from the formal structure of a traditional wedding. "If you are going to do it, do it," he says. "Don't have the evening regimented by protocol with a three-course meal and choreographed dances—you can do that if you really want to, but it would be a shame to fall back on conventionality in that way. If that is really what you want, what is the point of doing two?"

The Stress of Planning 2 Weddings Is Far Less Than the Stress of Deciding on Only One Kind of Wedding

This follows a now-familiar pattern: one ceremony is traditional and the other one is more personal. Jung Lee, the co-founder of Fete, explains that for many couples two celebrations means that they don't have to choose between having a big or small wedding, nor do they have to stick to a strictly traditional run of show.

Instead they can fulfill family obligations, while still honoring their own whims and perhaps quirkier wedding dreams—in not having to choose between the two, a certain amount of stress is resolved.

The couple can get married and have a smaller ceremony and celebration, perhaps for religious reasons, and the second wedding is more to share with other people, she explains. "For people who want to have a second wedding, it is so much more about their guests having a good time, and coming together, and being with them. It's not about having a spotlight, like, 'This is my princess fairy moment, and it's all about me for the next eight hours.' More of than not it's 'I just want my friends and family to have a real good time, and my wedding is going to be the reason.'"

Want to get married in winter but party in summer? No need to choose. A nuptial run of show no longer has to happen in one fell swoop, but can happen a few months apart, as was the case with Josh Kushner and Karlie Kloss' intimate ceremony in upstate New York last fall, and their larger and more irreverent party out west this summer.

"Things are more flexible now, the formulated, regulated system has collapsed," says Van Wyck. "People can now do things that are more logistically convenient, which might mean, the small intimate wedding first and the larger, celebratory party later."

Instagram Made Them Do It

One big factor in the rise of the dual wedding is Instagram, according to Bronson Van Wyck of Van Wyck & Van Wyck environmental design and event production. "In this Instagram age where everything is so immediately accessible, people want to recognize there is a private, sacred and intimate part of a wedding, and to respect that. In designating two separate weddings, this is a way to ensure that one piece is kept intimate," he says.

By having two celebrations, you are separating a profound, emotional occasion (the ceremony) from the more prosaic (and perhaps more profane) act of giving a big party. And further, the more sedate and traditional celebration can be kept off of social media if the couple so chooses.

Finally, Mind the Guest List.

Double the weddings? Double the invitation list minefields. The ultimate two-wedding faux pas is not inviting people who were at the first celebration to the second one. "A wedding is a coming together of two families, and you need to be very diplomatic and have a carefully thought out communication strategy if you are not including people in the first," says Van Wyck. "Even if the second party is meant to be something else—maybe it is more about your friends, is a younger group, etc.—it important to keep those closest to you included."

All of which to say, double the trouble and double the fun.

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