I tried 8 dark chocolate bars and the winner had me cuckoo for cocoa

We can all agree that dark chocolate is a health food, right? So I went into this week’s taste test with eight bars sitting in front of me and treated them as if they were salads. At the very least, it helped to justify the tummy ache I experienced afterwards because I did a whole lot more than “testing” — indulging would make the most sense here.

Speaking of indulging, I recently overdid it at Bon Vivants, the self-proclaimed “first true cocktail bar” in Nassau, Bahamas. This charming haunt offered an impressive array of craft beverages that I may or may not have guzzled in excess and may or may not have tasted again the next morning. But one libation that *really* made an impression was a specialty hot chocolate that incorporated a rich dark chocolate ganache into its recipe. To say that it was simply good would do it a disservice — it was downright decadent.

With the sweet treat on my mind, I reached out to managing director Kyle Jones for his philosophy on all things dark chocolate. It turns out that he’s unsurprisingly an expert after masterfully integrating the ingredient into drinks like the espresso martini or even the old fashioned. (“It just adds that universally loved and recognizable flavor without overpowering a drink with a super sweet imitation chocolate liqueur,” he says.)

But I wanted to get his take on what to look for if I, like any typical consumer, am simply standing in a grocery store candy or baking section and not sure where to begin.

“A good dark chocolate should contain a high percentage of cocoa content while having a very short list of other ingredients,” he advises. “If you see cocoa butter on the list of ingredients, you’re on the right track. But there really shouldn’t be many other oil or flavor additives.”

“Good dark chocolate,” at least in the U.S., is a luxury with mass market brands providing, well, mass-market flavors. So I grabbed eight of the most popular bars I could find to conduct the ultimate showdown. And to keep flavors consistent, I opted for cacao content around 70%. Check out how these bars stacked up below.

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8. Hershey’s Special Dark Chocolate

I couldn’t quite put my finger on the flavor profile of Hershey’s unique take on dark chocolate, but it did remind me of … coconut? I know what you’re probably thinking: “WTF?” But break off a piece of this bar and tell me it doesn’t taste like it washed ashore on some tropical island and disguised itself as the furry fruit. Eating this was nothing short of bizarre (not special, as advertised) and nothing short of disappointing. And while I did appreciate its creaminess and obvious nod to milk chocolate, it was a hard pass and definitely something I gifted to an easy-to-please neighbor.

7. Green and Black's Organic 70% Cacao Dark Chocolate

This was bitter, Betty. It did possess an initial smoothness that made it quite palatable and delicious, but the aftertaste left a not-so-wonderful lasting impression of distinct sharpness. If I wanted to get my antioxidants through something unappetizing like plain broccoli, I would have steamed a bag in the microwave. But antioxidant-heavy dark chocolate needs to taste like it isn’t healthy and this wasn’t the one for me, unfortunately.

6. Ghirardelli Intense Dark 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate

While Ghirardelli was quite tasty and boasted an almost cooling, menthol sensation with every bite, it did have an unusually gritty texture that dried my mouth and crumbled like sandpaper. So unless you plan to take this to the beach and pretend like you’re a mermaid enjoying dessert, it’s not going to be on the list of must-haves in most pantries.

5.  Tony’s Chocolonely Dark Chocolate 70%

Here is where things took a turn for the better. Tony’s Chocolonely may be known for its more unique chocolate blends like white raspberry popping candy and dark milk pretzel toffee, but its standard dark chocolate bar gets two very enthusiastic thumbs up. My only gripe was that this oversized confection was quite the mouthful … almost painful to eat. If you possess an expensive set of veneers, steer clear — one is bound to get chipped or pop off.

4.  Cadbury Royal Dark Chocolate

I admittedly don’t love U.S.-based Cadbury (it’s better across the pond), but this was exceptionally creamy and a far departure from some of the stateside atrocities we are subjected to around Easter. So now I know to ask the Easter Bunny for dark chocolate instead of booking my trans-Atlantic flight to stock up on a year’s supply of the good stuff. (I’m not even kidding.)

3.  Lindt 70% Cocoa Dark Chocolate

Rich and roasted, yet light and velvety, Lindt provided a harmonious balance of textures and flavors that earned it a bronze medal. And while I’ll forever think of belly button lint when I hear the brand’s name, this was far from something you’d find lodged in your navel.

2. Hu’s Kitchen Simple Dark Chocolate

When it came to overall purity, Hu’s Kitchen took gold. This tasted the healthiest of the bunch, but not in a “did I actually just take a shot of wheatgrass?” kind of way. Instead, it made you appreciate the nuances of dark chocolate and how, despite its limited use of cream and sugar, can still satisfy a sudden and random desire for dessert. Trust me — you’ll want this on standby 24/7.

1. Godiva Signature 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate

As a former Godiva employee in high school, I *promise* that I didn’t go into this taste test thinking it would come out on top. In fact, I am utterly obsessed with the brand’s milk chocolate and still placed it fourth. But this bar won in taste by a long shot, which was quite shocking for me because I always gravitated towards the brand’s other products. It was smooth, bold, not too sweet, and something you could eat an entire bar of without feeling like it would sit in your stomach like a brick. Needless to say, I’m kind of surprised, shook, gagged, gooped, or whatever the kids are saying these days so I can sound cool and relevant and not like someone who has started putting Metamucil in his morning oatmeal.

This article was originally published on TODAY.com