Toyota Classic, Audi 1000S, Blue Bird Bus: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online
Folks, it’s a Friday once again. In fact, it’s my last day seeing you all for some time — I’m spending much of next week out in Vegas, bopping around on a shiny new middleweight adventure bike. It’ll be a welcome change from here, where I bop around on a decade-old middleweight adventure bike. I have broad tastes in motor vehicles, I swear.
In fact, I can prove it. I can run down a list of vehicles from all walks of life, with all manner of styles and functions and numbers of wheels, and think each and every one is neat — or, at the very least, worth including in this week’s installment of the internet’s Dopest Cars.
1996 Toyota Classic - $22,900
How often do you think about the Toyota Classic? The average person would likely say “What the hell is a Toyota Classic?” but this is Jalopnik. Here, we know about weird cars that other folks don’t. I’m willing to bet you think about it at least twice a year.
What if you could think about it every time you needed groceries, though? Wouldn’t that be better? Don’t you want to think about a Toyota that was built to be modern, but look retro, yet is now itself the same age as three Jalopnik staffers?
1994 Ford F700 Bucket Truck - $7,500
According to the seller of this bucket truck, you can just buy it and drive it without a CDL. Can you imagine the power? Nothing would be beyond your reach, either physically or metaphorically. Throw on a pair of coveralls and a high-viz vest and you could drive this thing straight into Fort Knox.
You should probably double-check the CDL thing before purchase, just in case. And maybe add some covered storage before the Fort Knox thing. You gotta hide that bullion for the trip out.
1988 Dodge W150 - $4,000
I love this ad. Horrible photo of a rusted-out old truck, seller claiming they don’t need to sell and bragging about the low mileage, photos that seem to have been taken months apart — it’s gold. I want for nothing here.
If you’re handy with a welder, you could probably patch this Dodge up in no time. You may want to add some paint to the equation, for visual cohesion, but I’m neither a professional mechanic nor a designer. Follow your heart.
2007 Pontiac Solstice GXP - $19,500
My fellow Americans. Yeah, all of you, why not. There are a lot of problems in this world, and we’ve pretty firmly committed to fixing none of them. I think the people of this great nation are due at least one solve: Bring back the Solstice GXP and Sky Redline.
Sure, there are plenty of other things within our government’s power, but those aren’t going to happen. This is at least sorta feasible — it even involves giving money to a defense contractor! Your favorite! If elected, I promise a turbocharged convertible in every driveway.
2016 Honda CB300F - $3,750
If you’re looking to get into bikes, look no further. Honda’s naked 300s are lightweight, comfortable, and just big enough to feel like a real motorcycle — without ever being difficult to park or lug around a garage.
You can tell this CB’s actually been used from the fairing. Every motorcycle that I’ve owned for any real miles has had a windscreen added on, and this Honda follows in that comfort-adding pattern. Motorcyclists, add windshields to your bikes. The highway comfort is worth the looks when you’re stopped.
1962 Auto Union 1000s - $7,000
Bright pink classic Audi-ish two-door with a white roof and wraparound rear window. For seven grand. When slotting bills into your computer’s DVD drive, please ensure they’re not crinkled and that they sit face up.
If you’re not already sold, I don’t know what to tell you. Find your nearest mountain, tall hill, or cliff face, and just sit at the peak and stare out onto the world below you. Appreciate its beauty. Reconnect with your inner child. Then come back here and start shoving money in your computer for this car.
1975 Pontiac Firebird Trans Am - $36,500
Recently, I’ve been consumed by want for classic American muscle. Trans Ams, K5s, and Broncos of the ’60s and ’70s call to me like sirens, waiting for me to dash my head on the carbureted rocks below so that they may consume my flesh for sustenance.
This Trans Am will, probably, not eat you. I’m not guaranteeing that, because there’s no way I can back up a guarantee like that to our legal department, but I’m willing to bet that ownership of this car will involve no dashing of heads on rocks. Probably. Let me know how it goes.
1973 BMW R60/5 - $4,500
Longtime readers know about my deep desire for a BMW R60, after reading Elspeth Beard’s Lone Rider at a formative age (two years ago). This one is more style symbol than proto-ADV tourer, but I can fix that. I’ve got tools and a RevZilla account.
I do have to wonder the point of putting a sprung seat on a bike with rear suspension. If you’ve got a hardtail bobber, that’s one thing, but this R60 clearly has a set of springs and shocks out back. What’s the plan with the springs on the seat, there, bud?
1985 Pontiac Fiero - $3,800
This Fiero is a fantastic example of how automotive design has changed over the past four decades. See, in the ad, these tires are referred to as “low profile.” Look at these tires, then any modern performance crossover, and tell me these are low profile.
The lowest profile tire that came stock on an ‘85 Fiero was a 60 section. Now, tire sizes are dumb, but that 60-section tire comes out to a sidewall height of 129 millimeters — just over five inches. That’s an offroad tire in today’s market.
2006 Volkswagen GTI - $2,600
You need a project car. Summer is just about here, and how are you going to spend it? At the beach, with your friends, drinking a crisp refreshing beer as the sun descends into the waves? Hell no. You need to be in the garage, hunched over some broken Volkswagen every sweltering summer evening.
This broken Volkswagen, specifically. It’s a GTI with, according to the seller, approximately nothing mechanically intact. The fuel pressure is bad, the fuel itself is leaking, it can’t hit redline, the clutch won’t let the transmission go into gear, and the exhaust is rusted through. Also, it’s lowered, but only in front. Have fun!
1999 Isuzu Vehicross - $4,900
What’s better than a Vehicross? Almost nothing, but I can name one thing from the list: A Vehicross with a fresh engine. This seller of this Isuzu claims it got a new engine five years ago, and that it hasn’t yet hit 30,000 miles since.
That, my friends, is a recipe for reliability. Reliability packaged in a two-door SUV with ride height to spare and more glass than the Hubble. Plus, that face.
1979 Ford F250 - $72,500
I have to wonder what the market looks like for $72,500 restored pickup trucks. A restomod here I could actually kind of understand — someone wants King Ranch amenities with classic styling — but these old trucks weren’t built for luxury.
Is this F250 more comfortable than other trucks at this price? Is it more practical? Are there really people willing to may this much — not only in money, but in the opportunity cost of what better-featured trucks that money could’ve bought them — to have this kind of retro style?
2021 Honda CRF300L - $5,500
Every day, the devil on my shoulder grows stronger. She comes in my weakest moments, perching beside my neck to whisper in my ear, “You should just get a dual sport. You want to sell your adventure bike and buy a dual sport. If there’s one thing that you need, as a resident of Brooklyn, New York — a city famed for its plethora of offroad trails and BLM land — it’s a dual sport motorcycle.”
Thus far, I have resisted her temptations. I am able to turn away, to listen in to the angel on the other shoulder who says that I should just keep the motorcycle I already own, but that devil never goes away. Someday, she may yet get me onto a CRF like this one. Buy it so I can’t.
1997 Blue Bird Q-Bus - $8,500
Well Vince was a loner, lovable stoner ah-ah
He lived in a Bluebird, spelled his name backward ah-ah
I’ve always assumed this line was about an old Nissan, but maybe Vince was living way larger than we ever thought. Maybe he had a bus. Maybe you should have a bus.
2003 Hummer H2 - $4,500
I love to see the decay of vehicles that were once great and respected. This H2, with its paint and doors, would likely have been the darling of car shows in its time — a force with which one might reckon. Now, though, it’s a shadow.
Rust on the undercarriage, wiring sticking out from the ceiling. The seats are torn, the carped is ripped, and the radio is haphazardly stuffed into a too-large slot without a DIN adapter. How the mighty have fallen.
