How Late Is Too Late To Show Up To A Party?

How to know when it’s better to not attend at all.

Despite the fact that the practice of being punctual is one of the most resolute lessons of etiquette, there seems to be much debate and deviation when it comes to showing up to a party. Instead, whether to show up early, on time, or “fashionably late” is often decided based on the person attending and the event in question. We all have that painstakingly prompt family member, as well as the reliably late friend. Really, the most accurate timing falls somewhere in the middle.

For example, though many people think that showing up early is preferred at all times—from doctor appointments to dinner parties—that’s actually not true. While not outright rude, it can put unnecessary pressure on the host who might be still finalizing every detail, or leave yourself feeling a bit awkward. Of course, it’s best to aim for around the start of the dinner party, birthday celebration, cookout, or holiday soirée rather than early or late. But how late is too late to show up?

Being slightly, or “fashionably,” late has almost become an established norm of party etiquette that’s to be expected by a majority of your guests, regardless that it ignores the principle of being on time. In many ways, it seems preferred to be on time or a few minutes late than arriving too early, but there is certainly a limit on being late that not everyone observes.

If you’re running late due to circumstances both in or out of your control, here is what to consider before showing up, or not going at all.

For Dinner Parties and Small Group Gatherings

Etiquette experts at The Emily Post Institute state, “In general guests should arrive at or shortly after (fifteen minutes or less) the time stated on the invitation…If you will be seriously late, call your host with an ETA, so she won't worry.” Just like with other appointments and reservations, a 15-minute grace period is acceptable for issues that may arise, or for the characteristically tardy friend. However, if it is looking like you will be over 15 minutes late, always let your host know via phone call or text. As soon as you know an ETA, communicate it.

Additionally, if you are going to be late, give the host permission to proceed without you. If you are anticipating being an hour late or more, it might be better to forgo the event altogether, particularly when it is going to be a seated gathering. Simply ask the host if it’s better if you don’t come at all, and odds are they will thank you for being honest and taking responsibility.

Examples of these types of events are dinner parties, showers, luncheons, smaller cocktail parties, holiday meals, and other intimate group gatherings.

For Big or Casual Parties

Often, these are expected to be less formal than dinner parties, and it is okay to decide what time to stop by. Just make sure to greet and thank your host upon arrival and departure. If the time period of the event runs multiple hours or all day, it is always helpful to let your host know a tentative ETA and try your best to stick to it. Being tardy isn’t overly impolite, but the later you arrive, the more you risk missing the people you’d like to see and speak to. A good rule of thumb is to arrive within the hour of the start time, and avoid waiting until the end to make an appearance.

Examples of these types of events are tailgates, parties of 100 guests or more (excluding weddings and funerals), or ticketed occasions.

For Weddings

While etiquette has become more relaxed than it used to be, don’t mess with weddings, especially in the South. It is never acceptable to be late to a wedding. If late to the ceremony, expect to be turned away at the door, and wait to attend the cocktail hour and reception. If late to the reception, particularly a seated dinner reception, it’s seen as the utmost etiquette no-no, and it’s often better to not attend at all rather than arrive in the middle of service. Send an apology card!

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