Tina Knowles's 27 Best Corny Jokes

From Cosmopolitan

Tina Knowles Lawson is many things-businesswoman, fashion designer, mother of Beyoncé and Solange, grandmother of Blue, Rumi, and Sir. But she is also a comedian, which you know if you follow her on Instagram. In between glamorous photos of her vacations to the South of France and adorable shots of herself with her husband, Richard Lawson, Ms. Tina loves to post pictures of herself telling extremely corny jokes. There are so many of these jokes that she's actually told more than one of them more than once, but that doesn't matter because she's a comedic genius. Here, a roundup of her absolute best corny jokes.

1. There's definitely something fishy going on here.

While Tina did not officially label this as a corny joke, a deep perusal of her Instagram history shows that this post from May 2016 appears to be the first time she told a corny joke on camera. You'll also see that she's still working up to a the full joke format; this is really just a pun followed by a shot of some ridiculously huge koi.

2. Have you been drinking?

On May 20, 2016, Ms. Tina posted her first corny joke. It's certainly not her best, but you can tell that she's got a great concept on her hands.

3. Snow balls.

On Aug. 10, Ms. Tina hit her stride, posting one that was (1) the first truly funny installment of the corny joke series and (2) kind of dirty, by her standards.

4. Impotent/important.

This joke only works because Ms. Tina's Southern accent is so good. Imagine Jay-Z trying this with his native New Yorker accent. Oh, what's that? You can't? Exactly.

5. Jalapeño business.

It's possible I only like this one because I've been making this same joke at bar trivia for six years.

6. A prescription for arsenic.

By February 2017, Ms. Tina had progressed to telling jokes about husband-killing. I'm not saying that this is bad or good; I'm just saying that it happened. I believe this is what they call "the evolution of comedy."

7. Too many cheetahs.

TOO MANY CHEETAHS. Get it?

8. The cemetery fence.

OK, this joke is not good, but it belongs on this list for two reasons: (1) It's the first of many times Ms. Tina's husband Richard Lawson appears to provide commentary and (2) the way she says "it's funny" at him is perfect.

9. A fake noodle.

This woman is a genius.

10. The first mention of Beyoncé.

The joke in this one (it's about a toilet) isn't great, but the video must be included for context and the mention of Beyoncé. As true Ms. Tina corny joke stans know, she often wears the same outfit multiple days in a row and seems to film the jokes in the same place. This is because she films several at once, and in this video, she explains that she does this when the light is good. "When you get my age, you gotta find your light," she says. Spoken like a true influencer!

11. In a jam.

Sheer perfection.

12. I'll go on a head.

Yeah, she's using props now. Eat your heart out, Saturday Night Live.

13. Because of his coffin.

This joke is great on its own, but the fact that she coughs to illustrate her point really takes it to the next level.

14. Fancy watermelon weddings.

The pan to the watermelon is Oscar-worthy.

15. Pasta-tute.

Ms. Tina loves a pasta pun.

16. Crushed nuts.

Ms. Tina doesn't always make dirty jokes, but when she does, they usually involve balls.

17. Gotcha!

Well she did, didn't she?

18. "You found the light."

This one is notable because you can actually hear Beyoncé in the background, yelling at her mom about the aforementioned light. Beyoncé is Beyoncé, but she's also a human with a mom who does embarrassing stuff like post corny jokes on Instagram. It's crazy!

19. He only comes once a year.

A solid, mildly dirty Christmas effort.

20. Another jam joke.

Richard's face says it all.

21. Taking the bus.

I just love that the whole punchline of this joke is having a commercial driver's license.

22. If you don't love this joke, then blame it on Richard.

Richard is a great Instagram husband.

23. Fast food.

A French joke for a French vacation.

24. A literal corn joke.

It had to happen at least once.

25. A shit zoo.

She's kind of cursing, but not really. Ms. Tina is nothing if not polite.

26. Beyoncé's Obama joke.

Ms. Tina claims that Beyoncé is the person who wrote this Obama knock-knock joke, but it doesn't matter if that's true or not because either way you get to hear Bey groaning at her mother's corniness.

27. The classic 'P' joke.

No corny joke list is complete without the classic missing "P" alphabet groaner, so thank goodness Ms. Tina finally got around to this one two years into her project. May her joke-telling bring us joy forever.

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