The Timeline of 'The Holiday' Makes Zero Sense
Fight it if you want to but facts are facts: The Holiday is one of *the* best Christmas movies. And it's also a well-known fact that the fewer questions you ask while watching Christmas movies, the better. Because they rarely make any logical sense.
But. BUT!
Watching The Holiday for roughly the 11th time this weekend, I couldn't help but realize something. The timeline in this movie makes absolutely no sense. At all.
I'm sorry, but in the name of journalism, I had to break down the major timing issues in this holiday classic.
FRIDAY, DEC 22?
Iris's boss: Now, we're not officially closed, as you very well know. But we are going to try and get by this week with a smaller-than-normal staff.
Iris (Kate Winslet) works at a busy major newspaper, and it's closing for Christmas!? Um, sorry, but the news never sleeps. However, if we want to assume this is true, we have to believe this is happening at the last possible moment, right? It must be the Friday before Christmas at the earliest, right? In 2006, the year The Holiday was released, this would have been Friday, Dec 22.
Oh and here's a handy calendar. Trust me this will come in useful later. (By which I mean you will realize that looking at this calendar is totally pointless.)
EARLY DECEMBER / LATE NOVEMBER
Amanda: And make "Christmas Day" twice as big... but try it in a red. Like a happy red, not like a Scorsese red.
Wait, so they're working on the trailer for a movie that comes out on Christmas Day, on Friday, Dec 22? I mean this seems quite late. More likely this would happen in early December, surely? At the latest.
Anyway, for argument's sake, let's stick with Friday, Dec 22...
Amanda (Cameron Diaz) Googles 'vacation spots,' and starts chatting to Iris and the wheels are in motion.
SATURDAY, DEC 23
So, both women are on a plane by 11am the following morning, with Iris landing in LA earlier that morning, PST, and Amanda landing in London on Saturday night, GMT.
Graham, played with perfection by Jude Law, has been out drinking on Saturday and lands on Amanda's door at 1am.
Over in LA, it's 6pm and Iris's jet lag is catching up with her, so she goes to sleep.
SUNDAY, DEC 24 (CHRISTMAS EVE)
Wait, no… it's not Christmas Eve yet, so scrap every date mentioned so far. Iris's boss must be the chillest newspaper editor ever, letting the paper close roughly a week before actual Christmas Day.
A RANDOM DAY NEAR CHRISTMAS!?
Graham has stayed over but Amanda still has her sights set on returning to LA. Yes, not even sex with Jude Law could keep her here.
Except WAIT, she changes her mind at the airport and heads to the pub to meet Graham. She gets hammered, he stays over. All of the drunken LOLs.
THE NEXT DAY
Yes, it's THAT scene. Lunch at a country house, frolics through the hotel garden, etc. Oh and the moment that was the catalyst for this whole feature, in which Amanda says things are getting too serious as Graham drops her home:
Amanda: Graham, l'm leaving in nine days. And that makes this complicated. And l'm not sure I can handle complicated right now.
OK, but wait. Later, she makes it very clear she wasn't originally even going to stay until New Year's Eve. And 9 days back from the Dec 30 makes today THE 21ST OF DECEMBER. At the latest.
THURSDAY, DEC 21 (?) continued:
Meanwhile, Iris is throwing a Hanukkah party. Hanukkah changes every year, but is usually mid-December. In 2006, when the movie was made, it started on Friday, 15th December and ended in the evening of Saturday, Dec 23. So this just about makes sense.
Later that night, Amanda realizes she's been a FOOL. Who cares if she is leaving in 9 days, because time is clearly just a vague concept in this movie, so get your butt round to Graham's.
Mr Napkinhead, etc ensues. Amanda presumably goes home, because she says "maybe another time" to Sophie's sleepover suggestion.
FRIDAY, DEC 22
Iris goes round to elderly screenwriter Arthur's house and tries to persuade him that he should do his 'An Evening With…' event. She has the awkward phone chat with Graham and Amanda where Graham gets cut off. At this point both stories are still running at the same time, simultaneously.
Then Miles (Jack Black) calls, asking what Iris is up to on Christmas Eve. So, is tonight Christmas Eve? I thought it was the 22nd? Who knows.
SOME TIME LATER / POSSIBLY THE SAME DAY / WHO EVEN NEEDS WATCHES OR CALENDARS?
Miles and Iris are in Blockbuster picking out some new movies.
Miles sees his actress girlfriend Maggie cheating on him. Sadness. They return to Iris/Amanda's house.
Miles: I'm making you some fettuccine. It is Christmas Eve, and we are going to sit out on that patio... gonna make ourselves a little fire, pop some bubbly... and we are gonna celebrate being young and being alive. You with me, Simpkins?
Oh okay, so NOW it's Christmas Eve. For sure.
CHRISTMAS EVE
Cut to Amanda and Graham post-sex.
So wait, has Graham left his children home alone on Christmas Eve to have sex with some American woman he met a few days ago? GRAHAM WTF?
Amanda: Or maybe we should just... realize that what we've had these past few weeks has been perfect.
WEEKS? Wait, how long have you been in the UK for?
Amanda: Maybe the fact that l'm leaving in 8 hours...
OK, now I really have no idea what's going on. I thought you were leaving in 9 days? So you landed on the 16th? And you are leaving on Christmas Day?! Who does that?
A DAY THAT HAPPENED SOME TIME BETWEEN CHRISTMAS EVE AND NEW YEAR'S EVE
Who knows when this is. All I know is that Miles and Iris are getting sushi and Arthur's event is tonight. Because it's super easy to get the biggest names in Hollywood together between Christmas and New Year for an event that has been organised in roughly four days?
Or is it four weeks? I couldn't tell you at this point.
Is this Christmas Day? What even is Christmas Day, really?
Jasper turns up to see Iris. Appears to have left his fiancé the minute he'd shovelled some Christmas Day turkey in his mouth so he could make the 12 hour flight.
Meanwhile, Amanda is leaving to fly home from London to LA, possibly on Christmas Day. Except she doesn't, because she cries and runs back into Jude Law's arms.
NEW YEAR'S EVE
Everyone is together. I can't tell you when or how, but I have my sneaking suspicions this party is in fact taking place in some kind of space time continuum.
Still, what a movie.
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