The Time I Thought I Invented Smoothies

ExtraCrispy Staff
Updated
Every few years I make a personal pledge to maintain better health. In the old days this usually followed a week-long bender of mammoth proportions. Now...

Yields: 1 smoothie

Total time: 40 minutes

Ingredients

  • A lot of blueberries

  • 1 apple

  • 1 pear

  • 1 banana

  • Grapes, but only if absolutely certain they are seedless

  • 1 packet of unsweetened black cherry Kool-Aid

  • Black Sharpie

Directions

  1. Core the apple and pear swiftly.

  2. Remove banana from skin using the squeeze-and-squirt method (patent pending).

  3. Place all fruit in a colander in a sink beneath running faucet for 5 to 40 minutes, depending on video game involvement.

  4. Place fruit in a blender.

  5. Add packet of dry Kool-Aid to darken.

  6. Run blender for 5 to 40 minutes (see above).

  7. Label container with Sharpie.

  8. Fill container with blended fruit.

  9. Sleep late, drink breakfast, play video games.