Therapist's Reel Tries to Explain Postpartum Math—And Yes, We're Confused, Too

It's not your math skills—these numbers don't add up.

Fact checked by Sarah Scott

If you’ve been scrolling social media lately, you know there’s a sort of funny and somewhat controversial trend about the equations women do in their heads. You know, stuff society tells us is important, like picking a day to wash your hair based on your plans. Or even more relatable for us parents, there's the reel about mom math in order to get out of the house in time.

Kate McReynolds, the therapist behind the Instagram account @the.mom.therapist, recently posted a new riff on the trend. It’s called postpartum math, and you don’t need to be a calculus whizz (McReynolds admits she’s not) to see that society and systems are totally failing parents.

“Spoiler Alert: it doesn’t make any sense,” McReynolds says.

No, it doesn’t.

Postpartum Math Lowlights

I’ve never been a huge fan of math, but postpartum math has me more frustrated than I ever felt attempting to use a protractor (geometry was not my jam). So, let’s make this assignment a team effort. Join me as we crunch some numbers.

Here are some of the things McReynolds feels don’t add up:

·     You get 10 to 15 appointments during a 40-week pregnancy. Postpartum? You get one or two in the same span.

·     During one of those postpartum appointments, you may be told “sexy time” is all good starting at six weeks. However, the internal healing process can take 12 weeks. McReynolds doesn’t mention this—and to each their own—but the lack of sleep and life transition may leave you feeling anything but in the mood for sex.

·     Productivity is supposed to go up even as hours of sleep decrease.

Productivity and getting back to work are top priorities in the U.S., as McReynolds points out in what, in my opinion, is the video’s most scathing takedown.

“Forty weeks of pregnancy plus the amount of time it takes to go through labor or surgery plus the indefinite amount of time it takes to adjust to a major life transition after having a baby equals 6 to 12 weeks off from work,” McReynolds says.

Be sure to subtract income from that “time off” because the chances of it being paid leave are slim in this developed country.

McReynolds gets into her POV on the debate over whether or not breastfeeding is free. She discusses mental health impacts, dietary restrictions, and the need to buy pumping supplies. Dietary restrictions are rarely necessary, and pumping supplies wouldn’t be if we had paid leave. She edited her caption to provide more clarity, and you can read my take on the debate here. I don’t want to lose the forest in the trees, and I think McReynolds and I agree that there’s something totally wrong with how we treat families in this country

McReynolds ends the video by saying, “Can somebody get me a new calculator?” She’ll need one to crunch some numbers.

·     Postpartum depression is rising in the U.S., particularly among Black people, who saw a 140% increase between 2010 and 2021.

·     Research finds sleep disruptions don’t stop until the oldest child is 6. Yikes.

·     Fewer than one-quarter of private industry or civilian workers have access to paid leave. Hispanic and non-Hispanic Black people have less access to this critical time.

·     Federal funding that kept childcare stable(ish) during the pandemic recently expired, putting millions of children at risk of losing care should centers close (which they’re projected to do).

So, get back to work ASAP, but there’s no daycare center to watch these babies because we fell off the childcare cliff.

Responses to childcare issues are often frustrating. “Well, why have kids if you can’t care for them?” rings particularly offensive and hollow, particularly when those same people complain that they have to work later than parents who have to dash out to pick up their kids before a center closes. I know I’m generalizing and also not wrong.

We Need to Shift Perspective

In math class, we were often told to “show the work.” Policy changes like paid leave and childcare funding are the final answers, but like a math equation, we have some steps to do before those can become a reality. We’re not going to change the system until society gets a reality check and starts viewing parenthood as the critical job it is.

That’s the broader problem. Our individualistic society undervalues childcare and chores, work typically performed for free by women, especially in heterosexual relationships. It’s why J.R. Minton’s take on why he doesn’t “help” his wife with housework and childcare because he considers it his job, too, is still refreshing in 2023. Our words and perspectives matter. Childcare is essential work. Being a stay-at-home mom isn’t always a “luxury” as some refer to it. For so many, it's a necessity.

I mean, do people realize that perhaps they should direct their ire at bosses who expect work to get done at all costs (but won’t hire more people) rather than parents who can’t leave their kids in the lurch? I’m hard-pressed to think of a more important “gig” than ensuring a child eats dinner.

Parents are raising and shaping the next generation. These children will become nurses and doctors who care for you when you’re sick and aging. They’ll also become the politicians, insurance executives, and employers who will enact policies. If the next generation views parenthood differently, these critical safety nets can become a reality. Then, and only then, will we catch up to the rest of the developed world and offer paid leave, childcare, and more.

Because no calculator in the world can help parents solve the impossible equations they need to work through to survive in today’s world.

Related: Here Are the Maternity Leave Benefits for Every State

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