If You Tend To Crush On *All* Genders, You May Be Panromantic
Picture this: You’re at a family gathering and a distant relative asks, “Who’s the lucky guy/girl you’re dating right now?”
As someone who identifies as homoromantic asexual, I’ve been there and know how nerve-wracking questions about romantic and sexual orientation can be when you deviate from the “heterosexual heteroromantic” identity.
In this obviously uncomfortable scenario, someone who identifies as panromantic may respond by sharing their current relationship status and noting their romantic identity.
But what if you're not sure how you want to identify? Perhaps you've heard the term “panromantic” in passing before, or maybe you're not familiar with it at all. Either way, if you've felt romantic leanings towards more than one gender before, it may be an identity you can see yourself aligning with.
“Someone who may identify as panromantic is someone who is open to being in a romantic connection with folks regardless of their gender,” says Chanta Blue, LCSW, a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist based in New Jersey.
Meet the Experts: Chanta Blue, LCSW, is a psychotherapist and certified sex therapist based in New Jersey.
Monica Taylor, PhD, is a professor of gender and sexuality and director of gender, sexuality, and women’s studies at Montclair State University.
FYI: Romantic orientation is different from sexual orientation (a.k.a the difference between panromantic and pansexual) so it’s important to understand the two—but more on that later.
Whether you think you might be panromantic, are in a relationship with a panromantic person, or just want to learn more about this romantic identity, here’s everything you need to know:
What does it mean to be panromantic?
The prefix “pan-” in panromantic refers to “all,” “completely,” or “involving all.” Those who are panromantic have an interest in developing a romantic relationship with people regardless of their gender identity. In other words, they are romantically attracted to all genders.
“I think there is something really beautiful about being pan as it defies society’s binaries and focuses on attraction to the individual, rather than attraction that is dictated by society’s norms,” says Monica Taylor, PhD, a professor of gender and sexuality and director of gender, sexuality, and women’s studies at Montclair State University.
How do I know if I'm panromantic?
While there are some common signs that could indicate whether or not someone may be panromantic, everyone’s journey and experience is different so take the following signs with a grain of salt. Instead use them to help you on your journey towards self-discovery or to better understand a friend or family member so you can be a supportive ally.
Here are four signs that you or someone you know might be panromantic, according to Blue:
You find yourself emotionally drawn to folks of any and all genders beyond just connecting as friends.
When you imagine yourself with a long-term partner, their gender isn’t really a factor.
You experience romantic feelings towards all genders, but don’t necessarily desire to connect with all of your crushes sexually.
After learning about panromanticism and other romantic identities, none of the other romantic orientation labels seem to feel right to you.
What is the difference between panromantic, pansexual, and biromantic?
At a basic level, romantic identity and sexual identity are two different things—meaning, your sexual orientation doesn’t always match your romantic orientation or identity. In this case, just because someone is panromantic doesn’t automatically mean they are pansexual.
“Sexual orientation is physical,” says Taylor. “You want to be touched [by] or touch the other person. You feel a physical attraction to the person, [whether] to hold their hand, kiss, [or] touch them. There is a sexual intimacy.”
Meanwhile, “romantic attraction usually feels like you want to spend time with someone, you enjoy their company, you feel a warmth from being with and interacting with them,” Taylor notes. Unlike with sexual attraction, when you're romantically attracted to someone you don't necessarily want to get physical with them. In a way, you can think of romantic attraction as a step above a platonic connection.
Those key differences are exhibited in the nuances between panromantic, pansexual, and biromantic. Taylor defines the three identities as:
Panromantic: Someone who is attracted to all genders romantically, but not sexually.
Pansexual: Someone who is attracted to all genders sexually, but not necessarily romantically.
Biromantic: Someone who is attracted to two distinct gender identities romantically, but not sexually.
What does it mean to be panromantic asexual?
For someone who is panromantic and asexual (which, yes, you can be both), that means they are romantically attracted to all genders and not sexually attracted to any gender. The prefix a- means “not” or “without.”
On the asexual spectrum, there’s also a sexual orientation known as “demisexual” which heavily relies on emotional connection. “Panromantic demisexual is someone who is potentially attracted to all genders romantically, but only feels sexual attraction to those with whom they have a significant emotional bond,” says Taylor.
What does it mean to date as a panromantic person?
Dating can be a hassle regardless of your gender and sexual identity, so it's no surprise that someone who is panromantic may experience the same relationship challenges as someone who is not. Nevertheless, if you are panromantic, there are a few things you’ll want to keep in mind when navigating conversations with potential partners.
For one, you’ll want to have an open line of communication. Like any relationship, it’s important that you and your partner are on the same page. If you haven't yet had a conversation about your romantic and sexual identities, they may be under the impression that you’re sexually attracted to them because many people assume that sexual and romantic orientation are the same. As a result, you’ll want to have a conversation with your partner about your romantic and sexual orientation from the get-go so that you're each aware of your needs, wants, and expectations in the relationship.
Moreover, because you’re romantically attracted to all genders, many people may assume that you are polyamorous or interested in a polyamorous relationship. While that may be true for some people, that isn’t always the case.
“It’s important to help your potential partner understand that being panromantic doesn’t automatically mean that you want to be in a non-monogamous relationship,” says Blue. “Open communication about these things can be exhausting to have to continuously repeat but is necessary.”
Nevertheless, if you are interested in having multiple significant others, understand that that’s totally valid and it’s a conversation you’ll want to have with your partner(s) to make sure everyone’s on the same page.
What is the panromantic flag?
You may be familiar with the rainbow pride flag, but there are also other flags that represent various sexual and romantic identities like panromanticism.
According to the Tumblr account pride-color-schemes, the panromantic flag, which is sometimes depicted as a heart, is pink, yellow, and blue. At the top, pink represents attraction towards women, followed by yellow, which represents attraction towards nonbinary people, and lastly blue, at the bottom, which represents attraction towards men.
Again, those who are panromantic experience a romantic attraction to people regardless of their sex or gender identity, so someone who’s panromantic isn’t necessarily attracted solely to men and women, but also every other gender identity on the spectrum.
Watch to learn about some other LGBTQ+ pride flags:
How can I support those in my life who identify as panromantic?
If you’re reading this article because someone in your life came out to you as panromantic, you’re one step ahead of the game because you’re trying to educate yourself about their identity. (Good for you!) With that said, you’ll want to be a supportive person for the people in your life who are panromantic because they will likely experience difficulties in the dating world (and other areas) that their heteroromantic counterparts may not.
With that in mind, experts share a few pieces of advice when it comes to supporting those who identify as panromantic.
1. Listen to them without judgment.
Many panromantic folks, and queer people in general, have a hard time coming out because they are worried about judgment from loved ones and peers. You can help make the process easier for them by listening with an open mind and heart.
2. Maintain their confidentiality.
You are not the person responsible for spreading the news. The panromantic person in your life has every right to come out on their own time (and terms) and just because they shared this information with you doesn’t give you the right to spread it around.
“Don’t share what they have told you with others unless they explicitly say it’s okay to do so,” says Blue.
3. Remind them that they are loved.
At the end of the day, everyone just wants to feel loved and supported. Reiterate that you love them regardless of their romantic orientation and that you’ll always be there for them. Having that strong support system can make a big difference. Plus, it doesn’t take a lot of effort!
Remember: Regardless of your romantic orientation, you’re deserving and worthy of love. You’re valid because you are human, and being panromantic is just one of many layers to the person that you are.
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