Tell me who you go with and I'll tell you who you are
What makes you happy? While we can ponder the question, debate it, and come up with recommendations to follow, there is a long-term fascinating study that reveals the ingredients to finding fulfillment over a lifetime. The Harvard Study on Adult Development is the longest study ever conducted on human happiness. It was begun in the late 1930’s with two groups of men, one group of Harvard undergrads and another group of inner-city children from disadvantaged troubled families.
The study is active today with a second generation, and they’ve added women. The number one insight is that close relationships and social connections are crucial for our well-being as we age. Having supportive and nurturing relationships is what we all need to help buffer life’s stresses and protect our health. According to Dr. Waldinger, a Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, good relationships "keep us healthier and happier."
People with more robust social connections showed lower rates of diabetes, arthritis, cognitive decline, and other chronic conditions. The researchers hypothesize that close relationships act as "stress regulators"—helping our bodies calm down and return to equilibrium after being revved up by challenging events. One of my favorite ideas from the Harvard Study regarding physical fitness is the advice offered by one of the centenarians profiled in the research: "Take care of your body like you're going to need it for 100 years."
Good relationships do take some effort and work. You need to be proactive (sometimes easier said than done) instead of scrolling through social media, call or text a friend. Try to establish routines with people you would like to see, have lunch, call a friend to run errands, try to liven up long-standing relationships with doing something new. Volunteer for a cause that means something to you and meet like-minded people. Get good at casual conversations. Good relationships need tender loving attention.
Because we are all unique, there is no one formula for the relationships needed to keep us happy and healthy, but it is no doubt the quality of relationships. For instance, an introvert may find it exhausting to be around a group of people while another person may thrive on the interaction with many.
Of course, everyone could use at least one person they can call in the middle of the night with an emergency. While not all relationships are stress-free, it is important to recognize the importance of how your social connections affect your mind, your body, and your behavior. Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.
Did Rohn’s comment stop you in your tracks? How’s your math? Go ahead—make the list of your close connections. Spring is a time of growth and renewal. Consider your relationships and social connections are like a garden. Put in the time and energy to make your garden grow big, healthy fruit. It just may be time to plant grow, replenish, water, forgive and weed your garden.
Feel free to share your thoughts with me: ashton@ashtoncannon.com.
Ashton Graham is an educator, book publisher, photographer, cowgirl and yoga teacher. She is currently studying to become a yoga therapist and lives on a ranch in West Texas. Subscribe to her newsletter “Maintaining Balance” www.ashtoncannon.com.
This article originally appeared on Las Cruces Sun-News: Tell me who you go with and I'll tell you who you are
