How to Tell if Your Date Is Totally Peacocking
Once, when I was out with some friends, we saw a guy sitting at the bar cradling a whole watermelon. There was plenty of room next to him to put down said large-ass fruit, but nah, he kept holding it like a weird ovate baby.
Eventually, my drunk friend made the fatal error of actually asking him why he was subtly reenacting a Dirty Dancing scene in his seat. I don’t remember his response because it was very boring, but I do remember that he seamlessly roped her into a conversation, asking her rapid-fire questions, the last of which was “Are you single?”
See, like the feathers of a luxurious bird vying for a mate, peacocking is an infamous pickup-artist move where a person wears or does something just to get noticed. While it sounds innocently dorky enough, peacocking is specifically designed to lure in hookups (which usually ends up being someone like my friend who just wanted to know about the watermelon and not what this guy’s phone number was).
Here are four signs that a person is totally peacocking...and you should approach this bird with caution:
1. They visually stand out.
They’re wearing a glow-in-the-dark cowboy hat at a dance hall. But instead of dancing, they’re standing by themselves, their eyes darting around and occasionally checking their phone. It’s one thing when beer-filled frat bros dress up in animal onesies because they’re wasted with their friends—but it’s another when a person commands attention they very clearly are not all that comfortable with.
2. The moment you talk to them, it’s like 20 questions.
Think about it: If the guy poring over We Should All Be Feminists on a Friday night at a crowded dive bar was actually just that into reading about women’s lived experiences or had it assigned for class, he’d say that. But if he continues talking and talking and not reading your Woah, I Did NOT Want to Get Into This! face, welp, you’ve probably been p-cocked.
3. They act overly casual about their look, as if they do it all the time.
“Oh, I always bring my bowling ball to libraries. Anyway, whatcha doing the rest of the night? :)))”
4. They keep the convo short with people they’re clearly not attracted to.
You’ll see them carry on 25-minute conversations with very annoyed-looking 20something women, but the moment a dad cheerfully asks them why they have a pet turtle at a rooftop bar, their response is surprising curt. Hmmm!
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