How to Tell Your Boss You Don't Want to Come Back to the Office ... Ever
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If you're someone who began pining for your office desk and more than just a head-and-shoulders view of your colleagues at some point in 2020, you weren't alone. End-of-the-year surveys like this one indicated that a majority of employees yearned to go back to the office at some point, and that many viewed in-person interaction as crucial for career growth. But while the introduction of vaccines and lifted restrictions offered office-bound employees suffering from Zoom fatigue some hope earlier this year, the Delta variant has pulled the rug out from under those looking forward to a full return to "normal" in 2021.
Whether you're currently scheduled to return to the office later this year or sometime in 2022, going back won't be easy, and those that felt hopeful at the end of 2020 may now be dreading looming office deadlines. A May survey conducted by the Harris Poll indicated that as many as 40% of employees indicated they'd prefer to work from home indefinitely, as reported by USA Today, and that figure is likely growing as variants spread and vaccine models change this fall.
For those experiencing anxiety about the return to work, mental health specialists say it's a completely normal and expected way to feel. Having reduced control over your own life is a hallmark symptom of anxiety, explains Charmain F. Jackman, Ph.D., founder and CEO of InnoPsych, Inc. Returning to an office setting can be particularly overwhelming, since your colleagues' behavior is beyond your control and can potentially impact your health, especially in areas where vaccinations and wearing masks inside are proving to be divisive. "These are definitely situations where people have no control, and it heightens the uncertainty of everything, which heightens the anxiety," Jackman adds.
Rather than allow this dilemma to torpedo a job you otherwise love, experts say now is the time to be proactive about negotiating a new future if the office is no longer a place you want to be five days a week. Even if you're simply feeling uncertain, the most effective way to battle the anxiety of going back to work in person is to have a frank conversation with your superior.
How should I discuss returning to work with my boss?
The best process depends on your role and your relationship with your boss, but if you're uncomfortable approaching your boss on your own, consider banding together with a few co-workers who have similar concerns to have this discussion with your superiors collectively — especially if you're concerned about job security for any reason.
Any conversation about your return-to-work anxiety should cover four main points:
The office's COVID-19 safety protocols
Your personal concerns
What your boss's concerns are
How you can work together toward a better situation
When you get into the room, whether it’s on Zoom or face-to-face, start by asking about company protocols. Will there be a mask or vaccine mandate at the office? Will everyone be socially distant? You may learn of a policy or procedure you haven't caught in company communications just yet. “The more information you have, the more you’re able to figure out how you’re going to operate and navigate the workspace,” Jackman adds.
Michele Olivier, a principal consultant at O&H Consulting, suggests using a simple script:
I’m really anxious about the idea of going back into the office with the Delta variant numbers being where they are. In order for me to feel comfortable, I need to make sure that we have a mask policy in the office, that we’re doing our best to distance ourselves socially, and that there are going to be vaccines required for everyone returning.
Once you've had a chance to hear about plans, move to the next phase of the conversation: declaring your concerns without sugar-coating them.
“Just be honest and share with your boss how you’re feeling, and the reasons for feeling that way,” says Margie Warrell, Ph.D., author of You’ve Got This: The Life-Changing Power of Trusting Yourself. “It’s important to be open about your own emotional wellbeing. Your boss can’t help take care of that if you’re not being open with them about it.”
What if I want to stay remote permanently?
If you want to stay working remote for the time being for any reason, don't try to dress it up or sidestep that conversation — lay it out for your boss to understand. After that, it's time to carefully listen to what their concerns are. “The number one thing is to put yourself in their shoes,” Warrell says. “If you were running the team, the business, the organization, what would you be concerned about if people wanted to stay remote?”
Maybe they’re worried that you’ll be less effective if you’re not meeting in-person with everyone else, or perhaps they’re concerned that collaboration between you and your coworkers will suffer. Acknowledge that, and make sure they know that you understand their concerns.
If you want to negotiate a permanent work-from-home situation, your tactics should be similar to salary negotiations, says Pooja Saraff, Ph.D., a psychology specialist at the University of Massachusetts Medical School. Figure out a way you can compromise on a solution, whether that means you come in one week a month, or you have regular one-on-one Zoom meetings with coworkers, or another solution that benefits both parties. “Put some suggestions on the table and be willing to compromise on a solution,” she adds.
If your reason for wanting to remain remote involves a complex health condition and your boss isn't receptive to your initial ask, note that the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) may allow you to formally request more consideration for a health concern that may have otherwise been irrelevant to your work situation before the pandemic, like anxiety. If you think a reasonable accommodation for your anxiety would be to continue working at home, the ADA indicates that your employer will need to prove why, after the last year, that arrangement is no longer an option. In cases involving the ADA, it's customary to have your primary doctor provide supporting documentation, which is why it's often the last step for most employees — it's a long process you'll likely only want to use as a last resort.
“Ultimately, you have to remember that you are valuable to your organization,” Olivier says. “It’s expensive to replace people, especially right now, where it’s very much a candidate’s market. Organizations are going to be a lot more inclined to hear you than most people feel like they will.”
How can I feel more comfortable about returning to work?
In the event that your boss isn't open to a permanent work-from-home situation but you don't want to (or can't) quit your job — or you do want to return but are simply feeling uneasy about it — it might be worthwhile to look for a work-focused therapist. They’ll be able to help you get to the bottom of why you’re struggling so much with going back into the office, and what you’re worried might change with the job you love.
“If you are determined to get through the anxiety to keep this career and your usual coping skills are not helping with the anxiety, working with a professional would be helpful,” Saraff adds.
Another idea is to try and shift your mindset. Saraff says that instead of dwelling on your worries, create a game plan for your worst-case scenario.
“Your mindset matters,” she adds. “The narrative you form around the situation can really impact how you function. If people are feeling a sense of dread, then you’re always looking for things that can go wrong. Think about your mindset and how you’re approaching the situation. Try to have a more balanced perspective. What are some more positive aspects of going back to work? Maybe seeing colleagues again or having a different environment. Try to balance it.”
You can also reduce the unknowns that are causing you to feel anxious as much as possible before heading back into the office by focusing on the things you can control.
“It might be that you decide to go back in a week early, just to park the car, walk in, do some photocopying or make coffee,” Warrell says. “[If you do that] you’ve just taken away a lot of the unknowns so when you do go back full-time, you know what to expect.”
If possible, easing yourself back into your commuting schedule can help as well. Instead of starting by going in five full days a week, start out by going in just a few days a week. Once you're in the office, also try to recreate some of your work-from-home rituals — maybe you loved having a workday snack at 2 p.m. or taking a midday nap at lunch. Make this a conscious part of your new routine: Stock a snack stash in your desk or find a space to sit and close your eyes in the middle of the day.
What if my boss won't negotiate, and going back is simply not an option for me?
It’s possible that you feel like going back into the office will sabotage an otherwise absolutely perfect job, and your boss or your company simply won't budge on allowing a permanent work-from-home setup. The good news is that you don’t have to let this ruin your career.
If you truly can't see yourself going back to the office, Olivier says to remember that it’s a candidate’s market. You can likely find a very similar job if you need to, with even better perks than what you’ve got now.
“We’ve been taught for hundreds of years of industrialization that the employer is always right, we need to listen to them, and the thing we negotiate on is money,” she says. “But everything else, they say 'Jump!' and we say 'How high?!' — and that’s just not the reality in a modern working environment. Whatever it is that’s creating for you an unhealthy environment, there is an employer out there who won’t do that. Don’t feel trapped and don’t allow yourself to be made voiceless.”
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