A Teen Is Caught in the Crossfire of Two Petty Co-Parents & Reddit Does Not Foresee Smooth Sailing
You know things have gone majorly awry if you propose a petty plan and even Redditors shoot it down. Because as avid readers of the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit, we feel confident saying the three things Redditors like the most are a mother-in-law to be mad at, a ridiculous name to rag on, and a reason to be petty.
So just how did we get to the point where Redditors were telling a petty mom to chill? Well, this 39-year-old woman turned to Reddit to discuss upcoming family travel plans. She had a “less-than-amicable” separation from her teen daughter’s father more than 10 years ago when he seemingly cheated — and later married that woman.
More from SheKnows
“As time passed, we became more cordial and got along enough to be in the same room without issues,” the Redditor who originally posted (the “OP”) said.
So What Changed?
OP is turning 40 in June and was starting to plan an international trip with her 15-year-old daughter.
“I always go away for my birthday and bring my daughter, so this was not something new that I was doing,” she explained. “Also, per our custodial agreement, our daughter is supposed to be with her parent on their birthday — this was something he requested.”
And so she reached out to her ex to get her daughter’s passport, knowing he had it for an upcoming cruise he had planned. Her texts went unanswered, so OP asked her daughter to tell her dad to respond. The daughter soon became the messenger, and the adults didn’t start talking to each other until the daughter said her mom was planning a birthday trip.
The Problem
That’s when OP heard from her ex, who told her the cruise was her birthday week and he wanted to give her a heads up.
“Heads up?” OP wrote. “He booked this cruise months back and never mentioned anything to me. I only knew he was taking one because my daughter had brought it up several times that she was going on a summer cruise.”
OP brought up the birthday part of their custody arrangement and he said he forgot about that since they have “not abided by it forever,” which OP admitted was true “because of his profession.”
“Despite what he says, I believe he or his wife booked this trip intentionally on my birthday week,” OP said.
“He informed me he ‘can cancel your daughter out of the cruise so she can attend your 40th bday.'”
A Possible Solution
Now OP is thinking she should just book the same cruise as her ex and his wife.
“Not to be petty or out of spite,” she said, to which we all rolled our eyes, “because I would rather be anywhere else than encountering them, but this does not leave my daughter in the predicament of choosing or me holding off on my birthday celebration to cater to them as I always do.”
AITA if I go on the same cruise as my daughter’s dad during my birthday week?
byu/IngenuitySerious6127 inAmItheAsshole
Again, not petty or spiteful. And the father’s ghosting definitely makes it seem like nothing petty was happening on his end.
“Still, I am also not sure how my daughter would feel, but a cruise ship should be big enough that we can avoid each other most of the time,” OP continued. “So, AITA for suggesting to go?”
Reddit’s Reaction
The overwhelming majority of Redditors say absolutely do not do this! Booking the same cruise would make OP the a—hole. Just take a second to think about the situation this mom is putting her daughter in for the sake of … what? Having a slice of cake on the right day?
“As the daughter of divorced parents, your potential solution would be my own personal hell. I would spend the entire week a ball of anxiety trying to balance keeping my parents happy. ‘Do I do this excursion with Dad? Do I eat with Mom? Where the hell do I sleep?’ Every moment would feel like I was choosing who I loved more … If your birthday is more important, then pull the custody card. If she goes on the cruise with her dad, show no jealousy and wish her a great time. Remember your relationship with your daughter is a long game. Do NOT put her in the middle of what should be decided between you and your ex.”
“Be the bigger person for her sake and make other plans.”
“I absolutely would not put myself through the torture of being stuck in a floating hotel, with my ex-spouse and their current partner. Not for all the tea in China … The point is to celebrate your birthday not that it has to be exactly on that day.”
“I’m sorry — did someone tell you this was a contest that you should ‘win?’ From a grandparent’s perspective, the kids figure it out by themselves when they hit about 25-30, and they know what’s what. You’ll be better off thinking about doing the right thing than worrying about your ex always ‘winning.'”
And if OP just has to sneak some pettiness in there, Redditors don’t blame her. There’s just a better way to do it, they say.
“Go early … Might even make his feel less important as she could be tired from yours.”
“And do a trip that your kid really wants to do with you. Ask for her input, get her involved with the planning, and make it a real celebration that she helps you with so you guys can create great memories together. Take lots of pictures, get fun mementos, and get her some neat stuff for the cruise. And the winner is your daughter … She gets to see adults modeling good behaviors. You’re grown enough to not need to celebrate on your day. An added benefit you can plan an adult birthday for the actual day sans kid while your ex is kindly caring for her. It’s a win-win.”
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
Best of SheKnows
These Celeb Parents Have Shared Their Social Media & Technology Rules for Their Kids
Love Is Blind's Brennon & Alexa Lemieux & All the Other Celebrity Pregnancy Announcements of 2024
Sign up for SheKnows' Newsletter. For the latest news, follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
