Taylor Swift Unpacks What Caused Her Breakup With Joe Alwyn in ‘How Did It End?’

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Taylor Swift and Joe Alwyn kept the beginning, middle, and end of their relationship mostly private through their six years of dating. In The Tortured Poets Department track “How Did It End?”, Swift tries to do a post-mortem on their romance.

The song slowly unveils her own shock at their breakup. (“It’s happenin’ again / How did it end? / I can’t pretend like I understand / How did it end?”) She finishes the song with heart-wrenching lyrics: “We’ll tell no one / Except all of our friends / But I still don’t know / How did it end?”

This is not the first track where Swift has documented her feelings about the gradual demise of her and Alwyn’s relationship. She began her reflections on Midnights’ “You’re Losing Me” and continued them on Tortured Poets’ “So Long, London” and “loml.”

In “You’re Losing Me,” Swift used the metaphor of her heart not starting anymore to capture the slow death of their love story. Two striking examples are: “Stop, you’re losing me / I can’t find a pulse / My heart won’t start anymore for you” and “Every mornin’, I glared at you with storms in my eyes / How can you say that you love someone you can’t tell is dyin’?”

In some ways, “How Did It End?” continues that medical narrative after the “death” of their relationship. Of course, this breakup song contains a lot of Alwyn references. Here’s a breakdown:

Swift and Alwyn split up a few weeks before Entertainment Tonight broke the news on April 8, 2023. A source told the same outlet on April 11, 2023 that “it was more of Taylor’s decision to break up, but both of them realized that they weren’t completely right for one another. They had been together for such a long time and were spending so much time together, but their personalities were just too different. Joe is more introverted, shy, and quiet.” The expression “hothouse flower,” when discussing a person, refers to someone who is vulnerable and fragile. Real hothouse flowers are plants that can only grow in hothouses where there is a supplementary source of heat.

Swift further riffs on that: “hot house” is a nod to Alwyn’s good looks (as she famously sang about way back on Reputation’s “Gorgeous”) and the fact they spent most of their time in their home, away from the public eye.

Alwyn and Swift started dating in September 2016 when Swift was laying low after her Kim Kardashian-Kanye West Snapchat controversy. As a source told People on April 10, 2023, “They had plenty in common and fell in love in a safe bubble while she was retreating from the world during Reputation. Then the pandemic hit, and they were locked down together and able to continue growing their relationship in this insulated way. But he didn’t really ‘know’ her yet outside of that bubble.”

Since quarantine lifted, “Joe has struggled with Taylor’s level of fame and the attention from the public,” the source said. “The differences in their personalities have also become harder to ignore after years together. They’ve grown apart.”

Neither Swift nor Alwyn spoke publicly about why they broke up. Plenty of sources did to tabloids, though.

Regarding the “friends” that they told, several members of Swift’s squad made headlines when they mass unfollowed Alwyn on Instagram. The move led fans to speculate whether Swift told them something dramatic about her and Alwyn’s split. But that was never disclosed.

A source told Daily Mail in February that Alwyn has no plans to discuss their breakup ever, even after Swift announced The Tortured Poets Department. “Joe has not said one word about Taylor or their breakup and has been completely respectful of her,” that source said.

The insider added, “Joe has no reason to believe yet that she is going to diss him or their relationship. She writes about her past using code and points of reference. It may just be that she is reflecting on their time together, and he is hoping it is nothing more. If it is a diss album, that is shady. He helped her with song writing on her past album [under pseudonym William Bowery on Folklore and Evermore] so it will really come as a shock to him if she talks about their breakup, as it is something he has not spoken of at all. Regardless of what she does, he will still not respond because he has removed himself from her narrative and is very glad he did.”

Swift addresses the public commentary and what came out about her split in the latter part of this verse.

It’s the first part that offers a look into her heartbreak, though. Throughout her breakup songs about Alwyn (and even some about Healy), Swift has discussed her desire to get married someday, along with her pain over Alwyn never proposing.

For example, her bridge in “You’re Losing Me” included the heartbreaking lyrics: “And I wouldn’t marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her.” In “loml,” she brings her pain up again, singing, “You shit-talked me under the table / Talking rings and talking cradles / I wish I could un-recall / How we almost had it all.”

Her “How Did It End?” line, “We learn the right steps to different dances,” might allude once more to them wanting different things.

A source told Entertainment Tonight on April 11, 2023 that was ultimately what led Swift to start the breakup conversation. “Taylor and Joe are in totally different places in their lives right now,” the insider said. “It was more of Taylor’s decision to break up, but both of them realized that they weren’t completely right for one another.”

Swift shifts her perspective to the public commentary around their split. Leading up to the breakup, fans noticed that Alwyn hadn’t been at any of Swift’s Eras Tour concerts. On March 22, 2023, just days after the tour began on March 17, a source told People that Alwyn “will travel with her when he can. They are great together. Joe is super supportive of her career.”

On April 8, 2023, when Entertainment Tonight broke the breakup news, a source told the outlet “the relationship had just run its course. It’s why [Alwyn] hasn’t been spotted at any shows.” The announcement came during the first break of Swift’s tour.

Alwyn is an actor, so “say it once again with feeling” might be a reference to his profession. But the line “how the death rattle breathing / silenced as the soul was leaving” mirrors how Swift described the death of their relationship in “So Long, London.” She sang there, “I stopped CPR, after all, it’s no use / The spirit was gone we would never come to.” Another “So Long, London” verse puts a bittersweet spin on the idea of “death rattle breathing”: “Everyday old love affair, every breath feels like rarest air / When you’re not sure if he wants to be there.”

Swift uses the imagery of death to discuss her and Alwyn in the chorus of “So Long, London” as well: “So long, London / Stitches undone / Two graves, one gun / You’ll find someone.” In “You’re Losing Me” and “So Long, London,” she portrays herself as having fought to save their relationship, while Alwyn didn’t.

Swift and Alwyn were actually on-off while dating, meaning their relationship truly was “D-Y-I-N-G” for a while. Swift’s collaborator Jack Antonoff revealed “You’re Losing Me” was written on Dec. 5, 2021. Swift began writing The Tortured Poets Department in February 2022. Her and Alwyn’s final breakup would not happen for another year in March 2023.

This isn’t the only track where Swift expresses her shock over her and Alwyn fading out. She also sang in “So Long, London”: “You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? / I died on the altar waiting for the proof / You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days.” In “loml,” she added, “A con man sells a fool a ‘get love quick’ scheme / But I felt a hole like this, never before and never since / If you know it in one glimpse it’s legendary / What we thought was for all time was momentary.”

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