How to Make a Tasteful (Yet Successful) Tinder Profile
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You can’t possibly imagine how invested I am in helping men have better Tinder profiles. I’m happily dating a guy (yep, I’m on that monogamous shit), so it might seem my interest is altruistic. Au contraire! I want my friends, most of whom date men in some capacity, to have better options.
While I personally think we’d all be better served by extricating ourselves entirely from dating apps, I also appreciate that they’re occasionally useful for getting laid, checking out the new bar in your neighborhood, or, you know, finding your soulmate.
And if you want to find someone to fuck/marry/kill three hours with, you have to have a good profile. Futile as the swiping game may seem, everyone single is doing it, and they’re all looking for ways to stand out among the swaths of bland, boring Tinder profiles. Luckily for you, the bar for men on dating apps is truly subterranean, so you don’t have to change much about your approach to make a big impact, and I will tell you exactly how to do it.
1. Make a good first impression quickly
Life favors the attractive. You can whine about that all you want, but you could also spend your time making your profile better. Dating apps require someone to like one photo enough to look at more photos of you and then like those five photos enough to read your painstakingly crafted bio about how you like burritos (please shut up about burritos). You don’t have much time or space to make your first impression count.
What this means for your pictures
You need a good first picture. Eighty-seven percent of your profile hinges—not a pun—on that first photo. It should not be a close-up of your face, nor should it be a shot of you on a mountaintop from 60 yards away. This is also your time to shine—solo. Said picture must not be blurry—it was cool when Bob Dylan’s photo was blurred on Blonde on Blonde because that’s an album cover.
High-quality photos matter! If you only have a low-res Myspace photo of yourself, that’s what we in the business of sleeping with men call a red flag. I’m not sure why, but it’s like someone told dudes that smiling, in-focus photos are unmanly. (They’re not!)
If you don’t have any good photos of yourself already, ask a friend to take one of you the next time you guys do a thing. That can be brunch, a friend's wedding, a baseball game—anything that offers an opportunity for good, natural lighting. Confused or embarrassed about whom to ask? Your best bet is a female friend who insists on group photos or a male friend with a public Instagram, in a pinch.
What this means for your bio
Stop putting clichéd shit here. If you write, “Looking for someone to watch The Office with” or “I know the best spot in town for tacos,” women will assume you’re similarly unoriginal in all aspects of your life, including in bed. It’s boring, and I don’t know anyone who is looking for a boring person to get drinks with. Use your bio to pose a question, share a weird fact (that isn’t sexual) about yourself, or give an idea of who you are and what you like to do. Please, for the love of god, stop mentioning the gym—it’s not nearly as fascinating as you think.
Something like: “I watched Aladdin every day of third grade” is cute. “I still need to see Killers of The Flower Moon; message me if you’re down for a four-hour date,” presents an obvious entry point for conversation. The idea is to seem interesting to talk to—[hometown] plane emoji [city you currently live in] is not getting the job done.
What this means when you message
Do not open with anything sexual—not a dick pic, not a pick-up line, not even a sexually adjacent compliment. Do not try to be clever or overly familiar: “You look exactly like my next girlfriend.” Try opening with a question, and no, “wyd rn ;),” doesn’t count. Go with something fun and off-beat like, “Do you think people should make their beds every morning?” or “What’s your favorite fast food burger?” This previews what it’s like to hang out with you—you don’t want to come off as creepy, lecherous, or lazy. Effort is hot.
2. Emit nice, normal vibes
Perhaps contrary to popular belief, your job on a dating app is not to stand out but rather to signal to someone that you’re not going to Buffalo Bill them. Yes, hot is important, but don’t underestimate the power of giving off a “nice guy with normal interests” kind of vibe. Women aren’t always safe around strange men, so remember that we’re taking a bit of a risk when meeting you. Make your profile low-risk. The goal is to express normalcy (safety) with a dollop of originality.
What this means for your pictures
You must have more than one photo. I know I said the first photo is the most important, but that’s predicated on the existence of other photos. You know who only has one photo of themselves? A catfisherman who got that photo off of someone else’s LinkedIn. The easiest thing to do to convince people that you’re a nice, normal guy is to smile in your photos. I know it seems simple, but you’d be surprised how few men do it and how effective it is at selling us on the idea that you’re not dangerous. (Please, serial killers, don’t read this article).
What this means for your bio
This may come as a real shock, but if you put sexist stuff in your bio, we’re going to assume that you don’t like women. As one of my friends put it when swiping through her matches, “I think these men forget that they’re trying to date women.” If you mention you’re looking for someone to cook for you, or make some facile “joke” about how you’re looking for a trophy wife, or you say something cruel about certain women’s bodies, well, you’ve just alienated potential matches.
Instead, try telling people what you’re like in a playful way. Focus on positives rather than negatives. “I listen to Christmas music all year round” or “I can teach you to drive stick shift” are great examples that also give your fellow swipers something to message you about.
What this means when you message
Don’t be overly eager to meet up with a woman. If we’ve only messaged four times within the app, I’m almost certainly not ready to meet you face to face. Imagine dating like feeding a deer (I know this is a weird metaphor; stick with me). You want to hold your hand out and stay still, letting the deer come to you, realizing you’re open to giving it food. What I see a lot of men doing is running after a deer, throwing steaks at it, yelling, “Why won’t you eat this?!? I’m trying to feed you!!” Slow your roll.
You don’t have to flirt via Tinder for weeks on end—some people aren’t good at messaging, and that’s fine! After a few exchanges (aim for at least one or two “haha” messages before you jump into meeting up in person), use a version of this phrase: “Wanna get [coffee/a drink/dinner] sometime this week?”
3. Walk the Line
Look, I don’t want to deny that what I like isn’t going to be true for everyone. After all, someone’s gotta date the guys who blow cigar smoke in photos, I guess. But if your goal is to get more matches, you have to walk a line between having the right amount of confidence and not seeming like an asshole. Most dating profile faux-pas either paint the subject as douchey or pathetic.
Holding a massive bottle of champagne at a club? Douchey. A 2013 Facebook profile picture of you holding up the leaning tower of Pisa with your pointer finger? Pathetic. I’m not saying this to be mean but rather to warn you away from unintentionally giving women the ick. If you'd prefer to keep your photo of you next to someone else’s Ferrari or placing 14th in a World of Warcraft competition (do those even exist?), that’s fine! If your goal is to be more matches, think about your audience.
What this means for your pictures
No selfies! None. Delete all selfies in your profile right now. What selfies—especially when there’s more than one—communicate is, “No one is willing to hang around me, so I’m the only person who takes photos of myself.” They’re also very 2015.
You get one chance to be shirtless. One. And it must be, as my friend described it, “circumstantial.” A photo of you on a beach with friends where everyone is wearing a swimsuit? Go for it. You shirtless at the gym? Weird. I can’t help thinking about you posing for the photo while everyone else at your gym is just trying to do Bulgarian split squats.
I have more bad news: Almost all attempts at conveying that you’re funny via a photo will fall flat. Stick to being a “fun” guy instead of a funny guy.
Post photos of you with groups of friends, or drinking a silly tropical drink, or playing with your niece or nephew. Whichever of your friends has the best photos of themselves, Venmo them $50 and ask them to start taking nice photos of you across a couple of hangouts. I know it will feel silly at the moment, but get over yourself.
What this means for your bio
Stop being self-deprecating in your bio. If you tell people bad things about you, they will believe them! Alternatively, positioning yourself as “above” dating apps is wildly unattractive. We’re all on them. You aren’t better than anyone, buddy. Plus, both of these things give off “I’m miserable” vibes. No one signs up to date a person who seems miserable. We want to be with a go-with-the-flow, can-hang kind of guy.
In general, avoid negativity. Put information in your Tinder bio about what you like to do—your job (just don’t use the words “grind” or “hustle” ever), your hobbies, whatever—rather than what you hate. Same for Hinge prompts: don’t use them to complain about things. It doesn’t make you seem interesting. Also, never, ever use your bio to call out things you don’t like about potential partners: “Won’t date anyone with tattoos,” “If you don’t have a good ass, swipe left,” etc. That’s somehow both douchey and pathetic.
What this means when you message
Embrace flirting! You should be shooting for fun to talk to—not impressive, scolding, or explain-y. Ask about something specific you see in her profile. “I’ve always wanted to go to South America, what was your favorite city?” Find something funny in one of her photos and comment on it: “That’s an amazing Halloween costume; what was the best costume you ever made?” If you don’t ask questions, if you don’t flirt a bit, messaging with you will feel like a chore, which I’m sure you can understand is not hot.
Ultimately, effort, normalcy, and specificity are hot. Get a friend with a good eye to take some nice photos of you looking friendly. Oh, and for the love of god, don’t ever use the words “partner in crime.”
Originally Appeared on GQ
