How to Talk to Your Teen About Dating

And how to ensure they stay safe, too.

Medically reviewed by Samantha Mann

One of the most demanding stages of parenting is adolescence, a time period that presents all sorts of new challenges and milestones. But with the necessary information and effective communication, parents can be a champion and support system for their teen during these times of transitions.

As children approach their teen years, they may begin to express an interest in dating. This can be a confusing time for both parents and their children, but there are ways to guide your child towards a successful dating experience when the time is right for them.

We turned to experts to learn more about how to be a good support system for your child, how to talk to them about dating, and how to help ensure they stay safe.

Related: How to Help Your Teen Navigate a Friendship Breakup

What Age Do Most Teens Start Dating?

It's important to know that kids develop in their own time and your child may be ready sooner or later than their peers. Brain development and social skills both impact a tween/teen's readiness to date.

Typically, tweens begin dating in groups, which is a great way to ease them into the dating experience. Some pediatricians recommend waiting until age 16 to start one-on-one dating—but readiness should be determined on an individual basis.

How to Know if Your Teen is Ready to Date

There are many factors to consider when it comes to determining if a teen is ready to date, but perhaps the most important cues come from your child themselves. Take note if they express a romantic interest in peers, or express thoughts about their sexual orientation. Erica Miller, PhD, child psychologist and parenting coach, also recommends paying attention to what their friends are doing. If they’re talking about dating in everyday conversation, this can be a helpful clue.

Miller suggests talking about dating as it relates to others—an older sibling, a friend, or even a television character—as this is often easier for children to grasp. Making the conversation less personal enables children to open up more easily.

The more you talk to your teen, the easier it will be to determine if they’re prepared to date, Miller says. Consider whether they have safety skills in place and if they’d call you in a moment of need. Building trust from an early age sets a foundation where children know they can be open without judgement.

Miller recommends parents also consider the following questions when determining if a teen is ready to date:

• Do they understand consent and boundaries?

• How emotionally mature are they?

• What are their self-advocacy skills? Would they be able to say ‘stop’?

Related: Your Teen Wants to Wear a 'Sexy' Halloween Costume. Now What?

How to Have a Conversation About Dating With Your Teen

Conversations about healthy relationships should begin as early as elementary school. This builds trust, which is critical for ongoing conversations as children mature. Keep an open mind and reassure your child that they can be honest with you without being met with judgement.

You can begin by asking them what dating means to them—as this can mean anything from texting with a crush to an outing with someone they like. When speaking to teens about dating, conversations should begin early and include the topic of dating violence, so they know when to seek help if they should need it.

Asking open-ended questions such as What are you most worried about when it comes to dating? and What are some qualities you’re looking for in a dating partner? can ease them into talking about their thoughts and feelings. This is also a good time to discuss love and your own relationships if you're comfortable—as children often become curious about their parents’ experience at this stage.

Continuing the conversation after your teen begins dating is important because unhealthy teenage relationships can have lasting health consequences.

How to Establish Boundaries for Dating

Setting healthy boundaries lays a strong foundation for your teen’s dating experience and ensures they enter dating situations with the necessary guidance. Be clear about what you consider to be appropriate dating behavior.

Talking with them about what they’re comfortable with and what they’re not helps them articulate what boundaries they want to set. Remind your teen that it’s okay to say “no” to anything they’re not comfortable with.

Without boundaries, statistics reveal teens are more likely to experience physical violence, online harassment, and give in to underaged sex. Setting boundaries empowers them to define their limits and expectations. Open discussions shows your teen that you trust them to make responsible, informed decisions—and that you’re there for support as needed.

Miller says parents should be involved in setting boundaries with their teens, but we need to build trust to ensure they come to us when needed. She says the more we try to prevent teens from exploring—and the more we shame them—the less likely they are to be honest with us.

When setting boundaries, Miller suggests ideas such as advising your teen to socialize with a dating partner in a shared family space, and emphasize no sleepovers. She says setting clear expectations and being consistent with the notion that rules can—and should be—revised down the line is key. “You are the parent. You are ultimately the one that needs to make the decision,” Miller confirmed.

How to Ensure Your Teen is Safe While Dating

According to research collected by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 12 teenagers reported experiencing physical dating violence, and another 1 in 12 reported experiencing sexual dating violence. Asking your teen if they feel safe can lead to an important discussion.

Ellen Friedrichs, health educator and author of Good Sexual Citizenship, says one of the best things to do is getting to know your teen’s partner(s). She recommends connecting with their parents or guardians to discuss details including where you both stand on topics like sleepovers and curfews. “The last thing you want is a teen sneaking around behind your back to be with a potentially unsafe partner,” Friedrichs says. “So, the more everyone can communicate, the better.”

The CDC has also produced a toolkit of strategies to promote healthy teen relationships. Their evidence-based approach includes seven components for individuals, peers, families, schools, and neighborhoods that work together to prevent dating violence and other risk behaviors.

Related: 4 Things You Can Do to Support Your Teen's Mental Health

How to Know if Your Teen Needs Additional Support

To know if your teen needs outside help, parents should first and foremost be alert for signs of abuse, both physical and emotional. Physical signs include bruises, scratches, or other injuries while emotional signs might include sudden changes in mood or personality. However, there are also more subtle warning signs of behavior that may arise earlier than physical manifestations of abuse. These may include a partner who is critical, controlling, possessive, jealous, or someone who ignores and violates boundaries.

"One of the biggest problems is when we normalize potentially problematic behaviors. For example, teens who are dating should not have partners who expect them to check in regularly, get upset when they spend time with their friends or family, or demand access to their phone,” says Friedrichs. This controlling behavior should not be normalized as an appropriate way to express love.

Friedrichs also says parents should be aware of age gaps, as problems involving an imbalance of power are more likely to arise in these situations. She recommends organizations such as One Love and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence for parents seeking further guidance.

The National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline is a 24-hour resource specifically designed for teens and young adults. They offer real-time, one-on-one guidance from peer advocates trained to offer support, information, and advocacy. 

Related: I Was a Teen with Depression; Here’s What I Wish I Knew

For more Parents news, make sure to sign up for our newsletter!

Read the original article on Parents.